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violent father

sirhc s

New member
May 26, 2022
2
0
Hi everyone. I am new to this site and would like to get some views and experiences of other people. My father has just had his assessment and a visit from his GP, both of which are long overdue because my parents have kept his condition quiet. I know it is not his fault but my father has started getting violent towards my mother to the point that we have to go to the home at night to try and calm things down. The problems seem to arise from his irregular sleeping patterns even though he has been prescribed a mild sedative which worked great to start with but is slowly losing its effectiveness. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks in advance
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,074
0
Kent
Welcome @sirhc s Welcome.

Keep returning to the doctor . The medication can be tweaked until it is more effective. This is what I did with medication for my husband until the best dose was found.

The violence is probably due to confusion, especially if it is on waking in the night but your mother does not have to accept it.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,854
0
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point from me too @si rhc s . Suggest that your mum keeps her phone with her at all times and has a safe room to go to if your father's behaviour becomes violent. It sounds over the top, but phoning the police would be good thing for her to do in that situation. They have access to the emergency mental health team and that might kick start getting your father the help he needs.
I wonder if this thread Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired might help your mother and you keep your dad calm. Don't beat yourselves up if it doesn't work, but sometimes it is possible to deflect a situation that is building up. For instance my mother was convinced the neighbours were stealing from her, which they weren't. My husband just told her she was wrong, I tried logic to try and make her see it was much more likely she was misplacing things than her neighbours were coming in and moving stuff without her seeing. Neither approach worked and just made my mother more upset. My brother's approach was to use distraction and suggest a glass of wine or a good film to watch which worked better. It wasn't perfect and we had some times when she was really upset and nothing would help. However she wasn't usually violent.
 

sirhc s

New member
May 26, 2022
2
0
Welcome @sirhc s Welcome.

Keep returning to the doctor . The medication can be tweaked until it is more effective. This is what I did with medication for my husband until the best dose was found.

The violence is probably due to confusion, especially if it is on waking in the night but your mother does not have to accept it.
Thank you Grannie G. I can assure you that my mother does not accept the violence, but yes it is due to confusion and not being able to communicate his reality to my mother i think. We also have new meds for him