wanting to go home

[Lila13]

I want to go home! but the home I want to go back to is the place we left over 50 years ago.

Of course the difference is that I remember that "I want doesn't get".

I suppose it is the disinhibition caused by dementia that makes people think that all they've got to do is say "I want ..." and they will get it as if by magic whatever it is.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

No, Lila, I don't think it's that demented people think that "I want" will get them anything. I think it's more an articulation of their fears. They want to go "Home" and "home" to them is a place they feel safe and which they recognize. The place changes as time goes on, with the progression of the disease.

At first my mother wanted to go to the "blue house", her last home with my stepfather. Then within months, it became Torrance Street, a place she lived with my grandparents, but which they moved out of in 1951! Now, as she's not really speaking, that phase is over and gone. The multiple phone calls a day are gone. The "When are we going home?" are gone. Perversely, while she drove me insane during those phases, I would give anything to have her back the way she was then in her disease. At least she knew who I was and could speak to me.

 

[noelphobic]

Now, as she's not really speaking, that phase is over and gone. The multiple phone calls a day are gone. The "When are we going home?" are gone. Perversely, while she drove me insane during those phases, I would give anything to have her back the way she was then in her disease. At least she knew who I was and could speak to me.

That really strikes a chord with me as I feel very much the same way about my mum. She didn't speak at all for a while, but has started again recently. However, none of it makes any sense and I can't remember the last time she said my name.

Brenda

 

[Margarita]

I know when I was living in it with my mother wanting to home, it seem like never ending , only thing that stop it with my mother was medication for AZ and I know its not the same for every one.

For me I would not want my mother at that stage at all , now my mother dose not really talk just wants to know what is for dinner, and may ask people to come in , just look at them saying u like a cup of tea ? and what does it say on that , ( meaning what am I typeing on this) the only way I want my mother back is before she had AZ .

It was like living in a physiological psychotic mind trap , because I so wanted it to stop for her find that place of safety for her so she could find comfort , but for me back then I did not have TP to share , only consultant who gave my mother medication

 

[Brucie]

yes, I'd give anything just to hear Jan's voice, as it was. It has dropped a couple of octaves and is of course not speaking words any more. She had the loveliest gentle cultured Welsh accent.

You never think to record these things at the time because you think you have so much time.

Gulp.

 

[Grannie G]

Perhaps I`ll think twice before I complain again.

We`ve just been to our sons for a BBQ, with our daughter-in-laws parents who are down from the Wirral. They came to see our grandson play Mowgli at the Marlowe in Canterbury.

DIL`s father has suffered with cancer for the last 10 years, but he insisted on coming down.

The 2 grandpas had a good chinwag, the 2 grandmas compared notes on caring.

We all had a bit too much to drink, got a bit merry, the children performed their dances and songs, my husband is sleeping it off.

Peace reigns.

 

[Margarita]

I know if you don’t mind me saying and not sounding disrespectful Bruce .

I never thought of doing that with my father voice, recording it before he died so true that saying you never know what you got till its gone .

Till someone you love gets dementia slowly, truly , show you if your really want to learn about the true meaning of life

 

[noelphobic]

My dad's been dead for over 2 years now. He used to like to tape people and I have a recording of him with my son when he was very young, showing a very patient and caring side that didn't manifest itself too often.

I think someone took issue with the word 'gaga' recently. That used to be what my son called his grandad when he was very little as he couldn't say 'grandad'. We even brought some glasses back from holiday which we had engraved with 'nana' and 'gaga', not really thinking that 'gaga' could possibly be misconstrued!

