Hello everybody. Mum has now been in her care home for just over a month and Dad and I have a dilemma. We hear from the staff and from her many other visitors that she's usually in good form, integrating with other residents and relatively well-settled. 'Nine tenths of the time, she's great,' is what the staff say, and I believe them. However. When Dad (92, bad heart) and I visit she becomes aggressive and highly distressed - tearful, upset, threatening divorce, suicide - you name it, we've heard it. We keep the visits short and I seem to have the ability to let the abuse roll off me, but its clearly an awful experience, both for Mum and Dad, and leaves the care staff with the job of coping with her afterwards. My question is this. Has anyone taken the decision not to visit their relative because of the distress it causes? We know she's generally ok when we're not there - would it be kinder to let it go at that?