1. Q&A: "Loneliness and isolation" - Tuesday 30 Oct, 2-3pm

    Are you experiencing loneliness and isolation? Do you care for someone with dementia or have dementia yourself? We are here to answer your questions on this emotive topic. Our next expert Q&A will be hosted by Anne from our Helpline team. She will be answering your questions on Tuesday 30 October from 2-3pm. Want to ask questions in advance, or don’t think you can make it? You can either post questions here or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on Tuesday 30th of October from 2-3 pm.

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Vicious Circle

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by blackers, May 17, 2018.

  1. blackers

    blackers Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
    Phew, where to begin. In 2012 I wote about an elderly auntie I had looked out for for 30 years. I'll write in bullet form to try to keep things simple.

    1. Devious brother 'helps' her move back to Essex. I was suspicious of his sudden concern, so put plans in place to protect my aunt, including setting up a LPA, which she was very reluctant to have me do and I dis-liked applying gentle pressure on her to allow it.

    2. Within 3 vweeks brother took aunt to change will leaving him her flat. I visited aunt some weeks later and she asked me to fill in relatives birthdays as address book and diary had gone missing. I come across diary entry for solicitor. I query it, but aunt says she cannot remember. Next day I take aunt to GP to get her checked over and ask for a mini mental health assessment as my aunt had definitely been showing signs of deteriorating mental health and depression before the move. Aunt very agitated towards me and says 'Terry is looking after me now'. Afterwards I ask aunt 'why is she being frosty with me'. I also enquire again about solicitors appointment and she says 'I have signed flat over to Terry'. I was fuming, phoned Terry who initially said he was not coming round as nothing to discuss. Eventually he turned up and first thing he said wa 'how did she find out'?

    3. When I left my aunt I.went straight to her bank and transferred a lot of her money into a holding account im my name only (I had my name on aunts account for 15 years and never touched a penny)..I felt like a criminal. I wrote to Social Services, my aunts bank and my aunt, explaining what I had done and why. Auntie, understandably was furious she said ' I have never been controlled in my life.

    4 Social services get write to me to say 'autie is fine, nothing wrong with her mental state. Brothers estranged daughter gets in touch to offer me support and explain 'dad's only interest in auntie would be for financial benefit'.

    5. A couple of months later my aunt had visited her solicitor again, I knew this because I had set up internet banking before the move also.

    6 A letter arrives from a different solicitor advising LPA been revoked. I explain what has happened and send copies of all my letters to GP, SS and bank explaining my side of story.

    7 Several months later my brother's daughter contacts me to say 'her dad had taken Kit to solicitor to change will and he had been told 'a sibling has been in contact with us, if this will is ever contested in court it would have less than 3% chance of going through'. My niece had only become aware as she's phoned brother to say her daughter was in hospital' Brother was in a very angry state.

    8 Throughout all of this my aunt is now not talking to me, so I contact the house manager to check on her well-being. One day I phone and manager says Kitty has gone away for a week with relatives. This can only be brother. I contact aunt's solicitor via email to voice concern. For the first time ever, he responds just to say 'he has noted my concern'.

    9 A couple of weeks later I phone house manager again to be told 'Auntie dosen't live here anympore', That is all she would say. I eventually phone niece who contasts her father to get some info. I discover aunt hs gone into a care home, which later becomes apparent, on the dvice of brother. Other family memebrs, up 'til now have been very supportive towards me. I told them about the holding account too. Several live nearby my aunt, but sadly never visit her. Two years later my aunt lives in the home, very lonely, she doesn't mix.. The dining room is 'very noisy'. I have no doubt the staff do their best. I have visited several times and she has been agreeable. The last time was just after she had had money stolen. This, I feel stirred un-happy memories and she asked me not to call again. It is a very, very sad state of affairs. I speak to a memeber of staff who asks 'when are you coming to visit M....., your aunt really looks forward to your visit'!

    Every single day I feel I should do more to get my aunt back with people who genuinely love her. I have for a long time been considering writing to the Court of Protection. Does anybody have simialr experiences. I don't know if my aunt has been diagnosed with any condition now, she did have an appointment at the memory clinic. How would I find out? Above all, my brother is still allowed to visit her at the home, though this is sparingly. I checked in the visitors book. Thank-you.
  2. concerned4

    concerned4 Registered User

    Jun 3, 2012
    Sorry to hear about your issues blockers, have a lot of sympathy having been in a very similar situation to yourself, I went to the OPG initially in 2013 with my concerns, on the basis of there being regular transactions which were not what you would expect a person who had there faculties to make, froze dad's bank account due to concerns, my sibling then took dad along for a 20 minute consultation in which time the consultant deemed dad had capax, long story short had POA removed in 2013, requested that OPG look at case again in 2015 in 2016 sibling was asked to resign by OPG as dad's card was used in USA whilst dad was in UK. Bank also contacted OPG in 2016, by then too late as damage done resulting in my sibling & children leaving dad destitute, on contacting the police they say it is a civil matter, meanwhile there has been in excess of £200k "received" by others to dad's detriment, when ultimately I was only trying to protect dad, hopefully you can progress this without the cost.
  3. blackers

    blackers Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
  4. blackers

    blackers Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
    Thank-you concerned4. It is the cost which holds me back, as so far have spent nearly £1,000 on legal fees and got nowhere. I also phoned police initially and they said the same 'a civil matter'. Aunt's bank did try to help as much as possible even phoning to say 'we can see what you are trying to do for your aunt, it does look like coehersion and manipulation'. Thankfully her new solicitor has LPA and not brother. I feel should I persevere against all odds as aunt is so against me or let it go, but my gut instinct tells me to carry on as this is not how my aunt should see out her final years, she was a very decent, kind, generous woman who deserves better. Thank-you anyway.

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