1. Calvin's girl

    Calvin's girl Registered User

    Jun 30, 2007
    I am looking for anyone who can give me some concrete steps to follow to get some help for my father. I have been reading and the only reason I am leaning toward the fact that it some form of dementia is because my grandfather also had it a few years ago. My dad is almost 68 years old and has been pretty healthy up until this point. About 3 years ago now my dad's brother, mother and father all died within about 9 months of each other. I know that since then my dad has had a really hard time dealing but he has not gotten better only worse. He began repeating questions and now when we talk we just talk in circles for however long we are talking. My biggest worry is that last time I was home trying to snoop through some of his things to see if he was taking care of business I found his savings account statement had a name added to it which belong to my father's lady friend. Anyone who knows my father knows he would never do that. He is way too private about his money affairs. He is pretty generous sometimes but never would I who is the closest person to him be aloud to see papers like that unless under extreme circumstances. Long story short I am afraid that when we really need the money for my dad it won't be there for him. He won't go to the doctor and when he does he won't go for any continued tested that they are requesting for him. He can't find papers. He owns property but I don't even know if bills are being paid because he never is at home any more. She has made no attempt to contact my brother or I and it wasn't until I got home this past November that I realized just how bad he had gotten. He forgets to eat. You can't send him to the store because he never remembers why he is there. I am heart broken but whenever I bring it up he just has a fit and tells me there is nothing wrong with him. But if I call him back in 10 minutes he barely remembers we talked if he remembers at all. Help me please tell me there is something we can do beside waiting for everything to fall apart.

    Thank you
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hi Calvin`s girl, welcome to TP.

    I`m sorry you are so distressed about the decline in your father`s health. To lose so many close family members in such a short time is a tragedy that would affect anyone, but not necessarily to the extent it seems to have affected your father.

    I am not familiar with the welfare situation in the USA. We do have some regular contributers from the States, so they may be of more help. But I would advise you to seek professional advice as soon as possible, as your father`s next of kin.

    Please let us know how you get on.
  3. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Calvin's girl

    I agree with Grannie G, you do need legal advice as next of kin. What a worry!

    Is it possible for both you and your brother to go to your fathers home together and one of you take him out while the other has a really good look at all the paperwork?

    Yes, I know that sounds awful, but it might be the only way to find out exactly what his financial position is at the moment, I felt like a criminal going through my Mum's papers, but it had to be done.

    Have you any way of contacting his lady friend to let her know you are aware that her name is on the savings account too.........there may be a good reason for it, if not at least she will know the next of kin are watching out for him.

    As Granny G says, we have members from the USA on here, so hopefully you will be able to get more advice soon.

  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Calvin's Girl

    What a worrying situation. Your poor dad has had a number of shocks, and the first reaction is to suggest that he may be severely depressed. That would fit with his inability to cope with business and financial affairs.

    But it does sound as if there is more than that, if he is forgetting conversations so quickly. He really does need to see a doctor, to find out what is going on.

    Then you also have the money matters to deal with. Does your dad's lady friend live with him? If so, he may have put her name on the account simply so that she can take care of things for him, though the fact that it is a savings account makes this less likely. I agree with Kathleen, you need legal advice on this one.

    Here, I would have said that as next of kin you should take steps to obtain power of attorney, in order to safeguard your dad's money. I don't know what the US equivalent is, but you certainly need advice.

    Let us know how you get on.
  5. SusanR

    SusanR Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    Calvin's girl,

    It may be true that his lady friend is listed on the account so she can assist, but I would doubt it. You need to see an elder law attorney who specializes in situations such as these. Powers of attorney for finance and health and also to guide you through the maize eventually getting your dad to medicaid.

    He did suffer loss and could be depressed. I think you and your brother need to put your heads together and find out exactly what is going on.

  6. Calvin's girl

    Calvin's girl Registered User

    Jun 30, 2007

    Thank you very much for all of your words of kindness and advice. I have begun looking for a elder law attorney and also contacting the tenants in my father's property just to get some things in writing in my defense. I will keep you updated. Thanks again.
    Calvin's girl

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