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Wandering

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,074
0
Kent
Hello @Sunshie11!

The only way to cope is to make sure your mum is never left alone. I understand how difficult this is because my husband used to wander and making sure he stayed safe was exhausting.

All I can suggest is your dad gets some help from agency carers to give him some respite.

Has your dad had a carer's assessment? If not, perhaps it would help him to ask Social Services for one.
 

doingok

Registered User
Nov 14, 2020
13
0
I’m looking for advice about this myself.
My husband has started sundowning very early in the afternoon now and he’s getting really angry that he can’t get out. I sometime take him for a drive but that doesn’t seem to help.
I’m really getting to dread these afternoons now. I’m waiting for an assessment being carried out on him by social work… what to do???
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
854
0
Things sound very difficult for you. I would also contact your husband's GP as there is medication that might help.
 

doingok

Registered User
Nov 14, 2020
13
0
Thanks violet jane I’ll Do that..He’s on donepezal memantinemelatonin and larazepam but he’s getting very angry now…
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,483
0
South coast
The anger is worrying.
If he become violent please call the police - dont hesitate. They are trained in these sort of circumstances and have the authority to call the emergency mental health team
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
145
0
It is very difficult for all concerned, I have the same problem, without the anger up to now, but OH is very unhappy about it but there is nothing I can do except to go with him, unless he sneaks out eg when I am in the shower, our immediate nieghbours know, think they have sussed things out, as they see him walking up and down so much, so they keep an eye out, which helps a little. Sorry not much help
 

doingok

Registered User
Nov 14, 2020
13
0
Thanks for your replies. It’s the anger that is concerning me. I don’t know how to deal with it and it’s just really started in the last month or so. I’m going to ask for another review with mental health to see if his meds are causing it or not doing what they should be doing..
Many thanks again.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,074
0
Kent
Hello @Granto3

I`m afraid I used to follow my husband at a distance. Most times I `met him` from around a corner and he was happy to come home with me. Sometimes I phoned our son for help and my husband always knew him and was happy to go home with him. our son used to bring him back to me later.

I was lucky to have our son living within a five minute walk. Do you have anyone, a trusty neighbour perhaps who could intercept the wandering?

I would never lock him in or try to force him to do anything against his will because of his anger issues.

While you are waiting for a review of your husband`s medication try anything which might avoid anger. I knew my husband was not in danger of coming to harm as long as I could keep him in sight. I could never have locked him in. It would have increased his anger and confusion. He only wanted to go home to his real wife.
 

doingok

Registered User
Nov 14, 2020
13
0
Thanks Grannie G .I’ve decided to let him go but I’ll suggest going with him see it that helps.
My neighbours are aware he’s got Alzheimer’s and are very good at alerting me if he escapes. I am very uncomfortable at locking him though I’m in the house with him he is never left on his own in but that was the advice I was given at the beginning of this illness.
I also think he is more tired than I realise and left to himself he does want to lie down. I try to get him to shower, go out for a walk, meet his friends etc and maybe that’s just too much for him.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,074
0
Kent
Hello @Granto3

Suggest you go with your husband by all means but if he refuses and wants to go by himself, follow him if you can.

I try to get him to shower, go out for a walk, meet his friends etc and maybe that’s just too much for him.

I think most of us want to try to keep life as interesting as possible for our people with dementia, not realising how exhausting it might be for them to make sense of their ever changing world.

It`s so hard to get it right.
 

Sunshine11!

Registered User
Feb 11, 2022
17
0
I feel like I am need of help and don't know where to turn.
I am beside myself, one reason why being that Dad has booked to take Mum on holiday to Guernsey. He recently took her to stay in London and she "disappeared" during the night. Thankfully she was found in the hotel, in her nightwear. Dad says that he was "beside himself", mum remembered nothing of this. He was planning a holiday abroad, was advised by medical professionals not to do this, but has now booked Guernsey instead.
My Dad has relied on mum all his life due to a hearing issue. My 56 year old sister has a drink problem and other mental issues. Social services are going to visit them next week to assess need and establish what care they feel is needed. In a previous visit Dad and my sister told them that they were "doing fine" - it was only as a result of me pushing and to be honest crying, that a further visit has been arranged. I'm so worried that nothing will be done.
Please. advise.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,151
0
North West
I feel like I am need of help and don't know where to turn.
I am beside myself, one reason why being that Dad has booked to take Mum on holiday to Guernsey. He recently took her to stay in London and she "disappeared" during the night. Thankfully she was found in the hotel, in her nightwear. Dad says that he was "beside himself", mum remembered nothing of this. He was planning a holiday abroad, was advised by medical professionals not to do this, but has now booked Guernsey instead.
My Dad has relied on mum all his life due to a hearing issue. My 56 year old sister has a drink problem and other mental issues. Social services are going to visit them next week to assess need and establish what care they feel is needed. In a previous visit Dad and my sister told them that they were "doing fine" - it was only as a result of me pushing and to be honest crying, that a further visit has been arranged. I'm so worried that nothing will be done.
Please. advise.
Hi @Sunshine11!

If your mum is now walking with purpose in strange places I would say that is the end of holidaying unless you can find a dementia friendly place -which I have to say is unlikely but they do exist. I took my mum on a last holiday to Malta in 2016 because her and dad had lived there in the 1960's. I was glad I took her and she enjoyed it, but at night it was hard work making sure she didn't walk around and also exhausting having to exist on minimal sleep.

Its hard for many family members to accept the changes dementia brings in someone so close to us, but if we don't recognise this we are not really doing our best by the person who has to endure what is increasingly becoming an uncertain world and one often filled with an anxiety.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,151
0
North West
Mum in Valetta, Malta 2016
13690992_1636080886682043_5772264437679820996_o.jpg
 

Sunshine11!

Registered User
Feb 11, 2022
17
0
I agree with everything you say but am finding it so hard to convince my father of this, who has gone ahead and booked the holiday
 

doingok

Registered User
Nov 14, 2020
13
0
I would agree that holidaying is now too difficult for your mum.She’ll be very anxious and that will cause problems for your dad. As I’m very late in replying I hope by now social work have stepped in and advised the same.And that your dad has listened. it’s hard advise to follow I know. I’m bit in denial myself as to my husbands future care so I understand where your dad is coming from.