Violent Behaviour - What Help

[gigi]

I agree! Where is the GP in all of this? Is he aware? He has a duty of care and can make things happen if you are getting nowhere-unfortunately it seems that it will have to be down to you to do the asking-and you will need to stand firm and be your friends' advocate-and explain that.This is an awful situation..Wish there was more I could do help-it shouldn't be like this..hope it gets sorted soon for all concerned

 

[gigi]

Whoops-just re-read these threads and thinking it through again. I can't understand why if day centre workers can't cope they expect a 73 year old woman to cope. I'd contact everyone directly involved in his care and make a real nuisance of myself. It sounds like the same old story-no-one is going to take responsibility..but somebody needs to. Is it a case of those who shout loudest get results and his poor wife is so worn out she can't....perhaps you'll have to do that on her behalf and try starting with her GP if all else fails. Otherwise I agree-999 in an urgent situation. I do maintain that GP needs to be aware-otherwise he can say"nobody informed me" and opt out of responsibility. Good luck!

 

[117katie]

Dial 999 Again And Again

until such time as they respond.

This is an emergency!

Take care of yourselves.

 

[elaineo2]

like i said before,on call G.P immediatley,the question i asked you privatley may be the answer.There is some unknown cause for this aggression,not unknown maybe,but unfounded.the research i have done implies that aggression has a cause in dementia sufferrers?it's finding the cause thats the problem.
take care elainex

 

[Margarita]

In my area you have to wait for doctor to call back as your put though to main switch broad . I have call NHS direct O845 4647 when worry about anything for my mother or brother who even phone my doctor and put me though to them and have phone 999 in emergency for me and told me never to haste [Sp ] in phoning 999

 

[gigi]

Do they have the same GP? For whatever reason this situation seems to get to a crisis point and then everyone backs off.Why is this? this lady is going to need mega help(or worse) and HER GP must be made aware of the situation-for her sake-whoever that doctor is he is responsible for her health-he could abdicate responsibility on the husbands part if the husband is under the consultant's care-but really-he should have a hand in this. I do so hope that this is sorted soon.

 

[jude1950]

I had the same experiences when my Husband became very agressive and I feared for my safety. He had a violent outburst at the day centre he was attending and they rang me to tell me he was in a very agitated state I said I could not go on caring for him and was not prepared to go and collect him. They sent for the duty social worker who arranged emergency respite I was in a dreadful state I cried and sobbed when they rang me ....it transpired they had to call social services in because my husband was threatening to come home and smash My head in with a brick!! No one is responsible for the care of another person just because they are married to them ...but you have to be strong and firm . I told social services that if they insisted that he came home I was moving out and withdrawing all support. I also had the backing of my GP who was prepared to confirm that my health was suffering and that I was unable to continue caring for my husband at home. I am much younger than they lady who is the carer in this case but I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and angina so physically I could not continue.
My husband is now in an EMI care home I visit him often and make sure he is looked after, he still has agressive outbursts but at least I am not having to handle them on my own or risk injury or worse!!

 

[EONONLY]

Thanks again everyone. I've passed on all your comments and said that the time has come to make a nuisance of herself to all concerned. Last night I called the Out Of Hours emergency number for SS as provided here. Eventually got a call back and they spoke to his wife. In the background to her call the Husband was making a terrible din - It would have sounded dreadful on the other end of the phone - he was shouting out and crying uncontrollably because she was not in sight and dealing with the phone call. Still they said there was nothing they could do, but that she should see his Doctor. Thats where she is now at - Tonight I have not been called in so it seems quiet, we have fixed up a wireless doorbell affair that has the ringer in my house and she has the bell push in her pocket. She has been keeping a log of these events.
Calling the Police seems so drastic as he is completely detached in all this, and the events are always outbursts, 30 seconds later he is perfectly subdued and compliant. I have repeated your advice though, it may be the only thing that draws sufficient attention to this.

With all the above advice I'm sure we can get the attention she and he deserves - Unfortunately it seems it will have to be the result of further attacks before she can convince someone in authority he is a threat to her and any carer.

 

[alfjess]

Hi

Sorry for getting it wrong, I now realise it isn't your parents.

You have my admiration, for caring so much about friends

Get in touch with all the services you need to.

