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Wandering

mindyh

Registered User
May 22, 2017
1
Hi. This is the first time that I have posted on this forum. We have had a very difficult weekend with my Mum. My Dad has been in hospital for 3 nights and Mum has been staying with me and my brother. Mum was ok initially but very confused. The second night when my brother brought her home Mum kicked him and slapped him round the face as she wanted to go back to Dad. She said that my brother had touched her inappropriately which obviously did not happen. I believe that this is a delusion? She then ran into the middle of the road. My brother managed to get her to come indoors and she was ok that evening, all of the next day and the following evening. Yesterday when my brother woke up my Mum had left the house on her own and went missing. We had to call the Police and they eventually located her at a Police station. A very kind lady had picked her up on an industrial estate 1.5 miles from my house and taken her there. Thankfully she was ok, but it could have been so much worse. She has never wandered before. My poor Dad was so upset and worried. He was discharged yesterday morning after a minor op and is doing ok. I am with them today. Dad is getting a new lock on their front door that can have a key removed and the rest of the house is secure. Mum has agreed to go to the doctors again and we have made an appointment for her. Dad says that he can manage ok. We were all obviously very worried and upset about the events this weekend and I need some clarity on the way forward. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,891
London
If she's never wandered before, it could have just been the result of being confused about the unfamiliar surroundings and being without your Dad, so once she is back home, it might be ok. But it is a good idea to take precautions and make the house secure (but not lock her in when she is on her own) and maybe get a tracker.

Your Dad might say that he can manage because he's from a generation where this is expected of him, that doesn't necessarily mean it's true. He might benefit from a carers assessment, but if he's a proud man, you have to tread carefully and not insinuate that he can't cope but tell him he needs help to recuperate from his surgery or something.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
I believe your mum 'wandered' because she was in unfamiliar surroundings and suddenly confusion kicks in. For a while I was able to take my mum away for weekends to stay with my brother, a house she knew really well, Then there was one weekend and it all went wrong, especially during the night, even though I was with her she was so confused especially at night. So no more weekends away.

When she first moved in with me she was confused and went walkabout from my house a few times and although I caught up with her she was refusing point blank to come back with me. It was a horrible time and I was not equipped or knowledgeable back then about how to deal with the accusations and refusals to come home with me. My mum was so desperate to get out of my home that she climbed through the dining room window.

Now she is back home, things may settle, but just in case, keep in close contact with dad, he does need time to recover as well. From now on and if needed, might be better if a family member goes to stay at her home if your dad has to have anymore nights away for medical reasons. Feel sure things will settle , fingers crossed.