Very Disappointed.

[Taffy]

Dear Sylvia,

Thanks for your kind thoughts. Dad needs a skin graft on one leg the surgeon doesn't think he is well enough for surgery. Monday or Tuesday they will investigate his swallowing problem. Dad is receiving excellent treatment now.

This morning when I visited mum she was asleep in the lounge area I spent 30mins trying to wake her...no luck other than a few incoherent words. I returned this afternoon to check on her she had eaten her lunch but was asleep again...no luck arousing her, they suspect TIA's. I phoned this evening and she was awake and talking to another lady. I'll see what tomorrow brings.

Take Care, Love Taffy.

 

[Nell]

Dearest Taffy,

Nothing to suggest - just sending you my continuing support and best wishes. It really is an awful time for you at present. Thank goodness your Dad is getting the care he needs. I hope your Mum is doing better this week. You are amazing the way you cope with everything.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[alfjess]

Dear Taffy

You have my sympathy. You must be exhausted

I know, coping with two parents isn't easy.

If it's not one, it's the other, or what is worse, worrying about both at the same time.

Hope things improve soon

Love
Alfjess

 

[Margaret W]

Dear Taffy

I was going to post some advice till I read the rest of your posts and realised I couldn't really advise at all.

Look after yourself, you clearly have a great burden at the moment, mainly your dad it seems, but also mum.

My love goes out to you, I don't know how to do those fancy bears.

Much love

Margaret

 

[Taffy]

Weary and at a loss

Thank you all so much for your support it is much needed.

Dad isn't doing so great at present. More grief for me....I seen dad on Saturday and told him that relatives were coming from down south on Sunday so I would not be coming in the morning to visit but would be there as usual in the afternoon with the relatives.

Sunday after visiting mum we went to visit dad and he wasn't in his bed a lady was....another lady told me that they came and took dad away in the night. I thought that because dad was in with three other ladies that they had moved him into another ward.

When I asked where dad had being moved to.... this was the reply, your dad was taken to A&E because he haemorrhaged from the bowel he also had severe chest pains I asked where he was so they rang to find out....dad had being transported to another hospital and no one had phoned to tell me.

After speaking with the director of nursing and receiving all the apologies under the sun I went to the other hospital. Dad is in a bad way.... today he had the Endoscope results a hole in his oesophagus owing to his already poor health anaesthetic is out of the question I spoke with two specialist and the best they can offer is....if dad picks up they will consider putting a sleeve into his oesophagus but dad would have to improve considerably and he will only be able to eat soft foods.

There was a discussion at length on dad's prospects none of it being good. If dad was to have another heart attack he has already had two mild ones in the last ten days then there will be no medical intervention other than keeping him comfortable. Dad's leg is quite painful and tomorrow a surgeon will put another dressing on it....the leg needs a skin graft.

If dad pulls through all this he will be assessed by the geriatrician the Dr's say it is most unlikely that dad will return home to live.

I have seen dad at deaths door quite a few times but maybe this time his luck has ran out everything seems to be working against him. The blood transfusion gave him a boost I'm not sure if they will continue with them. I'll keep you all posted.

Thanks again
Love and best to you all,
Taffy.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Taffy,
My heart goes out to you. You sound so low.

I only wish there was more we could do than offer sympathy, you are having a nightmare of a life just now, and who knows how it will end.

Just take as much care of yourself as you can. I only hope any pain your father is in is being controlled.

Don`t waste precious energy and emotion on the negligence of the home. Save it for later.

Love xx

 

[jenniferpa]

Dear Taffy

Just wanted to say that you and your family are in my thoughts. Try to take rest when you can and don't forget to eat as well.

Love

 

[Kate P]

Oh Taffy, what a terrible time for you and your family.

I wish I could offer more but all I can say is you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Taffy]

Thanks Sylvia Jennifer and Kate,

I spent this morning with dad he is less confused. A blood culture was done and it shows a bacteria growing, owing to the poor state of his arms.... yesterday, a Pic Line was inserted and Intraveinus antibiotics were started they are continuing with the blood transfusions and this afternoon he is having another endoscope to trace the internal bleed.

Dad's leg is very painful and I think this maybe the culprit as far as the bacteria goes. As far as dad's heart goes things are quite stable....the internal bleed will be making the heart work faster and this accounts for the chest pains.

The Dr's will be in touch with me when they themselves decide the best route to take. Take Care Taffy.

 

[Taffy]

Up date on things

Hi All,

Mum at present is very content no agitation she isn't on any sedation she is just calm and compliant. Her mobility is a worry especially when she stands still her balance isn't good. Mum forgets her walker and needs reminding mum's care has picked up she is showered every morning and has had clean clothes on everyday since leaving the hospital.

