Visiting

[Ski bunny]

Hi can someone please help me. My mother is in a care home and my father is the allocated visitor as he is her NOK. Visiting from the car park is no longer allowed due to the weather. I am not coping with not seeing my mum and Skyping doesn't really work with mum. Recently my father registered me as a second NOK.
Unfortunately my father was diagnosed with covid and is seriously ill in ICU. I don't know how long it will be before he is able to visit . I have asked the care home that I will visit my mother and have been told that they can't change the visitor until they know how long my father will not be able to visit and if they did put me as the new visitor they would not be able to change it again. My father may not survive as his lungs have been damaged and also is on dialysis so it is a very difficult time for me. Can anyone advise as I am so desperate to see my mum before she deteriorates any further.

 

[Banjomansmate]

I find it difficult to believe that a. Care Home can be so bloody minded, what’s up with these people?
I am sorry life is so difficult for you at the moment.? for your Dad.

 

[Wishing20]

Hi can someone please help me. My mother is in a care home and my father is the allocated visitor as he is her NOK. Visiting from the car park is no longer allowed due to the weather. I am not coping with not seeing my mum and Skyping doesn't really work with mum. Recently my father registered me as a second NOK.
Unfortunately my father was diagnosed with covid and is seriously ill in ICU. I don't know how long it will be before he is able to visit . I have asked the care home that I will visit my mother and have been told that they can't change the visitor until they know how long my father will not be able to visit and if they did put me as the new visitor they would not be able to change it again. My father may not survive as his lungs have been damaged and also is on dialysis so it is a very difficult time for me. Can anyone advise as I am so desperate to see my mum before she deteriorates any further.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I am continually shocked at the lack of common sense and at times empathy of Care Homes... where is the Care and understanding in this situation. Why on earth the CH are not thinking of what is in your Mum’s best interests, instead of the paperwork involved is beyond me, its shocking. I mean how difficult is it to note, that due to the circumstances you are the NOK until further notice., What a terrible shame. Complain to their COO or whoever is at the top and maybe get a Social Worker involved, your Mother needs a visit and your father can’t be there, this CH should be ashamed of their lack of common sense.! Good luck, I hope you get to see your Mum soon

 

[Woo2]

Oh @Ski bunny I am sorry to hear about both your parents , that is very tough on you . I don’t have any suggestions except maybe call the dementia helpline and see what they suggest . Hope you can get to see your mum soon.

 

[nitram]

You could first ask the care home management to reconsider.

If no success and it is part of a group you could appeal to regional/national management and also contact the local director of public health with your concerns.

 

[Whisperer]

Dear @Ski bunny

I agree with the complaints advice given so far, but I suggest external pressure is needed here to get ”common sense” to prevail over bureaucratic box ticking. Contact your local MP. Stress what has happened to your dad, the response from the care home and ask them to intervene. It cannot be right that box ticking is causing so much grief. It will show the home you are very serious and if they have two brain cells to rub together they will realise they are sleep walking into a PR disaster. I sometimes wonder where common humanity has got to in recent times.

 

[Spamar]

Try your MP and the local paper. This is totally ridiculous!

 

[Just me]

I’m so sorry this is happening @Ski bunny where is the compassion and common sense.
Ditto everything that’s already been said but disgraceful that you have to fight to see your mum at this difficult time.
I hope you get to visit her soon x

 

[anxious annie]

Hi @Ski bunny I have just read about your predicament, and hope that the care home has seen what is best for your mum and allowed you to visit. This is about care and consideration, not paperwork. I do so hope that your dad has improved too.