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    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

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Visit of her son leaves my wife apparently unmoved

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by northumbrian_k, Mar 24, 2019.

  1. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    714
    Male
    Newcastle
    I had a bonus, if blustery, 25 mile bike ride today courtesy of my stepson and family’s brief first visit of the year to see his Mam. They were late as usual but said that they thought they could manage to look after her for 2 hours. Off they went to the Biscuit Factory whilst I headed up the Tyne valley. I had been home maybe 15 minutes when they brought her back. That was their entire visit (so far as we were concerned) and they are now on the way back to London. At least they made the effort but, as she doesn’t remember that they have been and is unclear who they are, they (like me) may be wondering why.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,751
    Female
    Scotland
    Perhaps the best outcome @northumbrian_k is that they will understand better what you are experiencing. That has to be a good thing.
     
  3. dancer12

    dancer12 Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    451
    Mississauga
    Hi northumbrian_k:

    I'm so sorry, it must be so awful for both you to watch your wife diminish and your stepson to realize his mother is so confused and doesn't remember him. It may sound cruel but I often say that this disease is worse on the caregivers. I remember my dad (he had alzheimers as well) going into hospital because he had a stroke being so agitated they had to tie his wrists to the bed and the following day I went to visit and I found him roaming the halls tied to his wheelchair. This most likely doesn't happen anymore but it is still fresh in my memory and will never go away until my dying day. They don't remember 5 minutes after it happens but we will always remember. That's the bad now here's the GOOD. Maybe your stepson will realize how hard is on you and visit more often so you can go bicycle riding more often:)
     
  4. chickenlady

    chickenlady Registered User

    Feb 28, 2016
    94
    If your stepson hasn't seen her in a while he probably had no idea how to make conversation with someone who didn't know who he was, he was probably horrified and distressed and he'll be the one who has to live with not seeing enough of her during this last year. Meanwhile get hold of your local council and ask for an urgent assessment of your care needs. Ask them to arrange for a sitter to come in for 2 to 4 hours per week so that you can get out and recharge your batteries. Take care of yourself.
     

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