Mum wets the bed every night and the carer has to wake her up each morning mum sleeps a lot now. Most of the time mum is quite clueless to any happenings but it is good to see her so content. The decline just has to be accepted the tormented state is the hardest for me to accept. I have not being informed about any changes to mum's level of care payment so they must still be only receiving low care payments.


Three weeks on dad is still in the hospital because of the heart attack it will be three months before they will even think about operating and repairing the hole in his gullet. The problem is they don't know where the hole leads to and are concerned about a abscess forming.... this hole is where the internal bleed is coming from. Antibiotics continue for the blood bacteria the skin tear on his leg is very nasty and will take sometime to heal.... again skin grafts are out of the question because of his heart.

The Dr's truly didn't expect dad to survive and I didn't either. Dad has just started on soft foods and it has being four days since he needed a blood transfusion. It is very hard to get to talk to anyone concerning dad and he is having repeated body scans done and the nurses don't seem to know why.

One thing I do know is that he has refused all requests to go into care and when the Dr's are satisfied they have done all that they can....dad is coming back home. According to dad the SW will be organising all the help he needs this sounds so familiar.

I do hope that everyone is well and coping. Love Taffy.

 

[Skye]

Dear Taffy, thanks for the update.

I'm glad your mum is calmer. As you say, the decline is something we can only accept, torment is something else.

Your dad seems to be very poorly, I hope they can find the bleed and manage to stop it.

I also hope for your sake that the care package you've been promised materialises.

Love and best wishes to all of you,

 

[Margarita]

Mum at present is very content no agitation she isn't on any sedation she is just calm and compliant. Her mobility is a worry especially when she stands still her balance isn't good. Mum forgets her walker and needs reminding mum's care has picked up she is showered every morning and has had clean clothes on everyday since leaving the hospital.

Just been reading from the beginning , pleased to read how more
settle your mother is now

sorry to read about your father how he is now , bless hid soul when he says

One thing I do know is that he has refused all requests to go into care and when the Dr's are satisfied they have done all that they can....dad is coming back home. According to dad the SW will be organising all the help he needs this sounds so familiar.

I say If it give him confront , let him think like that ( as you know other wise ) He does sound like a strong courageous man from reading about him in all your post in this thread . I can tell where you get all your inner straight from to help you cope with both your parents , your father xx sending you my best wishes and love Taffy xxxx

 

[Taffy]

Thanks Hazel & Margarita,

I also hope for your sake that the care package you've been promised materialises

Dad needs full time care but as we know he can't be forced into care against his will as he is still of sound mind. At one stage it was thought he would need the antibiotics through the drip for 6 weeks if that thought has changed I'm not aware. A micro biologist is treating the bacteria.

Every six hrs he has these antibiotics and the Pic Line is not functioning properly so a cannula had to be inserted last night and today someone is expected to try and sort out the problem with the Pic Line.

I'm blessed if I know how he is going to manage at home and my daughter thinks he is banking on me caving in and looking after him 24/7. Dad already resents the fact that he is dependent on me and his manner towards me at times is very condescending. The problem with dad is he has always being one to count his sorrows and the blessings go unnoticed.

Dad is going to need a lot of care support and I have reminded the medical staff that this will need to be in place for immediate access on his discharge....7 days a week.

I'll just have to see what the week brings.

Thanks for caring, Love Taffy.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Taffy,

Is there a real possibility of your father being discharged in the near future or is the hopital trying to be positive?

It doesn`t sound as if he is anywhere near fit to go home, nor does it sound that he will be for a good while yet.

Are you legally bound to take responsibility for his care? Is your mother still officially next of kin? I know this sounds awful but what would happen if you refused to oversee his care on discharge. The powers that be could not send him home in the frail condition he is in.

The system is asking too much of you.

Love xx

 

[Skye]

Taffy, you can't possibly cope with that. Please don't let them blackmail you, the staff should be looking out for you as well as your dad.

You have to say no, however hard that is.

Love and hugs,

 

[Taffy]

Dear Sylvia and Hazel,


The estimated release date is the end of this week. Today, dad had a radioactive injection and tomorrow he will have further scans. I asked the nurse what the need was and her reply was a follow through on the scans done on Friday.

I meet with the veterans liaison nurse today about the care package I wasn't sure if to laugh or cry this is the package.

One and a half hrs domestic support a week which was already in place but according to this nurse dad is more privileged there because many only get the service fortnightly. His washing by all means can be done but something else will have to be left until the next week if the time is running out.

A speciality nurse will be sent in to manage his leg wounds and will turn this over to the community nurse when seen fit.
All other wound care will be handle by the community nurse if I feel it needs to be.