Brenda

 

[Margarita]

Brenda

When I was littlie my mother father use to say to me , then to my children , then I to use to say that to them , do you want to go gaga ? as in Spanish it’s a nice way like saying to a child , do you want to do a phoo ? lol

 

[myrtle50]

Hello Skye, thanks for your message, I'm so glad to have found this forum, as you say life gets lonely & it's nice to chat with other people in similar circumstances.
Yes I do care for my husband on my own. At the moment he is in care for a few days respite. I'm afraid it all got on top of me, I feel I can't cope anymore. It's the constant repeating the same thing & the fact that he doesn't realise we live in this house & the dreadful confusion. He doesn't seem to know that I am his wife, after almost 57 yrs. It's such a very sad, soul destroying illness. I don't know what your husband suffers with, it may say if I back-track to members list, but I don't want to do that at the moment, in case I lose what I've written!! Maybe I will get to know more about your situation in due course. Having found this forum I will certainly visit it regularly. I wish you all the best & hope life is not treating you too badly at the moment. It certainly is a struggle. Cheers for now, keep smiling

 

[Margarita]

Having found this forum I will certainly visit it regularly.

I do hope so , nice to meet you welcome to TP , have not seen skye (Hazel )on line today , sure she be back soon .

me also , does get lonely careing for someone , that's why your see my name poping up all over the palce

PS I care for my mother with AZ

 

[Grannie G]

Well we`ve had 10 days of relative peace, and it all flared up again for no reason at all.

Yesterday he told me he was going home for a few weeks, because this place is like a concentration camp. I said it`d be fine.

He was going backwards and forwards collecting his things together during the afternoon and early evening. Then, thank goodness, the Manchester United match was on, so it kept him out of mischief.

The plastic Tesco bag is in the spare bedroom, containing magazines, address book, dictionary, spectacles and one pair of underpants.

No memory problems this morning. He`s still going. I told him I`d help him pack and book his ticket, if he wanted. He hit the roof. he doesn`t need any help, he`s perfectly capable of doing it himself.

Out he went. He was out for nearly 2 hours, came back exhausted and very upset. He has looked everywhere, but there isn`t one single B&B hotel to be found.

So he`s staying for the time being.

 

[pizzapie]

Virtual Hugs

yeah lots of virtual hugs, like that is going to really help!

 

[Grannie G]

Oh Dear, what an angry person you are. How will that attitude help.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Sylvia,
At least you had 10 days peace. And at least he's packing clean underpants, even if it's only one pair. Isn't it funny the things that get packed? My mother was all-encompassing, she found bin liners everywhere & had all her clothes in them every night for the first few months in the retirement home. That was fun unpacking her. I've heard of other people who pack really interesting combinations of objects. I wonder how they arrive at those particular "need to have" items.

Cheer up, it's bound to get better and one day you'll have a laugh about it. Truly, one day you will miss it.

Love and a virtual hug
Joanne

 

[BeckyJan]

Sylvia - if it was not so sad it would be laughable. I am so sorry you have to cope with it.

Strangely my husband seems to have this wanting to go home bit the wrong way around. For an example last night he woke me around 3.00 am - what time was it and when did he come home??? I said you have not been away. Oh yes he said I feel sure I have been away from you. (One night he said where was all the luggage!!).

None of all this is funny for any of us, is it?
Thinking about all of you out there - struggling as we do, but still making light of it as much as poss.
Best wishes Beckyjan

 

[Skye]

Sylvia and Beckyjan

So sorry you're both having this to cope with.

I thank my lucky stars I don't have those problems with John --- and wonder when they will start.

Love and virtual hugs to both of you (whether they work or not!!!!!!!)

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks folks, he`s OK now, but doesn`t understand why I`m quiet.

I`m not sulking, honestly, I just feel drained, as if the life has been sucked out of me. I also lose the feeling of any warmth towards him, and need time for it to return.

Thank goodness for all of you. At least I raised a smile.

Famous last words.

He has just asked how long we are going to live here, where did I come from and how long has he known me.
He`s going to go home, [to India, in Manchester] to see his family, [who are all in India] but he`ll come back, because he`ll miss me.

Take care everyone.

 

[BeckyJan]

yes --- the hugs work - I need it.

Love to all Beckyjan

 

[Skye]

For Sylvia and Beckyjan