Visit from memory clinic nurse

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by betsie, Feb 1, 2016.

  1. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    253
    Had a visit this afternoon from a memory clinic nurse ( don't know why, they phoned mum to make the appointment which was helpful, it was just lucky I was there).

    I wrote a list of all mums changes etc so I didn't need to speak in front of her but it didn't stop him.
    Mum has forgotten she has dementia and we don't mention it but he must have said it about 100 times. He also talked about putting her in a care home and other things as if she wasn't there. It was awful. The only saving grace was mum had taken her hearing aids out for some reason so couldn't hear half of what he said.

    Surely these people should know better. Mum thinks she is still like a 50 year old with nothing wrong with her. Her memory is fine, she doesn't cry all the time, my friend comes round to visit her ( alzheimers carer) etc. she doesn't need to be reminded of the reality of her situation that's for me to stress over.

    Visit was a total waste of time, other than suggesting getting night carers in ( who is paying for that?) and maybe putting her doneprezil up to 15mg ( could that make any difference).
     
  2. Grable

    Grable Registered User

    May 19, 2015
    165
    The situation you describe here, Betsie, is so bad it's actual laughable! I hope you have written/ are going to write to whoever is in charge of that nurse so that it doesn't happen to anybody else.
     
  3. Gwyneth

    Gwyneth Registered User

    Nov 25, 2015
    48
    Appalling treatment. Needs to be reported.
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    Absolutely disgusting. In fact so disgusting i would query any changes he made or any advice he gave. I would definitely write to the memory clinic with a huge complaint. This guy needs training. He's going out to people who have no support and leaving them distraught!!!!
    So sorry you've had such an awful experience. Thank the Lord for hearing aids!!!!
     
  5. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    I agree, you must make a complaint.

    I've not had a problem with the memory clinic practitioners for Mum (although they do keep using the 'D' word, luckily she seems to zone out and let me do all the communicating) but I was furious when I took Dad for a Memory appointment.

    He actually aced the memory test but scored 10 out of 15 on the depression scale. The woman, who seemed nice at first, asked him what got him down and he said that one thing was that he felt he was losing control of his life. She cheerfully said that, while he was still able, maybe he could start taking a look around and choose 'a lovely care home' for himself and Mum so that 'when the time comes' he can feel that he has madde the choice for himself.

    Talk about the wrong thing to say to my Dad!!!! :eek:

    When he said that he wanted to avoid that so that his children would have their inheritance (he feels VERY strongly about that and can't STAND the thought of the house being eaten up by 'greedy care home owners') she responded that 'your children are responsible for making their own money, they don't need yours'.

    Ahem! Excuse me b***h but, seeing as I've given up work, am living on Carer's Allowance, have a mortgage, can no longer pay into a pension and will probably be in my 50s by the time this is all over so will probably never work again I bloomin' well DO need my inheritance!!!!!

    Obviously I didn't SAY that and my main concern was that my poor Dad was clearly distressed at the very thought of going into a home. Neither of them would fare well in a home but my Dad in particular probably wouldn't last a month. I am their carer so that, hopefully, they will be able to end their days in their own home. I know fate may well intervene in that but a home would be the absolute last resort.

    Anyway I jumped in and said 'They are NOT going into a home, no way' to try and reassure my Dad. He now refers to her as 'that silly cow' so hopefully has dismissed what she said.

    I do wonder what kind of training these people actually have in dealing with people's feelings. Not a lot, from the sound of it!
     
  6. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    253
    I knew it would be a waste of time. My experience of the memory clinic hasn't been much better.

    He kept asking me what my expectations were from the visit ( which I didn't ask for) and any treatment he advised ( which he had too talk to the consultant about first and we would then have to go to memory clinic to see the consultant as well- so what was the point of his visit)

    I felt like saying, can you please give my mum back her memory and me back my life. I asked about whether anti depressants would help as she is crying a lot but he just kept on about putting the doneprezil up to 15mg.

    Me and mum did chuckle though as he sat with his legs wide open and the dog kept trying to sniff his private. The one thing I have learnt after 10+ years with dementia is you have to laugh at every silly moment. Yesterday was a classic , mum drew her eyebrows on with a blue biro as she couldn't find her eyebrow pencil. Luckily it wasn't a permanent marker.
     
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    oh i'm so sorry.
    your story about eyebrows made me smile - my mum used to use a red felt pen! I'm the scruff in our family, my Ma was so elegant and 'proper' and she used to wear a Burberry hat (very old but well cared for ) and a pink jacket and then she drew her eyebrows on - I couldn't stop myself, I just fell about laughing!! I agree the funny moments. My daughter showed me a video on her phone yesterday from a day not long before she died when the kids were teaching her how to play billiards - actually she knew and used to be quite a decent player and the look on her face when she potted the balls was so funny and smug!!
    Keep smiling and you have a very well trained dog :)
     
  8. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    My Mum was crying a lot too, usually in the mornings. Our Memory Practitioner referred her to the Psychology doc at the dementia centre and he prescribed Mirtazipine (on top of her Citalopram) and she is loads better now. On the rare occasions she has a bad morning she is given an emergency half Diazepam.

    I am shocked this halfwit didn't seem to take your problem seriously, you do need to chase that up and get someone with a brain and an ounce of compassion to make the appropriate referral.

    Red eyebrows eh Fizzie? I do remember back in the 90s there was a brief fashion for red eyeshadow (to which I did succumb, I'm embarrassed to say!). This could be the start of a new trend!
     
  9. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,713
    Female
    London
    Are you sure about 15mg Donepezil? That is not a usual dosage. You start on 5mg then go on to 10mg after 4 weeks. There is a 23mg version but we've never been offered it. A 15mg dosage would intrigue me as I've never seen that suggested before!
     
  10. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    253
    Yes. Mum was on 5mg for a year then has been on 10mg for the last two years. I'd never heard anyone mention 15mg either, maybe it's a new thing they are trying.

    Just had a phone call from mums neighbour she was out in the street very confused. I'm so lucky she has this lady two doors down she took her back indoors and made her a cup of tea. I'm going to see if her own GP will prescribe the citroplan, does it help them to sleep? Mum has taken a low dose of tamazepam for years but her body is so used to it now it's effects only last a few hours, she then seems to wake and be confused ( by which time it's very late). She also used to be a night nurse so has always slept poorly. I can't have her out in the street at night either and I don't like her to be disturbing the neighbours too often.
     

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