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Visited day care centre

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Trisha4, Jan 15, 2016.

  1. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,440
    Yorkshire
    We visited a day care centre near us today accompanied by someone from the Alzheimer's society. While we were talking to the manager in her office the fact that we are moving into the next phase of this horrible disease hit me and I couldn't stop the tears.
    The building is not great and it smells of food but the staff were lovely. They seemed caring and so understanding. The people there seemed happy and engaged in activities. Mick was fine while we were in there but when we came out, he wasn't so keen on the place. He knows it means he will go without me. We are going to try a day next week. I am actually going to take my husband to a day care centre and leave him there. I know logically it's a good idea but emotionally I can't get my head round it.


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  2. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,968
    Enfield
    Hi Trisha

    Don't look at it as the next stage of the disease, because it isn't, who told you that?

    Look at it as, some 'me' and respite time. Plus it is something that Mick can engage in activities with others, thus keeping his mind active too. I'm sure you could sit in for a while and if he settles you can leave.

    My husband was going to go for 2 days a week, as I thought it would be good for him mixing with others, instead of just being with me all the time. Unfortunately, we couldn't go forward with it as we were not in the position to afford it. I wish we could have.

    Let him try it for a while, you may find it beneficial to you both, and he may like it there. If not, he doesn't have to go again, does he? All the best M xxx :)
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,745
    Female
    London
    You're not abandoning him there, you're giving him the opportunity to mix with other people, do interesting activities and get a hot meal, all while you have some time for yourself. It works a treat for us. I've never felt guilty though I admit that's a lot to do with OH taking to it like a duck to water.
     
  4. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    1,073
    Mid-Wales
    Hi Trisha, I can understand the distress you are feeling. It's another 1st in a series of firsts! The first time you realise he's not safe to drive, the first time you realise you'll have to give up work, the first time he says"Do I know you?"
    I hope that it works out alright for you. Try to plan something positive to do while he is there so that you have less time to fret. Best wishes G x


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  5. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,440
    Yorkshire
    Thanks Mal. I'm sorry it didn't work for you. Thanks for your sensible advice x


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  6. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I agree with everything others have said. We know it's a journey, and every so often you come across a new road, that you have to walk along. But you so deserve a break. Remember, the Staff at both Day Centres and Residential Homes, work shifts.

    They might do 9 to 5 with an hour for lunch, and there are other colleagues to talk to and joke with, as well as the clients. When we're the sole carer, we're doing 24 hour shifts, completely untrained, and often have nobody else to talk to, except the wall, which we often find ourselves climbing. ;)

    You're gradually adapting to suit the life that you now both have, and, bit by bit, it will work out for you. xxx
     
  7. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,968
    Enfield
    Morning Trisha,
    Hope it was of help and things go well for you both, sending you (((((((((hugs)))))))))) M xxx :)
     
  8. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,902
    Female
    Scotland
    Morning Trisha and Mal. Day centre has been great for my husband and beyond words for me. Although John occasionally looks panic stricken when I wave goodbye I know that within five minutes he will have forgotten me. He likes people and chats away with old ladies and salutes old men like army buddies. I am so impressed with the goodwill in these places.

    Mal I am worried you can't afford it. Do you claim Attendance Allowance and council tax reduction? We pay £15 per day plus £4/5 a day for lunch and various snacks. I use John's AA for the monthly direct debit. If you can't manage that then I would like you to phone the Alzheimer's Society or Age Concern and explain your situation so they can help you out. It must be possible.

    Good wishes.
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,938
    Female
    Dundee
    My husband goes one day a week to the Alzheimer Scotland Day Car Centre. I remember when he used to go to the early stages group and the leader said to me she felt that Bill would be better to move to day care. I can remember being upset. That was some time ago now. Luckily Bill took to it easily and hardly looks at me when I leave him there. They charge £19 for the day and that includes lunch etc.

    I agree with Marion, Mal. It might be helpful to talk this through with some one from your local Alzheimer Society branch. Have you had a carers' assessment? If not then it would be an idea to contact the social work department and ask for one. Sorry if you've already gone down that road!
     
  10. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,968
    Enfield
    Hi Marion,

    This all happened 4 years ago, unfortunately, Stan deteriorated in that time, so it was not suitable for him anymore. He does get AA & C.Tax Reduct. Our GP had suggested the Day centre, also for someone to come to us on a Monday for 45minutes, to help Stan have a shower. The Council sent someone around to see me. She said they had to do a financial assessment, before anything could be done, which we did.