Alfjess

 

[Margarita]

You have my admiration, for caring so much about friends

You got mine also , good friends are hard to come by , but she sure got a good friend you in .

 

[Grannie G]

. Still they said there was nothing they could do,

Considering I gave you the phone number that had been given to me for emergency use, the response you got doesn`t bode well for the future. Not that my husband has ever been violent, but no-one can anticipate the type of emergency they might have.

 

[EONONLY]

Considering I gave you the phone number that had been given to me for emergency use, the response you got doesn`t bode well for the future. Not that my husband has ever been violent, but no-one can anticipate the type of emergency they might have.

Well the long version of what happened is this - actually I thought it was pretty poor. I phoned and they told me they were a messaging service - after a few minutes of questionning they said they would contact SS and I should expect a call. An hour later I had not received a call but all was calm (as explained previously) but I phoned them again as I at least wanted it all logged and hopefully a visit. I was told it could take an hour or so and to wait. I phoned at an hour and a half just to make sure they had the correct details. They said we may have to wait as the calls are prioritised - I mentioned that the call had been to advise of an attack on an elderly woman and he'd trashed things =- How much more urgent did they want. She took my details all over again and relogged the call - 10 minutes later they called back. No sense of urgency is an understatement, but I don't know what other calls they may be receiving on such a service. I don't suppose any of them are good. Lesson may be, if it's urgent, keep ringing until you get a response or dial 999 as suggested previously by JENNIFERPA and others - especially (particularily!) if you are on your own.

 

[Grannie G]

Well thank you. I now know what to expect, or what not to expect from the service.

If ever I`m unfortunate enough to need urgent help, I think I`ll cut out the middle man and just dial 999.

 

[christine_batch]

Another though on violent behaviour

I have been following violent behavious with couples. Although it is through a terrible illness, the danger for the spouse/Carer is still there. The help should be URGENT. If it was a couple in this situation, police etc., would be there, so why does not this come with the same label? Petr use to carry knives about him, stanley knife, swiss arm knife and although he was never violet, I did live in terror - What if? It was only talking to his Consultant that something that was done. I was seen as ingreat danger.
Why do we have to make thess stupid people understand the world of A.D./Dementia. We never know what will happen the next time. A neighbour with A.D. actually stabbed her husband, gentle lady, with a kitchen knife and Local Authorities acted immediately. Why does it have to get that far?
Christine

 

[EONONLY]

At last I think the situation is being treated more seriously - and its thanks to the many comments and suggestions on this site as doing these things have resulted in some positive action and attention.

A change in mindset I believe has a lot to do with the help you will receive. The carer needs to think "more" about themselves and their safety and become indignant if deprived of all the usual protections the official health workers (and general public) rightly expect. The level of acceptance that abuse and violence within the family is to be expected, because of dementia, is stunning.

Thanks again to all those that have chipped in - I'll post further developments.

 

[jenniferpa]

Well that sounds a bit more positive. As you say, dementia might be the explanation for violence, but I don't see that the fact that there is an explanation should mean that there is any less protection for the victim. I very much doubt if the cause of the violence was something like alcohol that there would be this attitude, but I guess you're right - the victim is often much more protective of the agressor in a dementia situation than they ever would be in other circumstances. It make my blood boil that the powers that be take advantage of this in a sense: really they should be actively protecting these victims who are not only dealing with something entirely unexpected, but are also having to cope with an awareness that it's not the agressors fault. These people are indeed fortunate to have you as a friend.

 

[EONONLY]

Well its a few weeks since I last posted and quite a lot has happened - The aggression has continued throughout but the Authorities have been taking notice, and the upshot is that tomorrow, Monday, he is going into a dementia unit. He will be re-assessed after 8 weeks but is unlikely to return to his home surroundings. This is really the best course for them both - He doesn't understand what he is doing and is a danger to himself and his wife - he has to have professional care.

To that end, there is now the issue of his departure and at a particularily sensitive time (if that makes any difference), Christmas. She is clearly distressed at this and feels guilty about him having to go in to care - We've been through explaining that its for the best and that she has done more than enough already and deep down she knows that. To get this far with him going into care means that resolution took place several weeks ago - but now, reality kicks in and she has a date and its all happening very quickly.

Advice from this site has resolved all the outstanding issues, any ideas/suggestions from experience on how to best help in this?

Kind Regards and Merry Christmas
Ian