Visiting by looking through a window

[Vic10]

My OH is in a nursing home for 2 weeks, may well be extended, he is in a ground floor room, which means I can visit by waving to him through a window.
I suspect others maybe I the same situation.
My question is to those of you in a similar situation how often do you visit, how long do you stay?
My inclination is to visit at least every other day, the staff have been great and turn his bed so he is close to the window. But so far OH struggles to understand that I am there and as he is no longer able to communicate the opportunity is, I guess, just for my peace of mind, and therefore lasts only a very short time.
He knows me, I don’t want him to forget me or to think I have forgotten him.
I’m just curious to know what others do in similar circumstances? Will I drive the staff crazy? Will I drive myself crazy? Will OH even know I’m there?

 

[Blossom50]

My OH is in a nursing home for 2 weeks, may well be extended, he is in a ground floor room, which means I can visit by waving to him through a window.
I suspect others maybe I the same situation.
My question is to those of you in a similar situation how often do you visit, how long do you stay?
My inclination is to visit at least every other day, the staff have been great and turn his bed so he is close to the window. But so far OH struggles to understand that I am there and as he is no longer able to communicate the opportunity is, I guess, just for my peace of mind, and therefore lasts only a very short time.
He knows me, I don’t want him to forget me or to think I have forgotten him.
I’m just curious to know what others do in similar circumstances? Will I drive the staff crazy? Will I drive myself crazy? Will OH even know I’m there?

Hi
I've been in the same situation and can understand your worries. For me the window visits were short and awkward, but I found them worthwhile from my own perspective and peace of mind and I believe dad benefitted too. I think he was and is confused by the whole covid conundrum but seeing me I believe gave him reassurance that I was still around and looking out for him however difficult the circumstances may be. It doesn't come close to being able to sit beside him, hold his hand or give him a hug, but it's the best I can do for now. Remember your loved one is still the one you love, lost in the fog of dementia but nevertheless still there.
Don't worry about driving the staff nuts with frequent visits I'm sure they will understand, and if they don't, well that's not your problem or fault. However tough it is, keeping in contact is precious. We can't comprehend our loved ones muddled minds and nor can they. We can just keep going and adapting. You say your Oh can no longer communicate, but remember that doesn't mean he doesn't feel your presence, or have comforting thoughts from your visit. I wish you well and think you should be proud to be keeping up the window visits as often as you can, I honestly believe it is beneficial for you both.
When I can't visit my dad it chews me up inside and you probably feel like that too, and that is what is more likely to drive you nuts than anything else. Be strong x

 

[Grannie G]

If your people with dementia benefit from the visits, I wouldn`t reduce the frequency but wouln`t feel I had to stay for too long.

There must be a limit to the time you can spend waving to each other and trying out positive gestures.

It`s such a terrible time for everyone.

 

[Dutchman]

i visit looking through an open window but only stay 5 mins. i always take flowers and some treats but my wife doesn’t want to stay long and walks away. it’s very hard thinking that if you don’t often enough they will forget you but with me i believe that process has started already. But i go hoping i’m regarded as someone special and i live in hope that she may have some love left for me.

Damn it’s so very hard isn’t it. I hope to chat to a Admiral Nurse later to try and get my head round this heartbreaking problem.

I went on Friday she was in bed still so i never saw her. Do i try again today, tomorrow, i don’t know. Many say go when you feel up to it, well i don’t always as it’s always upsetting and i go more out of having to than want to. Does that sound dreadful and selfish?

Peter