1. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,550
    Female
    Scotland
    I am faced with a dilemma requiring a decision very soon. I have found a care home which I know John will like. He has visited and happily chatted to the men there and we have talked about it since as it has its own physiotherapy unit which he needs. There are though no vacancies at present.

    I have been offered a place for him in the only other suitable dementia unit which has one vacancy. I will take him tomorrow to look at it but although it is new and I'm told has a good reputation so far it has none of the outdoor space or facilities of the home of our choice.

    Should I struggle along possibly for months and wait for the right one or try this other one temporarily? Would a transfer at a later date work? He will be part funded by the LA.
     
  2. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Hi. Personally. I would go and have a look. As imo you cant decide without seeing the place.
    If you do decide its fine for the time being, then I would seriously consider a transfer when a place becomes available, unless John is settled there and you were happy with the care
     
  3. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Marionq, I have not had to face this yet but my gut feeling would be to go with the CH that has the vacancy, provided it is suitable in other ways and you feel comfortable with it when you visit. I am sure if your husband needs physio it will be provided. You could be waiting months for a place in the other one and it's only going to get harder to care for him at home. Such a difficult decision for you, Big hug.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  4. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,951
    The most important thing in my opinion is what are the carers like? Facilities and outdoor space are all very well but it is the people who make life fun and comfortable or not.
    Did you meet the managers? Did you get into conversation with the carers and what is their staff turn over? Where do they recruit their staff from, are they local? Go back and visit again if you need to.
     
  5. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,550
    Female
    Scotland
    Thanks to you all. I have been doing the ground work with our first choice to convince John it is a good idea and he was quite accepting of it. Of course I didn't dwell on the permanence of it. I am now nervous about introducing this one out of the blue although my daughter thinks he will hardly know the difference. It is of course such a responsibility to do the right thing but I know I cannot continue as at present.

    Will let you know what he thinks.
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,550
    Female
    Scotland
    Can't do it! 17 residents in the late stages of dementia. No outside space so they all have grey faces - even with a Scottish summer John has good colour as we walk 3 or 4 times a day in all weathers. Place smells clean and staff are friendly and a visitor told me he is verypleased with his dad's care but a depressing feel and the programme of activities would make John suicidal as there was little to take him out of this locked environment.

    I just couldn't be that cruel. Somehow we will struggle on until the place we want becomes vacant.
     
  7. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Sorry it turned out to be so unsuitable marionq :(

    It was worth a look, but I agree with you, go with your gut feeling and with your knowledge of what your hubby needs :)

    Fingers crossed now for a place soonish at the other home :)

    Lindy xx
     
  8. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Hope it won't be long, marion. I visited quite a few places before I found one I was happy with. It's not terribly smart, being a refurbished, extended Victorian large house but the rooms are clean, the staff and management are amazingly caring. There are no large grounds but a couple of courtyards with seating and the home is now accredited as part of the Butterfly Scheme, which is great. It is also just a couple of minutes away from the seafront which was good when I was able to take my OH out for a walk.
    Hope you find your place soon. Can you get more home care while you are waiting?
     
  9. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    make sure his name is down at the home of your choice and keep on ringing to check for availability of space.
     
  10. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,550
    Female
    Scotland
    Truth the daycare and home care option is out because John is such a confirmed wanderer. Most days I can deal with it thanks to Trazadone but around once a week or so he is totally hyper and on the go eg yesterday from 6 am until 10 pm. In many ways he is fine. Very clean, continent, occasionally makes little jokes. Also very confused.

    Seeing a place so unsuitable has put a little steel in my spine. I will have to toughen up until a place is available at the home we like.

    Jess I have his name on the waiting list and as you say I will keep checking.
     
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,319
    Female
    South coast
    Such a shame marion, but go with your gut feeling.
    I do hope its not long until a place comes up.
     
  12. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    What a pity the CH wasn't suitable, I've visited all the EMI homes available locally and a couple of them I wouldn't put my worst enemy in. You definitely know very quickly whether a place is acceptable. I have earmarked 3 locally for when/if the time comes but they all have waiting lists. B goes for respite to one of them so hoping if needs be he will be able to go there long term. Do hope you don't have to wait too long for a place at the home of your choice.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  13. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Hello Marion I hope that the wait is not too long. I remember posting over a year ago when my Mum was on a waiting list. Someone made the good point that the good homes do tend to have waiting lists.

    I did find out that someone else got a room before Mum because her family made her case seem more urgent. Your plan of keeping in touch about the waiting list is sensible - it will make sure no-one queue jumps past you and will also demonstrate to the home how keen you are on the place. I guess that some people might have names on lists at more that one home.
     

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