    The outcome was £12.95 for the 45 mins shower ( then when the guy came, he wanted me to help him, as he was frightened Stan would fall). The day centre was £96 for the 2 days.

    At that time, we were purchasing incontinence pads, sheets, creams, etc. So the AA money received was being used for that. It was only at a later date, we were advised we could be supplied with pads. It's surprising how much I have learnt since joining TP. Everyone has been so helpful with advice, through their own experiences.

    Thank you for your concern and comments, it is very much appreciated. M xxx :)
     
  11. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Our day centre, council run, was £45 a day including transport - it would have been really difficult for us to manage - but lucky us we had a lunch club where they took mum and then I found out that Crossroads ran a day centre too which was free but no transport. The council run ones are the most expensive - thank goodness we have other charities like AS who know how difficult it is to pay full whack for some people even though they have been 'financially assessed' and run places at affordable cost - now we just need to get the word out there to everyone

    Mal I'm so sorry you had such a hard time xxxx
     
  12. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,968
    Enfield
    Thanks Izzy,

    This all happened 4 years ago. Sadly the 'D' has moved on, and, that option is no longer suitable for Stan.

    When Stan received the AA, they sent me a letter advising I could claim Carer's allowance. After sending them the completed forms, they told me I was not entitled to it, as I received a pension higher than the Carer's allowance.

    I bought a wheelchair adapted van for Stan last year. Someone told me I could get the road tax free, as Stan was unable to walk. However, when I applied for that, the AA did not count, Stan had to be on Disabled mobility allowance.
    When I asked if I could get that for Stan, they said no, only people under 65 can receive that. How much more can one be disabled, when they cannot even stand, let alone walk, I give up.

    Thank you for your advice, greatly appreciated. Hope Bill is keeping well. Loved the photo of you both dancing. M xxx :)
     
  13. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,968
    Enfield
    Hi Fizzie,

    It wasn't that is was such a hard time, it's more frustrating than anything. I hadn't joined TP then, so, then it seemed there was no one to help with advice.

    It has, I think, become more of a topical matter, over the last 2 years, in the Media and so on. Which is really good for new sufferer's of 'D' and their carer's. Thank goodness.
    I heard on the news yesterday that they have two trials going on, now, and, they hope to have a cure, within the next 10 years. How wonderful if so.

    Have a good day. Thank you for your comments. M xxx :)
     
  14. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,440
    Yorkshire
    The place we visited is £8.50 a day to cover morning toast, lunch and drinks. Apparently if he gets a personal budget assessment it will go up to £19 but we have now been waiting for an assessment for 3 months.


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  15. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,783
    Female
    South coast
    The bolding is mine: - Pension doesnt count when claiming Carers Allowance, only the payment for work. I suspect that you put this amount in as your salary. I would re-apply.
     
  16. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,968
    Enfield
    That really good, even £19 doesn't sound too bad. M xxx :)
     
  17. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,968
    Enfield
    Thank you Canary. At the time the CA was £38, and my pension was £41, they said if it had been in reverse they would have given me the £3. won't tell you my reply :D

    I suppose I could try again, will let you know of outcome. M xxx :)
     
  18. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,783
    Female
    South coast
    There seems to be confusion here. Your pension is not counted. Do not put it in your claim - only payment for work is counted. Even then, you can earn up to £110 per week (there are also some legitimate expenses that dont count too)

    https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility

    Im assuming that you live in UK here BTW
     
  19. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,036
    Durham
    #19 jeany123, Jan 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2016
    I never got CA because my pension was more, I was told I had an underlying entitlement but that didn't make any difference to me I still only got my pension,

    You might not get Carer’s Allowance if you already get one of these benefits:

    State Pension
    Bereavement Allowance
    contribution-based Employment and Support Allowance
    contribution-based Jobseeker’s Allowance
    Incapacity Benefit
    Industrial Death Benefit
    Maternity Allowance
    Severe Disablement Allowance
    training allowance
    Unemployability Supplement – paid with Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit or War Pension
    Universal Credit
    War Widow’s or Widower’s Pension
    Widowed Mother’s Allowance
    Widowed Parent’s Allowance
    Widow’s Pension

    this is from the government site https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility
     
  20. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,968
    Enfield
    Yes. That's what they told me, Jeany.
     

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