Visited dad today, feeling so guilty.... How can I do more for him?
Hi everyone
Today, I decided that I needed to visit dad. During the week, he had received a few letters in the post which I needed to look at. Eventhough I had explained (earlier in the week) on the phone that they were not urgent, dad had rang again asking the same questions. Best plan was to collect the letters sooner rather than later! I had to motivate a reluctant 7 year old and "happy to go" 2 1/2 year old together with a "rock" of a husband into action! Again the promise of "you make take your PSP and we will have lunch out at a well known fast food chain Mc...." worked again on the 7 year old.
On arriving at dad's I was pleased to see how well he was looking. As normal, I had a list as long as my arm for things that I needed to do, get, fix etc. Why does it feel that when I visit my dad that I have no time for him. It is always the other things which take up my time....the boring admin type stuff which needs to be done. Anyway, my daughter needed to go to the toilet. So, once she had finished she needed to wash her hands. Grandad had a bar of soap which my daughter took great delight in squeezing in her fingers and shooting all over the bathroom floor. Needless to say, I decided that a wet floor and soap was a dangerous combination for dad. I began to wipe up the soap and water and was horrified to see just how "black" the cloth was. I feel so guilty that I am not able to visit dad and keep his house clean for him. His only form of heating is open coal fires which make for a lot of dirt
I want to look after dad properly. How can I do this when I live an hours drive away and I have two young children to look after
I almost dread visiting dad because I never know how I will find him. But once I see him, I don't want to leave him. He is now just so vunerable and I feel so protective towards him. The only thing which I can relate the feeling to, is how a parent feels towards their children. It is as though I am now the parent and my dear lovely dad is my child. Sorry if this sound silly but it is how I feel.
I have thought about getting dad some home help but a couple of things bother me. I am not sure that I would be happy letting a stranger into my dad's house....How trustworthy are these people? and also dad in currently in denial with regard to AD and I want him to keep his independence for as long as is possibe (he still lives on his own). What do I do?
Once I have visited dad I just feel so tired and exhausted, eventhough I have not really done that much for him. On a much happier note dad loves his meals on wheels He is eating much better now and I think he enjoys knowing that someone will knock on his door everyday. I guess that sometimes it will be the only person who he will see that day
Sorry that I have gone on for so long...... Thanks for reading.x
Burfordthecat
Hi everyone
Today, I decided that I needed to visit dad. During the week, he had received a few letters in the post which I needed to look at. Eventhough I had explained (earlier in the week) on the phone that they were not urgent, dad had rang again asking the same questions. Best plan was to collect the letters sooner rather than later! I had to motivate a reluctant 7 year old and "happy to go" 2 1/2 year old together with a "rock" of a husband into action! Again the promise of "you make take your PSP and we will have lunch out at a well known fast food chain Mc...." worked again on the 7 year old.
On arriving at dad's I was pleased to see how well he was looking. As normal, I had a list as long as my arm for things that I needed to do, get, fix etc. Why does it feel that when I visit my dad that I have no time for him. It is always the other things which take up my time....the boring admin type stuff which needs to be done. Anyway, my daughter needed to go to the toilet. So, once she had finished she needed to wash her hands. Grandad had a bar of soap which my daughter took great delight in squeezing in her fingers and shooting all over the bathroom floor. Needless to say, I decided that a wet floor and soap was a dangerous combination for dad. I began to wipe up the soap and water and was horrified to see just how "black" the cloth was. I feel so guilty that I am not able to visit dad and keep his house clean for him. His only form of heating is open coal fires which make for a lot of dirt
I want to look after dad properly. How can I do this when I live an hours drive away and I have two young children to look after
I almost dread visiting dad because I never know how I will find him. But once I see him, I don't want to leave him. He is now just so vunerable and I feel so protective towards him. The only thing which I can relate the feeling to, is how a parent feels towards their children. It is as though I am now the parent and my dear lovely dad is my child. Sorry if this sound silly but it is how I feel.
I have thought about getting dad some home help but a couple of things bother me. I am not sure that I would be happy letting a stranger into my dad's house....How trustworthy are these people? and also dad in currently in denial with regard to AD and I want him to keep his independence for as long as is possibe (he still lives on his own). What do I do?
Once I have visited dad I just feel so tired and exhausted, eventhough I have not really done that much for him. On a much happier note dad loves his meals on wheels He is eating much better now and I think he enjoys knowing that someone will knock on his door everyday. I guess that sometimes it will be the only person who he will see that day
Sorry that I have gone on for so long...... Thanks for reading.x
Burfordthecat
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