Visited mum this week

[elwoodlpool]

Hi all not been on for a while but i went to see my mum on Tuesday and i noticed another change in her. As i walked into the home she was fast asleep and the nurses woke her up to see me and my sister. Even as i type this i keep thinking she's 51 she shouldnt be in there. Anyway as she looked at me a smile came to her face and she said "oh my god" then proceeded co say"oh dad i love you so much i love you dad" She thought i was my grandad who passed away five years ago. I just dont know still how to cope it cuts me in half. As we walked to mums room we sat with her talking and later put some music on for her on the cd player i bought her for christmas along with some cd's containing her favoriite songs. This one song came on CHILD OF MY CRADLE DAYS and as the song played she was tring to sing it. As i took her hand i couldnt help but look at this frail lady that used to be so full of life . And every time now i close my eyes a bed time this occasion keeps playing in my head. Does this ever go away i never think it will


Mark

 

[connie]

Hi Mark, just to say I feel for you. Cannot even send you a special hug, as I am not on my comp. at present. Keep your chin up, at least mum is settled, and in her own way, dare I say, "happy".

Love n hugs,

 

[Skye]

Mark,

I feel so sorry for you and your Mum. She's so young to be so ill. But as Connie says, your Mum seems settled, and she must have been so pleased to see you and your sister. Even if she wasn't sure who you were, she knew it was someone she loved, and who loved her.

It will take a while for the images to fade, but eventually they will be relpaced by imagaes of the past, when your lovely Mum was the lively lady you remember.

Keep visiting her, Mark. It means a lot to her, and will mean a lot to you in the future.

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Mark, I was wondering how you were. It`s good to hear from you again.
I didn`t realize how young your mum is. That is truly a heavy burden for you and your sister.
Do you look like your grandad? Maybe there is some resemblence that confused her. At least she knew you were someone special, even if she was a bit mixed up.
Keep strong Mark. You are doing the very best you can for your mother, in tragic circumstances. Love Sylvia x

 

[mel]

Hello Mark
Good to hear from you again.......I too was shocked to hear your mum is so young.
My brother feels very much like you.......he finds mum being ill very hard to cope with and finds he gets emotionally drained and very upset. Most of the time mum does recognise him but often she thinks he's my dad(as my brother gets older he looks more like dad). However whenever he visits mums face lights up.....its very special to see....
Love Wendy xx

 

[Cate]

Hi Mark

Also been wondering how you are, good to hear from you.

Your mum is just 2 years younger than me, how cruel to be struck down with this dreadful disease so very young, hard to take at any age, but bless her she has been robbed of so many fruitful years.

It was also good to know that she seems to have settled well into her new home...........

Maybe she did know it was you........just got son/dad mixed up, my mum constantly calls me by her younger sisters name, and she died years before I was even born..........but I know mum knows its me..........take heart Mark she clearly enjoys your visits...........dont let the down sides haunt you........just focus on the good bits, fantastic she even attempted to sing a song, that was brilliant.....

Love
Cate xx

 

[elwoodlpool]

Thanks Everyone

Hi all thanks for all your comments and support. Ive just got to keep the good times in my head i know this but if i think about it too long it really gets to me. Ive also started noticing that as well as battling with my depression my hypocondria is coming back full force like am gonna die before my girls get older. I sit torturing myself thinking ive got lung cancer as latley ive been having chest pains tightness and breathlessness. Ive been to the doctors on sevral 0ccasions about it and they say its stress. Ive had lung cancer in my head for about three years now. And its really gettting to me if its not money worries or health worries im worrying about mum i dont even sleep well anymore waking up all the tiime. I have a show to do tomoorow in Northampton and i just cant think straight only one person could snap me out of this and she cant help me now. I feel like im going mad.

Wish i could lift some of the worry

Thanks all

Mark

 

[mel]

Hi Mark
I'm no expert but as a sufferer of depression myself do you think these feelings you have of other illnesses are all tied up with your depression?
But don't be too hard on yourself.....you have more than enough on your plate at the moment.....
Please take care
Love Wendy x

 

[Cate]

Hi Mark

Take it from one who knows, the black thoughts about possible ill heath I would suggest probably stem from your depression, as does your inability to sleep, its all tied up with depression and anxiety.

You really should seek professional help, trust me, it really does work. I have walked a mile in your shoes, but there is light at the end of the tunnel ...........after 8 months off work with depression and anxiety, and weekly visits to a psychiatrist........I went back to work this week......... during the really dark times I truly doubted I would ever feel this good again, so please, be kind to yourself and seek the right kind of help, with the best will in the world this is a speciality area and your GP is not truly equipped to offer the best kind of help which you deserve. I'm now 88% there, still having my weekly sessions, but I have come to terms with so much.

You are so right, keep focusing on those good times, be kind to yourself.

Love
Cate

 

[Skye]

Hi Mark

Cate has said it all. She is so right, you really must seek professional advice. You are in a downward spiral, and you can't break out of it on your own.

Put yourself first for once, and go and get help. Keep posting, we all care about you.

Love,

 

[MrsP]

Dear Mark

Do you think these episodes might be panic attacks? (tightness and breathlessness common symptoms). That can be linked in with depression.

Really feel for you (Dad is 53), you are in the situation that I'm dreading, but which I know is around the corner at some point.................... Stay strong for your girls, they will always need you.

Take care, loads of love Kate x.