My mother lives over 100 miles away and I try to visit her when I can. Each time I go I am aware that my mother is deteriorating and I feel I am beginning to grieve for her as her brain slowly dies. It always hits me when I get home and I feel guilty not being able to help her more and just want to cry. What is frustrating is that I have to rely on the Extra Care Sheltered Accommodation to provide for my mother's needs which I feel are not being met properly.
I found my mother smelling of faeces when I visited earlier this week. When I investigated I found faeces on her bedding and her nightie. My mother is a proud lady and had not told anyone, but it was clear to see and smell when I went into her bedroom. I questioned the manager and she said she was unaware my mother had dirtied herself. I helped clean my mother up and put the dirty clothing into a soils bag.
I arrived at my mum's flat at 1.30pm and was only informed that my mum had had several accidents in the dining room during the week at 7pm that night when the carer came to give my mum her tablets, and I was told I needed to get mum some pull-ups as she had wet herself. I was really upset and contacted my brother who sees my mum three times a week as he is closer and no one had informed him either. What saddened me was that no one told me via email or telephone that my mum had had several accidents and would need pull-ups. If I had known I would have got a friend who lives not far from my mum to buy some incontinence pants.
Where mum lives it is not a nursing home so care is done by the day staff who encourage the tenants to do as much as they can themselves. My mum says she can cope so the staff leave her be. But I know she needs more help but I was told if they interfere and insist on helping with personal care etc when my mum has not asked for it, it is tantamount to abuse. I just feel useless being so far away and not being able to help more or keep an eye on the care my mum is being given. My mum can't remember if she has had any help, and gets distressed because she can't remember.
I find all of this distressing.
I found my mother smelling of faeces when I visited earlier this week. When I investigated I found faeces on her bedding and her nightie. My mother is a proud lady and had not told anyone, but it was clear to see and smell when I went into her bedroom. I questioned the manager and she said she was unaware my mother had dirtied herself. I helped clean my mother up and put the dirty clothing into a soils bag.
I arrived at my mum's flat at 1.30pm and was only informed that my mum had had several accidents in the dining room during the week at 7pm that night when the carer came to give my mum her tablets, and I was told I needed to get mum some pull-ups as she had wet herself. I was really upset and contacted my brother who sees my mum three times a week as he is closer and no one had informed him either. What saddened me was that no one told me via email or telephone that my mum had had several accidents and would need pull-ups. If I had known I would have got a friend who lives not far from my mum to buy some incontinence pants.
Where mum lives it is not a nursing home so care is done by the day staff who encourage the tenants to do as much as they can themselves. My mum says she can cope so the staff leave her be. But I know she needs more help but I was told if they interfere and insist on helping with personal care etc when my mum has not asked for it, it is tantamount to abuse. I just feel useless being so far away and not being able to help more or keep an eye on the care my mum is being given. My mum can't remember if she has had any help, and gets distressed because she can't remember.
I find all of this distressing.