Very Disappointed.

Taffy

Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
1,314
Mum's eight months into her care home stay now and the first six months were spent packing demanding to come home or thinking she was coming home. Then all the packing stopped she would still ask if I was there to take her home but accepted 'not just yet'.

Three weeks ago mum stopped asking to be taken home she would even come home for a few hours and then be anxious to go back. This was very pleasing to me as she finally was contented and looked at the place as 'Home'. I go just about everyday I miss a day here or there....mum has deteriorated to a point were her personal care needs require supervision hence the reason I go so often. It's the luck of the draw with carers if she has her hearing aids, false teeth in or her glasses on I don't need to explain the pitfalls if she hasn't. I also shower and wash her hair but things there are picking up they have before and then things wane again.

It's not possible for me to bring her home I can't look after both her and dad and mum's needs are 24/7 and dad can't help anymore.

Over the weekend mum was fine happy and didn't want to come out because of the rain. Monday, disastrous she wasn't sitting in her usual chair she had her handbag over her shoulder and there was no smile to greet me. She told me she had got her marching orders if she didn't have such a look of despair I think I would have chuckled. I took her in her room everything was packed she wasn't leaving them anything she would rather take what she didn't want home and bin it. It was pitiful! I convinced her to stay until the next morning hoping for a better outcome.

Tuesday the situation was worse mum totally convinced she wasn't welcome no one liked her they were all mean and didn't want to be her friend. The carers were at a loss she was having nothing to do with anyone there. This is just a possibility two other female residents are constantly on her back about helping the carers with odd jobs mum likes to help and the carers are great that way, I know it helps them but it is more that mum enjoys doing the odd jobs and they are happy seeing this. I think one lady may have confronted mum and this is what has set her off BIG TIME! as this lady tells the carers they are just lazy and mum pays her way. I have also heard this lady when I have gone in and mum always finishes her little task first this annoys this lady no end.

Wednesday things had escalated to the point that mum had to start serenace. I took mum in a broom duster and scoop this way she could fiddle in her own room. Management was agreeable they are very good like that anything within reason to keep them happy. They will encourage mum to continue doing her other little tasks because she does enjoy this.

Today, no mention about eviction everything packed again she had even stripped the bed. She just isn't staying there anymore she is coming home. I told her she had to stay until such times that someone was available to move in full time and look after her and dad. I tell her that dad is in the old men's home, this is what in her time they were referred too. Boy, when my name comes up they'll surely padlock the 'Pearly Gates'. Sometimes it is all too much. I just hope that this medication Serenace is going to be very short term owing to the increase risks in falls. Thanks for reading. Love Taffy.
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Taffy,
Just wanted to say how sorry I am that your dear Mum is going through this phase. I'm sure it will only be a phase, and as you say, it is difficult to be sure what has brought it on, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with while it is happening.

Isn't it amazing how our loved ones cannot remember lots of things for 5 minutes, but when it comes to something like this (that we hope and pray they will forget) it seems to hang on tenaciously in their minds???:confused:

The problem with the other residents is that it won't work to tell them to leave your Mum in peace, as they will forget instantly! :eek:

You do such an amazing job for both your Mum and your Dad and it is such a shame this has happened - just as your Mum seemed to have finally accepted being where she was.

All my sympathy (not much help I know) and much love.
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
I am sorry also that your Mum is going through this phase. I do hope it passes soon and you can get a break from it.

Somehow I think the Pearly Gates will certainly be open for you -but not yet cos you are needed (on TP too).
Take care Jan
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,762
Kent
.

Isn't it amazing how our loved ones cannot remember lots of things for 5 minutes, but when it comes to something like this (that we hope and pray they will forget) it seems to hang on tenaciously in their minds???:confused:

.
How true this is Nell.

Dear Taffy,
I`m so sorry your mother has developed this behaviour. I can imagine your heart`s in your mouth not knowing what to expect when you get there. It must be very tiring for you too, having to use all your guile to persuade her to stay in the home.

It`s such a difficult situation isn`t it, either she falls or she packs. How do you get the better of either.

I wonder if they reduced the dose, she would stop packing, but not start falling again. :confused:

I hope it gets resolved soon, for both your sakes.

Love xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Boy, when my name comes up they'll surely padlock the 'Pearly Gates'. Sometimes it is all too much.

Dear Taffy, you certainly got that wrong! I'm sure even beyond the Pearly Gates, carers like you will be needed. Imagine the stress of having to cope with all that bliss!:D

I'm sorry you're having to cope with this again, it must be so distressing to see your mum so unsettled and unhappy. I'm sure Nell's right, and it's just a phase, but that doesn't make it any easier to bear. I think you're handling it in the best possible way.

