My husband (91) has had vascular dementia for 4 yrs and is otherwise very fit for his age. Everyday he wants to go out for a drive to a pub for a glass of wine. I dig my heels in sometimes . I'm 85 and healthwise not as well as him but still drive short distances.
Occasionally my eldest daughter or her son take hm out to give me a break, but my daughter says she now dreads visiting cos as soon as her dad sees her he either invites her to go out, or drop hints about how nice the weather is and it would be nice to go out for a drink or a meal. ( he hardly eats anything when he goes out but he hopes by ordering food will keep him out longer) She says she feels awful having to make an excuse.
I've told her just to say she's busy and he will forget all about it a minute later,but she still feels guilty that he's not getting out when he wants to and says it's important for him to socialise.
We've been, and failed, down the 'visitor befriending' scheme co he only trusts family members and gets anxious about other people being in the house.
She got cross with him once, out of pure frustration, and told him that I wasn't fit to keep taking him out and that if he didn't want to get to know somebody else who would be able to take hm out , then he'd just have to stay in. He looked hurt but had forgotten it a minute later.
As soon as he saw her arriving yesterday he said, 'I bet she'll be wanting to go out.' I said, 'No she won't , and don't ask her cos she's not well.' She's visiting less frequently and I know this is the reason but I can't make her understand that she just needs to say no and doesn't need to explain further, and he'll accept it
Occasionally my eldest daughter or her son take hm out to give me a break, but my daughter says she now dreads visiting cos as soon as her dad sees her he either invites her to go out, or drop hints about how nice the weather is and it would be nice to go out for a drink or a meal. ( he hardly eats anything when he goes out but he hopes by ordering food will keep him out longer) She says she feels awful having to make an excuse.
I've told her just to say she's busy and he will forget all about it a minute later,but she still feels guilty that he's not getting out when he wants to and says it's important for him to socialise.
We've been, and failed, down the 'visitor befriending' scheme co he only trusts family members and gets anxious about other people being in the house.
She got cross with him once, out of pure frustration, and told him that I wasn't fit to keep taking him out and that if he didn't want to get to know somebody else who would be able to take hm out , then he'd just have to stay in. He looked hurt but had forgotten it a minute later.
As soon as he saw her arriving yesterday he said, 'I bet she'll be wanting to go out.' I said, 'No she won't , and don't ask her cos she's not well.' She's visiting less frequently and I know this is the reason but I can't make her understand that she just needs to say no and doesn't need to explain further, and he'll accept it