Wanting to go home

[vaz]

I am a carer of my mum and she repeatedly wants to know where my dad is even though he has been dead for over six years. She regular says she wants to go home even though we are at home. She gets really angry with me because I won’t take her home. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Fitzalan]

Hi Vaz
Do you tell your mum that your dad is dead, and if so does this distress her? If so, it might be best to use what is commonly referred to on this forum as love lies. For example, that he's just popped out to the shop and will be back soon, or he's gone away for a bit to help his cousin (or some other relative) who's had an operation. As for wanting to go home, it's most likely that your mum is thinking about her childhood home, rather than the one she's living in now - a place where she felt happy and safe and secure rather than this place where she feels confused and scared. Unfortunately this is what dementia does to those we love. My mum often doesn't recognise her home even though she was born there, but it doesn't look like the home she was in as a child, and the people she lived with are no longer there either. So again I would suggest using love lies - you're both on holiday at the moment and will be going home at the end of the week, or, if it's the evening, that it's too late to go home today, but you can go tomorrow. I'm sure others on the forum will be on to give more suggestions., but I hope these help.

 

[vaz]

She does not get distressed that my dad has died, she sometimes thinks he has gone away with another women and is ok when I tell her he is dead. It is strange sometimes I will ask her, how do I normally answer the question and she will say I know you will tell me that he died. Then a few minutes later will ask again. I find it really difficult to lie but I have tried saying, I will take you where you want to go tomorrow but she replies and says you said that before and we are still in this place. Thank you for your help.