Showers, this will be decided by the community nurse and he can have up to three a week but it is usually two. I asked what about when dad gets diarrhoea.... her reply was, there is nothing in the care packages that cater for such incidents and if these are frequent and you or your dad can't manage then he will have to go into care. I reminded her that for the last 9 days this has being a problem.... Oh, it may just be the antibiotics. Dad has a history of severe diarrhoea and is on prednisone to control it and this is what has caused his skin problems.

The micro biologists care plan isn't in yet. Dad will follow a soft diet and have frequent check ups. Follow ups with the heart specialist will be organised.

This nurse told me that the release date isn't set in concrete but when he is released she will organise a nurse to visit dad daily for a week and if he isn't coping then the aged care assessment team will be called in.


I have Appointment of Enduring Guardian but this can only be activated against dad's will if he is of unsound mind. My hubby feels that because they can't make dad go into care they know by letting him home they will soon have the grounds to be able to act and declare him unfit to live alone.

The government policy is to provide the elderly with care support to live at home for as long as they can. The hospital can't act as a convalescent home and dad refuses respite placement so as soon as they are sure he doesn't need hospital care, then he will come home.

I was told by a staff member not to be at his beck and call when he goes home and let the community carers see....if and how well he can cope. Has anyone a opinion on what my hubby thinks? Could this be plausible? Love and best wishes, Taffy.

 

[Skye]

I have Appointment of Enduring Guardian but this can only be activated against dad's will if he is of unsound mind. My hubby feels that because they can't make dad go into care they know by letting him home they will soon have the grounds to be able to act and declare him unfit to live alone.

..........

I was told by a staff member not to be at his beck and call when he goes home and let the community carers see....if and how well he can cope. Has anyone a opinion on what my hubby thinks? Could this be plausible? Love and best wishes, Taffy.

Taffy, I agree with your husband. There is no way your dad can cope on his own in his condition.

I don't know what the law on this is in Australia, but here the only way to take someone into care against ther wishes is with a Section, and that would mean him staying in hospital. So they send him home to fail!

It's going to be agonising for you for the period that he is at home.

This nurse told me that the release date isn't set in concrete but when he is released she will organise a nurse to visit dad daily for a week and if he isn't coping then the aged care assessment team will be called in.

Make sure this is put in place before you agree to anything.

It's an awful situation, and so unfair on you all, and so demeaning for your dad to be treated this way.

Love and huge hugs,

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Taffy.

I think you need to stop presenting yourself as such a caring daughter and let the hospital know you are completely out of your depth with regard to your father`s care, if and when he is discharged.

There is no way a man in his condition, also subject to bouts of diarrhoea should be sent home. Whatever care package is in place will still leave him at risk. And by being asked not to be at his beck and call, you are being encouraged to put your father at risk.

Sorry Taffy, my post sounds as if I`m shouting at you, but I am so cross that such good people are taken advantage of. I don`t know whether it`s the fault of the individuals or the system, but the more I hear about lack of care the more I despair.

If you show yourself to be less cooperative, you might get better care for your father.

Love xx

 

[Taffy]

Thanks again for your replies.

Sylvia, I don't see your reply as shouting at me and I have made my concerns known. The medical staff were the ones that broached the matter of dad not being seen as capable of living alone. I agreed and was under the impression that if dad was able to be released he would be going into care. I was very relieved by all this and fully aware that dad would not be happy.

When I asked, Why have the goal posts being moved.... the reply was, dad will not see reason he is adamant he is coming home and asks them, what part of that don't they understand.

For the next three days the drip will be removed for two hours a day so dad will be free of the drip stand and the OT and physio can make a final assessment.

Hazel, I asked the staff about documentation as to what will be in place and I will receive that on discharge. Today, I notified the Aged Care Team explained the situation and was told that when he comes home to get his GP to ring and request a urgent assessment. I have spoke with the mental health team also and on his release they will come and assess him.

If dad wasn't so stubborn and pig headed all this stress could be avoided. I can understand his feelings concerning losing his independence but things like this happen in life. Dad is burning his bridges as far as family goes and in reality I am the only one who puts up with him.

Common sense may still prevail, hoping so anyway. I will let you know the outcome.

Kind Regards

Love Taffy.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Dear Taffy,
I have just caught up with this thread. I am so very impressed by your rational, calm approach to all this, although I know inside you must be completely devastated. Please take care of yourself, it's vital.

I don't know - it seems to me a man in your father's condition insisting he can take care of himself - isn't this unsound thinking? I realize we need to protect patients' rights, but not at the expense of their physical safety.

Thinking of you. And I have your signature printed out & posted on my wall at work. It's so true.

Love,