Visit by the Invisibles

[northumbrian_k]

Almost a year after we last saw them we have been treated to a visit by my wife's son, his wife and their daughter. They turned up at 5:30 on Saturday evening and left just before 7, with an arrangement to meet later in a local pub where we saw them for about 50 minutes before they had to leave. Today we kept our lunch arrangement arriving at the venue just before 1, then waited another 45 minutes before they bothered to turn up. Discourteous to my wife, her sister and me as well as to the venue that held the table for us, and 'justified' on the grounds that they had to call on an old friend first. Surely if you have driven 300 miles to see your mother who has worsening Alzheimer's Disease that ought to be the prime objective of your visit. Then after a short walk they set off back to London post-haste. Very little time for Mam and not much in the way of empathy or understanding either. I wish that I could forget the visit as quickly as my wife seems to have done!

 

[nae sporran]

OH has a son like that and a daughter who has had to be told off a few times before she started to realise what is happening. So, totally sympathise and agree with your sentiments northumbrian K. It is tempting to say you should just ignore them altogether, but that would be unfair on your wife.

 

[Clunchman]

I sympathise as family like that here. One of her sons phoned when she was being rushed into hospital by ambulance but did not come to see her for 5 weeks, then stayed 10min. I explained my dissatisfaction with his behaviour and he has not returned. Some caring son. He lives 10 miles away and works 2 miles away.

 

[hillymilly]

I sympathise as family like that here. One of her sons phoned when she was being rushed into hospital by ambulance but did not come to see her for 5 weeks, then stayed 10min. I explained my dissatisfaction with his behaviour and he has not returned. Some caring son. He lives 10 miles away and works 2 miles away.

I completely sympathise. My two younger sisters are the invisibles in my family. The youngest one came to visit mum (who has been living with me for the past 4 months) over this last weekend. Arrived Friday teatime, saw mum for 2 hours. Visited again on Saturday and completely wore mum out by making her go to places SHE wanted to visit. No thought to mum's walking problems and diminished energy levels. And then shot back home on Sunday morning. So basically less than 6 hours in total. My sister last visited a year ago, and then had the cheek to tell me how to look after mum!

I have managed to bite my tongue so far, and am learning to ignore my two sisters unhelpful "advice".

Sending you a sympathetic hug.

 

[SnowWhite]

Ha ha .... I'm wishing our invisibles would clear off and never come back! When they come they upset my mum every time and she's miserable for days. They didn't come near her for 12 weeks and she was happy and on an even keel. They never bothered much with her when she lived at home but now her house is on the market to pay for her care they are interested because they don't want her to sell it.

 

[Hamster Wheel]

and completely wore mum out by making her go to places SHE wanted to visit. No thought to mum's walking problems and diminished energy levels..

Yep, leaves you to cope with them in a confused state for 3or 4 days. Wouldn't mind but siblings partner is a community nurse!
When the day comes I want to really rip into them, I'll put the 'fun' Into 'funeral'- not that I'm angry or bitter

 

[SnowWhite]

Yep, leaves you to cope with them in a confused state for 3or 4 days. Wouldn't mind but siblings partner is a community nurse!
When the day comes I want to really rip into them, I'll put the 'fun' Into 'funeral'- not that I'm angry or bitter

It's bizarre isn't it how "being in the trade" means nothing to some people. My friends MIL is in a bad way, we both think she has dementia - she is far worse than my Mum - but her two sons won't have her assessed for some reason. The other daughter in law is an Occupational Therapist and takes no interest in her whatsoever and never offers any advice.

 

[esmeralda]

Have to agree, my husband's sister is a retired District Nurse. She lives about 15 miles away and we get a brief phone call every few months (last one early February) to ask how he is. I have done my best to make her welcome the very few times she's been here, which was only to sort out their mother's will. His other sister is so invisible I'm beginning to doubt she exists.