1. paris07

    paris07 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2007
    Hi all,

    I have been finding it hard to sleep these days as I seem to have a lot on my mind.

    I have a date for my total knee reconstruction ( both knees) 14t January 2008) not far away really.

    Also respite ,at care home , has been arranged for mum from the 22nd Jan to 25th Feb. so all seems to be in place. Hubby and carers will have to fill in the first week,

    My worry is I know mum is going to be so angry and upset, it is starting to worry me now , I dare not tell her , yet. Mum is still full on care ,she is walking with a walking stick around the house, but when I take her shopping she was very unsteady and it is difficult to manage her , I am unsteady on my feet also. She really loves going to the shopping center but I am finding it harder for me. Someone suggested a wheel chair but mum says ,no. ( Oh boy life isn't meant to be easy)

    Mums dementia has seemed to have increase slightly since the last fall, she is forgetting ( every day) how to make her bed something that she was always very particular about and now she gets angry if I am not there straight away to help her. She needs constant reminding of days and date and the people's names and cannot read anymore( even with new glasses) She does not look at the television she looks around ,and says that she cannot understand what they are saying. It is hard trying to keep mum entertained through the day,and she is beside me constantly.

    Sorry to pour all my problems on to you all, but it sure helps getting it out in the open.I know I have friends on Talking Point that will understand, and I thank you all.

    regards Paris07
  2. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    It is not at all easy looking after someone who has walking problems at the best of times, let alone when you have your own leg pains to cope with. Hope your op goes well. I have been toying with the idea of having the dreaded knee op for a very long time. I am such a coward that I keep chickening out of having it done. What a shameful thing to admit. So you are not only a wonderful carer, but a very brave person!!

    I can't help you with your problems regarding mum's refusal to use a wheelchair. I knew I would not be able to push a wheelchair so I got husband Ken a three wheeled contraption to walk with. It is rather like very sturdy shopping trolley with a cloth bag underneath for shopping and a wire basket on the top. Your mum might 'take to it' better if she thinks it is a new type of shopping trolley rather than a walking aid.

  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Paris,

    I`m sorry you`re having such a hard time. There`s nothing worse than not sleeping, especially when you have such stressful days ahead of you.

    January is over 3 months away. Please don`t worry about telling your mother yet. You really only need to tell her when the time comes, because what she doesn`t know, she won`t fret over.

    I do sympathize with you having your mother with you all day repeating the same questions over and over again, and forgetting your replies. I have it too, and however much I remind myself it`s the illness, It drives me up the wall.

    Keeping those with dementia occupied is a massive challenge. My husband reads the paper in 5 minutes, turns the TV off during the commercials, as he forgets what he was watching and becomes bored and refuses any suggestions I make.

    If you aren`t well on top of that, I`m not surprised you aren`t sleeping.

    Do you think your mother would accept Tina`s suggestion of a `walker`. It might help when you take her out.

    The sooner you have your op the better. At least you`ll have your mother in respite because there`s no option, and you never know, it might be an introduction to regular respite care in future.

    Take care xx
  4. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    Dear Paris,

    So sorry you have so much on your plate. The TV thing is interesting because it really seems to upset my Mum who has dementia; I wondered if it is because there is so much information to absorb and it's all so busy?

    The wheel chair thing is interesting; my Dad refuses point blank to have a wheelchair when he really ought to, but doesn't have a problem having one indoors.i.e. being pushed around for hospital visits and recently when we visited a care home for my parents, he had to go round in a wheel chair and almost seemed to enjoy it. But he will never, never accept one "outside". I wonder what that's all about?

    Anyway best of thoughts with you, I can understand total weariness, it is just so exhausting listening to the same things repeated constantly and keeping one's patience.

    And best of luck for the knee reconstruction, although it's not for a while yet, it's good to have a date for it.
  5. paris07

    paris07 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2007
    Hi All

    Yes we have a wheelie walker, and I sometimes take it shopping pretending it is for me (sometimes I need it for support as well). but of coarse mum will not push it ,just hang on to the side. It is sad that they think more of how things look than safety. I always push a trolley and mum hangs on to the side off that and has her walking stick in other hand. Thankfully sometimes she will sit outside the grocery shop and wait for me. she does not wander , as yet.

  6. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Worried about you

    Dear Paris,
    Please forgive me for causing you to have yet another reason for concern, but I am very worried about you having BOTH knees done at once.

    I understand that it means quicker recovery overall, but I am not at all sure this is truly the best decision.

    I had my right knee replaced a couple of years ago, and I can not imagine how I could have coped with having both knees done together.

    In my case the leg that was NOT done served as a support for the one that WAS done - if you get my meaning! The "good" leg helped to lift the "bad" leg in physiotherapy; helped me get in and out of bed; etc.

    Also ( and I realise this sounds very negative so I am sorry to be such a wet blanket) it is a very painful operation. Having the pain doubled by having both done together strikes me as a real test of courage - and one I personally could not have managed.

    I know hospital witing lists play a part in this sort of operation, but I encourage you to discuss the situation further with your doctor to see if there is any way they could be done separately. I realise this makes the situaton with your Mum doubly difficult to manage, so there really is no happy outcome no matter what decision you make.

    Please forgive me for being such a "misery guts" - I just couldn't bear to see you going into this without knowing just how hard it might be to have both done at once.

    Every best wish.
  7. paris07

    paris07 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2007
    Hi Nell

    I understand your concern , I spoken to a lot of people regarding this op. my specialist tells me that my recovery should be very similar to having one done at a time.
    I realize I am going to be a complete pain in the ...... for my poor hubby and all my friends and family, but I feel if I don't do it this way I will not go back for the second. No worry about waiting we have private health cover.

    thank you all for your thoughts,
  8. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    I am interested in your mum losing interest in reading and the telly, my mum is the same. New glasses, can't see with them. Telly, can't see what is on, can't hear it. In short, doesn't want to bother.


  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Margaret.

    I don`t think your mother `doesn`t want to bother`. I`m sure if she were bored and time stood heavy, she`d jump at the chance to read, or watch TV.

    I think, probably, she is now unable to process the information that`s coming at her.

    Love xx
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    that is a spot on assessment, from my experience
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #11 Margarita, Sep 22, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2007
    that how it started with my mother her mobility was getting worse so she had to use walking stick which she hated, was getting harder for her to walk even with walking stick outside in the street , so she use to use my arm and the walking stick , she use to get so angry with me when I told her she could not use my arm because of my back as I had sciatica .

    then one day she just fall down in the street while walking with me , so I got her one of those wheel pushers , she hated that also as her spiral awareness was going she could not push it in a straight line I had to guide it straight for her while she push it , also my mother would not go into a wheelchair

    When at respite they gave her a Zimmer frame to use and they let her keep it , take it home .

    Sounds to me that your mother finding it hard going in to what they call a transition of another stage with her mobility , I know how hard it was for my mother to except that her mobility was going and getting so angry at me about it .

    Now mum uses zimmer frame all the time I did get the wheelchair , but she to scared of it now ,any bumps and she screaming so I gave up on that and now mum excepts that she can't go out to the shops or cafes like she use to , took a long time for her to come to terms with it

    yes if anything like my mother she will get angry and upset , but you have to think of your own heath . Try not to worry about it , just telling her a few days before , don't be scared of her anger as she just angry at herself not thinking with logic so getting even more confused , so it feel to you that she taking her anger out on you , but she not really .

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