1. judyjudy

    judyjudy Registered User

    Mar 19, 2008
    32
    west sussex
    Oh dear, me again, I feel such a wimp that I am not able to keep my feelings under control. So bloomin' stressfull the whole dementia thing. Am just about to visit and I know it will be a visit of: 'get me out of here, you are scheming something, I'll never trust you again, never speak to you again, I have my human rights etc, etc.' I am exhausted mentally. Does anyone have any ideas re: visits? How do I change topic - I can never think of anything. Whatever I say, she twists/turns into a negative against me. Thank goodness I have found this site as I can really let off steam.
    I have found a wonderful EMI home for my mother. Please could you all keep the issues surrounding admittance in mind. There are 3 available spaces but there are three lots of people in front of us. They are trying to sort out finances... I do not need to. My mother will be self funding and could move tomorrow if need be. The person who has to assess her, to make sure she could go there, is off sick!!!!!!!!!! I have never seen such a wonderful set up. Brand new building, state of the art, loads of staff and residents who look happy, clean, well cared for, fed well etc. Comment from staff nurse 'when I started working here I was taught to treat the residents as if they were my own parents'... enough said I think.
    Case meeting tomorrow - so many thoughts going through my mind - I don't know how coherent I am going to be!
    Please keep me in your thoughts and send me an imaginary hug - I need one!
    Judy
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,112
    Toronto, Canada
    Judy,
    The home sounds perfect!

    Here's a {{{{HUG}}}}
     
  3. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Fingers crossed for you Judy.

    It is difficult but to know that there is somewhere nice for your Mum to go would be of great help and probably help settle her as well.

    Keep telling your Mum that it is "Doctor's Orders" for her health etc. Shift the blame as far as you can to some authority figure and keep acentuating the positive, company, meal made, laundry done, sleep better at night, etc.. Use white lies such as "it is only until you can cope by yourself again" even when you know that won't happen..if it did your Mum wouldn't be there!

    It is so difficult as my Mum got nasty with me at the earlier stages too. Just keep reminding yourself it is the disease, not a personal attack.

    It is very veyr difficult.

    (((hugs))

    Mameeskye
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Judy, sorry I can't help with the visits, all I can really suggest is that you keep them brief until such times as the nastiness is past. You really don't have to put up with it, you know.

    As for the meeting tomorrow, the best of luck, I do hope you get the placement. Try to keep calm, I'm sure you'll do fine.

    Love and hugs,
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Group hug coming up. Everyone please join in.

    hugs.gif

    Long overdue I think.
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Thanks, Connie. Long overdue!

    Love,
     
  7. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Also thanks, Connie..I really felt that hug..:)

    Judy..good luck for tomorrow...:)

    Love Gigi xx
     
  8. judyjudy

    judyjudy Registered User

    Mar 19, 2008
    32
    west sussex
    Group hug!

    Dear Connie
    You have no idea how much that hug helped and what it meant. Thanks to everyone else that joined in and I am secure in the knowledge that come what may tomorrow, you are ALL there with me in the meeting. I will let you know how we get on. Sure enough this afternoon followed the usual pattern -
    Ma - 'I'm so depressed and upset and its all your fault. I'm so upset I could cry but the tears won't come. It's all your fault.
    Me - look I've brought you some nice chocolate.
    Ma - I know you are scheming something - being held against my will etc:p
    And so it goes on and on and on... I'm obviously not helping you by being here so I am going! Just when she is at her most vulnerable I can't reach her/get through to her. It's SO SAD:confused:
    Thanks again for the hug
    Judy
     

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