visits and tomorrow

judyjudy

Registered User
Mar 19, 2008
32
west sussex
Oh dear, me again, I feel such a wimp that I am not able to keep my feelings under control. So bloomin' stressfull the whole dementia thing. Am just about to visit and I know it will be a visit of: 'get me out of here, you are scheming something, I'll never trust you again, never speak to you again, I have my human rights etc, etc.' I am exhausted mentally. Does anyone have any ideas re: visits? How do I change topic - I can never think of anything. Whatever I say, she twists/turns into a negative against me. Thank goodness I have found this site as I can really let off steam.
I have found a wonderful EMI home for my mother. Please could you all keep the issues surrounding admittance in mind. There are 3 available spaces but there are three lots of people in front of us. They are trying to sort out finances... I do not need to. My mother will be self funding and could move tomorrow if need be. The person who has to assess her, to make sure she could go there, is off sick!!!!!!!!!! I have never seen such a wonderful set up. Brand new building, state of the art, loads of staff and residents who look happy, clean, well cared for, fed well etc. Comment from staff nurse 'when I started working here I was taught to treat the residents as if they were my own parents'... enough said I think.
Case meeting tomorrow - so many thoughts going through my mind - I don't know how coherent I am going to be!
Please keep me in your thoughts and send me an imaginary hug - I need one!
Judy
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
56
NZ
Fingers crossed for you Judy.

It is difficult but to know that there is somewhere nice for your Mum to go would be of great help and probably help settle her as well.

Keep telling your Mum that it is "Doctor's Orders" for her health etc. Shift the blame as far as you can to some authority figure and keep acentuating the positive, company, meal made, laundry done, sleep better at night, etc.. Use white lies such as "it is only until you can cope by yourself again" even when you know that won't happen..if it did your Mum wouldn't be there!

It is so difficult as my Mum got nasty with me at the earlier stages too. Just keep reminding yourself it is the disease, not a personal attack.

It is very veyr difficult.

(((hugs))

Mameeskye
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Judy, sorry I can't help with the visits, all I can really suggest is that you keep them brief until such times as the nastiness is past. You really don't have to put up with it, you know.

As for the meeting tomorrow, the best of luck, I do hope you get the placement. Try to keep calm, I'm sure you'll do fine.

Love and hugs,
 

judyjudy

Registered User
Mar 19, 2008
32
west sussex
Group hug!

Dear Connie
You have no idea how much that hug helped and what it meant. Thanks to everyone else that joined in and I am secure in the knowledge that come what may tomorrow, you are ALL there with me in the meeting. I will let you know how we get on. Sure enough this afternoon followed the usual pattern -
Ma - 'I'm so depressed and upset and its all your fault. I'm so upset I could cry but the tears won't come. It's all your fault.
Me - look I've brought you some nice chocolate.
Ma - I know you are scheming something - being held against my will etc:p
And so it goes on and on and on... I'm obviously not helping you by being here so I am going! Just when she is at her most vulnerable I can't reach her/get through to her. It's SO SAD:confused:
Thanks again for the hug
Judy