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Very stressed and emotionally drained

LauraMc

New member
Feb 7, 2022
3
0
Hi, my wonderful strong independent Aunt was diagnosed with MCI last year. She was living in England, with no family or friends to support her as we are all in Scotland, however we were delighted when she finally decided to make the move in December as she owns property here, and her plan was always to retire here. As her POA I made all the arrangements for her and we’re now in the process of giving up her rented house in England. She was happy to be in Scotland to begin with but shes now turned around and said she never wanted to move here and wants to go back to England. She can’t accept there’s an issue, not eating, not taking meds, terrible short term memory, she actually told me yesterday that she doesn’t know me well and how can she trust me. She’s known me for 50 years! That was a real blow, i know she’s not the same aunt she was but it still smarts. We’re trying everything we can to help her remain Independent and at home. She’s got carers in now to take some pressure off the family and she has an expedited consultant appointment next week following her memory clinic assessment. Her memory assessment last year showed early signs of Alzheimer’s but at the time they wouldn’t diagnose it, yet. I’m in a bit of a quandary, do we continue to dispose of her rented accommodation, or should we wait until her consultant appointment, just in case it’s not AD and something simple that can treated.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,303
0
Kent
Hello @LauraMc Welcome

Confusion caused by relocation is what identified my husband`s Alzheimer`s and I would try to hold on to your aunt rather than support her returning to her home in England.

It does hurt when suddenly you are viewed as a stranger but somehow that is another pointer to dementia.

If your aunt does stay in Scotland, managing the`going home` part won`t be easy but if it`s any consolation, this forum is full of posts about people with dementia wanting to go home, even when they have lived in the same house for years.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,843
0
South coast
Hi @LauraMc and welcome to Talking Point.

If your mum showed signs of early Alzheimers last year, that is not going to get any better. Even if she is diagnosed as having something else right now (and my personal feeling is that its not - IMO, there are a couple of red flags in your post), there will still be the underlying Alzheimers. She will need family around as this advances and she may well get to the stage where she becomes unable to move, so best to do it early. As she has already moved, I think that in your position I would just continue with the plan.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
2,445
0
Newcastle
Hi @LauraMc and welcome to your first post on Dementia Talking Point. This is a supportive community and I hope that someone with experience of a similar situation will be able to offer you some ideas. What you describe does sound a lot like dementia. If it is not too long to wait, it may be worth hearing what the consultant has to say. It would be best if you or someone else could be at the appointment too otherwise you will not get the full facts.
 

LauraMc

New member
Feb 7, 2022
3
0
Hello @LauraMc Welcome

Confusion caused by relocation is what identified my husband`s Alzheimer`s and I would try to hold on to your aunt rather than support her returning to her home in England.

It does hurt when suddenly you are viewed as a stranger but somehow that is another pointer to dementia.

If your aunt does stay in Scotland, managing the`going home` part won`t be easy but if it`s any consolation, this forum is full of posts about people with dementia wanting to go home, even when they have lived in the same house for years.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. It’s good to know that I’m not alone and I’ll certainly have a look for similar posts.
 

LauraMc

New member
Feb 7, 2022
3
0
Hi @LauraMc and welcome to your first post on Dementia Talking Point. This is a supportive community and I hope that someone with experience of a similar situation will be able to offer you some ideas. What you describe does sound a lot like dementia. If it is not too long to wait, it may be worth hearing what the consultant has to say. It would be best if you or someone else could be at the appointment too otherwise you will not get the full facts.
Thank you, someone will definitely be with her, otherwise she’d forget that the consultant has even visited her, her memory is that bad.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
5,017
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @LauraMc and a warm welcome from me too. It does sound like your aunt's dementia has progressed, but it might be worth having her checked over by her GP in case she has an infection. Urinary tract or chest infections can really play havoc with the wellbeing of older people, and don't always have obvious symptoms.
You are doing all the right things with using your POA to support her, but people with dementia (PWD) often don't understand that they have problems and they think all their difficulties are down to others. It is tough when you are doing your best, but the PWD thinks you are ruining their lives.