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Visiting mum who has tested positive for Covid

emmamac

Registered User
Sep 15, 2009
94
0
My darling mum is almost 93 and has advanced vascular dementia. It worsened considerably over the last 10 months due to lack of contact with me and her grandchiidren. She no longer speaks, eats solids or walks. We have got so close to getting her through this, but on Saturday she tested positive for Covid. She had been unwell since Friday with a fever and very tired and not eating or drinking. The care home gave us open visiting and suggested we go in on Saturday evening which I did with my daughters and son. However, my husband who is 54 and has chronic high blood pressure was naturally nervous about me and our son exposing ourselves to the virus and bringoing it home. We wore PPE (gloves, masks and aprons) and stripped off as soon as we got home.

My dilemma is this....she isn’t eating or drinking, is very probably end of life and all I ever imagined was that at this point I’d be with her. But I am very nervous of bringing the virus home to my family and the consequences. What has everyone else done in this situation ? Please help and advise as I’m truly torn.....
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,202
0
Nottinghamshire
What a horrible dilemma @emmamac . I’m truly not sure what I would do. Could you isolate yourself from your husband for two weeks if you decide to be with your mum at the end?
 

Arthurgeorge

New member
Dec 16, 2020
8
0
What would your Mum say if she could? What would you say to your daughters and son if you were the one in the nursing home In this situation?
I know I would tell my children that I am being well looked after, comfortable, and I want them to stay safe as I love them very much.
Take care of yourself, what ever you decide. Thinking of you.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,041
0
@Bunpoots has an excellent idea.

I am not convinced that regular PPE actually protects you against the new strain.

A terrible decision to make.

If I decided not to visit then I would send a moon pig card with a different photo of the family on it every single day. Any staff that sit with her can use the card containing loving messages when talking to her.
 

Suze99

Registered User
Nov 8, 2020
19
0
@Bunpoots has an excellent idea.

I am not convinced that regular PPE actually protects you against the new strain.

A terrible decision to make.

If I decided not to visit then I would send a moon pig card with a different photo of the family on it every single day. Any staff that sit with her can use the card containing loving messages when talking to her.
 

Suze99

Registered User
Nov 8, 2020
19
0
I am so very sorry you are in this awful situation. Apologies for not replying sooner. I guess by now you may well have made your decision.

There really is no easy answer is there. I am sure your mum wouldn't want you to put yourself or your family at risk but I appreciate how much you will want to see her.

My mum recently passed away in a care home after contracting covid . She'd been declining rapidly prior to that over a few months. Although she was clear of infection by the time I visited they did have an active case on her floor. I did feel very anxious for my own safety and for my husband who is in his sixties. I did visit but only stayed a short while. She passed less than two days later.

Sending you love and thinking of you x
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
409
0
I was in this exact same position only this week just gone. I had visited my dad every day last week and again over the weekend. My dad aged 86 years was discharged from hospital just over two weeks ago back to the care home and we were told he was end of life. Nil by mouth it was a shock as dad only went into the CH in November from his own home but a small stroke and stomach ulcer put dad in hospital. I visited dad for around 7 hours over the Saturday/Sunday last weekend as I believed my sister was not visiting but that's another story altogether. To be honest I thought my dad was going to pass at any moment because he was in a terrible way. I wanted dads suffering to end and mine it was very painful to see him but I just wanted to be with him if possible. I went to the CH on Monday morning and saw dad for two hours but my sister that I don't get on with arrived so I left. I hadn't been home long maybe 30 minutes when I received a call advising me to shower and wash my clothing as a test result from the Covid tests done for everyone in the care home staff and residents during the latter part of last week showed my dad had a positive result to Covid 19. I had actually showered and put clothing in wash anyway as a hospital nurse said was good to do if visiting so I had been doing that. On Tuesday when I called they said it was up to me if I still wanted to visit dad they said they had actually given my sister a visor after I left the day before so the results had come through just as my visit must have finished. I discussed with my partner as he is vulnerable as is almost 78 yrs with Parkinson's and had a heart attack almost three years ago. My partner was supportive so I decided I would just see dad for the 10 mins they suggested with the addition of the visor. I had always been given apron and gloves plus I always wore my own fresh mask which I took off when out of the building and tied up in a doggy bag to bin once home. I would use sanitizer gel several times as used the lift and needed to put code In. I saw my dad for the last time on Tuesday I didn't go as close to him when in his room and sadly my dad did pass away five hours after I left him. I was asked if I wanted to go back quickly after he passed to say a final goodbye. I know it's very likely we won't be able to see dad in The chapel of rest because of the positive covid test. Would I do it again someone ask me in a few more days but at the time I did have a overiding sense that I really needed to be there with my dad but honestly I do have my fingers crossed now. I certainly think it is wise to think is this what your mum would be happy about you doing I'm sure she would understand if you cannot go and would want you to be safe. I think for me I also thought I had spent quite a few hours with dad without that knowledge so I could well have been exposed already and couldn't turn the clock back at that point. I haven't been anywhere else after my visits to dad and always went straight home. I am now Self isolating for the required 10 days starting the day after last visit to dad and care home. I have cancelled/delayed my next shopping/click collect from car park as don't want to pass on should I get it. I am 61 years old so younger than partner. The care home were actually supplying the lateral flow tests which I took every single visit so had quite a lot done during this time and all were negative including day of dad passing. A hard decision that really only you can make the final decision on. My sister did not see my dad again after her visit on Monday when she was told about Covid and in fact she did not go into dads room but stood in the doorway as she was not happy to do so. I understand completely as was her choice and nothing wrong with that at all it just wasn't mine
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
409
0
I am so very sorry you are in this awful situation. Apologies for not replying sooner. I guess by now you may well have made your decision.

There really is no easy answer is there. I am sure your mum wouldn't want you to put yourself or your family at risk but I appreciate how much you will want to see her.

My mum recently passed away in a care home after contracting covid . She'd been declining rapidly prior to that over a few months. Although she was clear of infection by the time I visited they did have an active case on her floor. I did feel very anxious for my own safety and for my husband who is in his sixties. I did visit but only stayed a short while. She passed less than two days later.

Sending you love and thinking of you x
Sorry for your loss @Suze99 I lost my dad this week ' with covid' not because of it. x