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Wanting my mother to go into residential care


Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
hi i have been my mum and dads sole carer for the last 3 years, they refused all help and i did as much as i could do - im retired so felt i had enough time to look after mum and dad, they live near dad had cancer mum alzheimers. as time went on i found they were my first thoughts on waking and going to sleep and i had constant worry i loved them both dearly they have been wonderful parents and i know they would do anything for me. i always promised that if anything happened to either of them that the other could come and live with us. dad died on 10th may , mum came to us straight away, developed pneumonia within 4days and after 4 weeks in hospital i have had to make the decision that mum should go into residential care- she has been there 3 days now , the sadness and guilt i feel is overwhelming, mum is bedridden, doubly incontinent , cannot feed herself this is just a few of the problems she has but is still my lovely kind mum- it is so hard but despite all this deep down i know this decision was right- my health and happiness was definitely suffering -i was missing seeing my grandchildren and felt my life had been mapped out for me- i can understand how many of you are feeling and making such a big decision on behalf of someone you love is really difficult- im hoping mum will settle , best wishes to you E - it sounds as if you are reaching the point where you have to do as i have done
The right thing is to make sure your mum gets the care she needs, and it sounds as if that's what you have done. There comes a point at which good quality care simply cannot be provided at home.