• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Very strange evening!!!


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Family arrived for the weekend. (My dear Lionel is in respite0
sON ( ARRIVED ON HIS OWN) Mum, lovely to see you , how well you look.
Wow, dining room looks lovely, candles etc. You look good! (0f course I look goood, Lionel is in respite)
Rest of familyarrive.........."House seems empty" yes I know but he is not here.

We had a lovely evening, I shone, ( at least I had plenty of time to do my make-up.

The heart of my house has gone, my dear Lionel is in respitre

and so we go on............or do we.............what is the answer.


Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
Hi Connie,

Yes indeed, what this illness does to us. Wears us out but never stops us loving. When we do 'have a rest' be it a few hours or a few weeks, we feel 'half a person' because our loved one is not sharing it with us even though we know that if loved one was with us the illness would not let us share it anyway!


Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
I'm so sorry Connie, I have no answer. I know my Mum feels this way about Dad, even after two years since he went into the home. In fact now that he has lost nearly all conversation and awareness she says she feels the same as when he first went in. We have had good times during these two years but at the moment they seem to be very, very few and far between. When Mum is in the midst of all the family and Dad is not there we all know that she feels the way you describe.

I do try to jolly Mum along but I know that sometimes I just have to allow her to feel sad even though it hurts me to see it. I know that Dad wouldn't want her to feel this way, do you think I should tell her that? It would only make her cry - and I'm sure she knows that anyway.

My son plays one of his songs "Smile like you mean it" and I think this is so appropriate to how I feel sometimes about Dad and about Mum. We're all putting on this brave face yet hurting inside.

Your family are there for you but they know they cannot take the place of your Lionel. I suppose the answer must be that with the support of our family and friends, (including TP of course) we all go on as best we can.

Thinking of you. Love from Hazel. x


Registered User
Oct 17, 2006
Hi Connie,

I am very new to TP, my Mum is a sufferer. I have just read your post and could feel your pain through your words, and hope I can offer a little comfort.
My Father-in-law had Parkinsons disease for over 20years, Mum-in-law cared for him at home. Towards the later years he went into regular respite care. This gave her the chance to be kind to herself and build the srength to look after him brilliantly.
I always remember the Doctors saying it was a certainty he would not have had a fraction of the long, happy and fulfilled life had it not been for her dedicated care, which in turn was made possible by the help of respite. We all owe her a world of gratitude and admiration for what she was only too happy to do.

Love Lesley
Last edited:


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Connie,
I hate going home and mum not being there - it feels even worse knowing that she is just up the road. I sometimes collect her in the wheelchair and take her home, and for a while we can pretend - but I know that she has to go back to the NH. Dad could not cope.
Sometimes we just have to accept change - even though our hearts scream out against it.
Take care Connie. Thinking of you.
Love Helen


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland

Big hugs. This is so hard for you, I've been thinking of you a lot since your last thread. Can't say anything to make it easier, but we're all with you.



Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
Dear Connie,
I hope you managed to enjoy at least some of your family evening - I think in our endeavour to make life as good as possible for our partners, we compromise so much of our own identity that we end up wondering who/where we are ourselves.....
I had almost the opposite scenario to yours last night, and ended up asking myself what is actually important (being an efficient hostess and enjoying a civilised candlelit dinner, or making the most of some improvised meal while at the same time tending to the needs of a loved one who can no longer appreciate special moments): a friend joined us for dinner, and although I had kept it all very simple, hubby decided to join me while pots and pans were bubbling and steaming on the hob ....... he almost managed to get hold of the knife, then turned both taps on full throttle, removed the serving dishes I had put out, completely failed to understand when we were ready to sit down and eat, grabbed condiments, glasses and everything else within reach, eventually thoroughly enjoyed a very messy meal, and halfway through dessert needed to be taken to the bathroom. Mutual friend is hugely patient and understanding, spent several periods of the evening by herself looking through magazines while I assisted hubby with personal care, and after she departed, I wondered whether there may be a day when I would be able to welcome her without the obligatory stress and interruptions - and whether I would actually be able to sit through an entire meal/evening without being interrupted and needed.

The present situation may not be ideal, but it probably is as good as it gets!

Thinking of you, Connie, and wishing you plenty of strength for when Lionel gets back from Respite!
Best wishes.


Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
Know where your coming from Connie.... Dad has started to think about NH's, but made the comment that........'I can't think of her (Mum) not here'. Heartbreaking after 56 years married.
Sending warm wishes


Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
I Shone

Dear Connie
i feel for you although i dont know the answer you put on this brave face so you dont let the family hurt as much as you do its false but what is the alternative the empty whole of your beloved no one can feel you have been a help to me and so many others i wish i was able to do more
you are a tresure to us all god bless
love Belx

Staff online

Forum statistics

Latest member