Lots of love and sympathy,
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Dear Taffy, I'm so sorry about the change in your mum and all the stress it is creating. I do hope it is a phase which passes quickly. Don't worry about the Pearly Gates, Taffy There'll be a whole bunch of TP-ers there on the outside for the same reasons as you. I think there should be enough of us to storm them.:):)
 

Natashalou

Registered User
Mar 22, 2007
426
london
This must be very difficult. My mother hasnt gone so far as to pack thanks goodness but still after 9 months she refuses to have any personal belongings because she is still adamant she doesnt "live" there. Therefore her room is spartan and unweloming but when I took stuff in she made a fuss. She had accepted a couple of plants but thats it.
She also claims people are "against her"..they "hate her"..are spiteful too her, hide her clothes, make sure she cant sit near her "friends" (although she often complains about the said friends too!)
Its really really sad to think her whole life really is this awful paranoia and misery. If only she would settle a bit, surround herself with a few luxuries and stop thinkin all these things happen not only would she be happier but people especially me would be happier to visit her more often!
 

Taffy

Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
1,314
Things only got worse.

Thank you all,

As ever thank you all for the support. I received a phone call this morning at 3.30am a ambulance had being called as mum was found on the floor she had hit her head had a large bump and the carer thought her back may have been injured.

I got to the home as they were restraining her on the stretcher. Mum was agitated and completely confused. On assessment mum was very dehydrated and had to be sedated. A catheter was inserted and 3 litres of urine came away it no time. They think this played a big part in her behaviour....she would of being very uncomfortable.

The CAT scan showed a brain bleed it was not caused by the fall it is in the part of the brain that controls vision this they say happen 2-3 days ago. Blood tests showed her kidney function is showing signs of stress, they are not overly concerned about this.

The head trauma surgeon consulted with me and it was agreed no operation. The speech pathologist assessed mum and she was happy for mum to have fluids and puree food. Mum dry reaches after swallowing anything. She pulled her drip out...blood everywhere.

At present the plan is to investigate if there is a bladder problem, more than likely it is just the signal from the brain to empty the bladder that is not functioning anymore. Mum will be reassessed by a geriatrician to see if changes need to be made regarding her care status. Possibly she'll now need high care nursing home.

It's anyone's call what may or may not happen....the bleed may extend but may not it's a wait and see situation. Thank you again and I will post a progress report.

Best Wishes to you all

Love Taffy.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Taffy, how distressing for you! At least now you have a reason for your mum's sudden deterioration -- though not an explanation you would have wanted.

It does sound as if your mum is in a serious condition, and we can only hope that with proper care there will be no further damage. At least the doctors sound to be on the ball.

Let us know how it goes, I'll be thinking of you.

Love,
 

SusanB

Registered User
Jan 15, 2008
155
Hove
Taffy,

That sounds horrendous, I do hope that you are OK. I'm afraid that I don't have any advice to give but just wanted to say that I am thinking of you.
S
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,762
Kent
Dear Taffy,
I hope your mother isn`t suffering too much and that you get the strength from somewhere to see this awful situation through.
Poor mother.....poor you. It doesn`t get much worse.
Love xx
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Taffy,
What can I say except that my heart goes out to you?? I'm so very sorry your poor dear Mum is going through all this, and that you are having to cope.

All my good wishes are winging towards you and you are always in my thoughts.
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Dear Taffy, I'm very sorry to read the worrying update about your mum. I do hope that she is comfortable and that you are managing not to worry too much. There isn't much you can do except wait and see what happens. I do feel for you both and send every good wish.
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
Buckinghamshire
Deat Taffy,
I am so very sorry to read that your Mum is going through a terrible experience. Do hope that they are able to sort everything out for your Mum.
My prayers and thought are with you all at this time.
Very best wishes
Christine
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,095
Bolton
Thinking of you and hoping that things have been a little better for you and your mum today. xx TinaT
 

Taffy

Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
1,314
Up - date on mum.

The poor nurses have had a terrible time with mum. She wont leave her drip in she has pulled her catheter out and her ID tag off. Yesterday she was restrained in a chair and wore her self out trying to free herself. I asked them to trial removing the tray and see if this calmed her down. They agreed and mum was relieved but very exhausted she just slept.

Today, mum was very calm (no sedation) very stiff and sore they gave up on the drip and catheter the nurses have to give mum her food or fluids as she is aspirating. Mum has no appetite but is thirsty the drip may have to go back up depending on the aspiration they are going to try her tomorrow with food again. When she had two spoons of soup it came out of her nose and she coughed like she was choking on something. They then tried ice cream which got caught and mum managed to cough it up.

Mum is really worn out but insists on getting up to go to the loo which is good because at least she is moving about a little. Mum walks with the aid of a walker and nurse.... she can hardly lift her feet today, all that struggling yesterday has really taken it's toll.

Tomorrow is another day and heaven knows what it holds. Tonight she told me that she wasn't feeling so well and she thought she may stay the night and come home tomorrow.

Thank you all for your kind support

Love Taffy.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,762
Kent
. Tonight she told me that she wasn't feeling so well and she thought she may stay the night and come home tomorrow.
.
This must be so hard for youto bear Taffy. Your mother sounds so poorly. I can only hope something will happen to make it easier for both of you.

Love xx
 

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