Very confused and frustrated!

Onmyown

Registered User
May 30, 2017
385
0
OK so finally mum saw geriatrician today. Here now trying to get info out of her so as far as I can tell she was on her own with doc brother did not go in. She sasa he asked her alot of questions but won't tell me what he asked? Said she had a blood test and she does not have alshiemers??? Nobody ever said she did? She was in hospital for an hour and a half so how come bloods were back so quick?? Is she lying or is this possible? I do know they can test blood for als but she has vascular dementia? I don't think they can test for this with bloods? Did very well in cognitive tests so usual rubbish i know nothing more now? When do the geriatricians discuss behaviour? Or is it just mci until her scores decline? Very fed up with this 9yrs?????
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Far as I know, blood tests, at the moment, won't diagnose Alzheimer's disease. They can, however, show if there are any other possible reasons for the symptoms, so blood tests are used as part of diagnosis in that they can tell what isn't wrong. Diagnosing dementia is often down to symptoms+history+ruling out other things.

PS. I'm sure it's just that your mum can't remember what she was asked.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
I wouldn't trust your mother's account of things. It's not that she's lying on purpose, but she gets confused and can't remember so might make things up to appear more competent than she is now. It's a shame you couldn't go in with her.
 
Last edited:

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
I agree with Beate and LadyA, the most likely explanation is that your mum can't remember what happened during her appointment.

I think that usually the consultant writes with his conclusions to the patient's GP, and this is often copied to the patient. So look out for a letter to hopefully get an accurate account. Or, if your mum will agree, see the GP to discuss the letter.

All the best

Lindy x
 

Gingercatlady

Registered User
Aug 7, 2017
39
0
I think it's a good idea to make an appointment with GP and go along with your mum to discuss the results of the appointment at hospital. I think you've said earlier that you go with mum to appointments, and your brother decided to take her to this hospital appointment, he doesn't need to know about the doctor's appointment until it's done.

Looks to me like this is the way to get answers because as everyone says your mum won't be remembering what happened she probably just said what she thought at the time, based on past appointments.

I hope you get your answers, I feel for you.
 

Onmyown

Registered User
May 30, 2017
385
0
I think it's a good idea to make an appointment with GP and go along with your mum to discuss the results of the appointment at hospital. I think you've said earlier that you go with mum to appointments, and your brother decided to take her to this hospital appointment, he doesn't need to know about the doctor's appointment until it's done.
I think I may as well resign myself to the fact that they just go by th
Looks to me like this is the way to get answers because as everyone says your mum won't be remembering what happened she probably just said what she thought at the time, based on past appointments.

I hope you get your answers, I feel for you.
I think I may as well resign myself to the fact that until these scores drop I'm never going to get answers. Mum is a very clever manipulator, she's quite intelligent and is fooling everyone. Her cognitive tests don't have anything to do with her behaviour and I'm so sick of this. The last geriatrician said any behaviour problems need to be referred to psychiatry? So now what? Insist she see a shrink? Or maybe just pack up and leave? My siblings want a diagnosis of dementia and now if the geriatrician says no dementia or he can't see signs of it what support am I getting? My siblings will just love now to attack me and again it's all my word? Really fed up and feel like walking away from it all. It's a disgrace the way I'm being treated here even by social worker. So why stay here? Let my brother deal with her madness?
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
I think I may as well resign myself to the fact that until these scores drop I'm never going to get answers. Mum is a very clever manipulator, she's quite intelligent and is fooling everyone. Her cognitive tests don't have anything to do with her behaviour and I'm so sick of this. The last geriatrician said any behaviour problems need to be referred to psychiatry? So now what? Insist she see a shrink? Or maybe just pack up and leave? My siblings want a diagnosis of dementia and now if the geriatrician says no dementia or he can't see signs of it what support am I getting? My siblings will just love now to attack me and again it's all my word? Really fed up and feel like walking away from it all. It's a disgrace the way I'm being treated here even by social worker. So why stay here? Let my brother deal with her madness?
Hello @Onmyown
Are you in a position to walk away? Firstly, do you have another home or do you live with your mum? And if you left, could your mum manage without you?? What alternative arrangements would need to be in place?
I can really hear your frustration and upset, and it doesn't sound as though you can carry on like this. Perhaps if you could consider the options and the pros and cons, it might help you decide what to do for the best.
Good luck.
Lindy xx
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
I think it's a good idea to make an appointment with GP and go along with your mum to discuss the results of the appointment at hospital. I think you've said earlier that you go with mum to appointments, and your brother decided to take her to this hospital appointment, he doesn't need to know about the doctor's appointment until it's done.

Looks to me like this is the way to get answers because as everyone says your mum won't be remembering what happened she probably just said what she thought at the time, based on past appointments.

I hope you get your answers, I feel for you.
On a forum like this advice can only be given based on what you have said and to be honest it is far from clear what you want as an eventual outcome. You say that if your mother was diagnosed with dementia you would get additional help. If she was diagnosed with dementia you believe your siblings would like her to go into a care home rather than be looked after by you. So in that sense you all want the same thing ie to have her diagnosed as having dementia.

It is very hard caring for someone with a mental health problem and if you feel you cannot continue then to find a place of your own and a job would allow your mother's house to be sold and she could go into care. That would satisfy all concerns except possibly your mother. Perhaps she wants to stay in her own home but not to be cared for by you.

So far you have suggested your siblings don't like you, the GP, social worker and geriatrician are all opposing you. You and your mother are at loggerheads. Given all of this then something has to change if you want a different outcome and I would suggest the change may well have to come from you. This is not a criticism but a statement of facts as you have presented them.
 

Onmyown

Registered User
May 30, 2017
385
0
On a forum like this advice can only be given based on what you have said and to be honest it is far from clear what you want as an eventual outcome. You say that if your mother was diagnosed with dementia you would get additional help. If she was diagnosed with dementia you believe your siblings would like her to go into a care home rather than be looked after by you. So in that sense you all want the same thing ie to have her diagnosed as having dementia.

It is very hard caring for someone with a mental health problem and if you feel you cannot continue then to find a place of your own and a job would allow your mother's house to be sold and she could go into care. That would satisfy all concerns except possibly your mother. Perhaps she wants to stay in her own home but not to be cared for by you.

So far you have suggested your siblings don't like you, the GP, social worker and geriatrician are all opposing you. You and your mother are at loggerheads. Given all of this then something has to change if you want a different outcome and I would suggest the change may well have to come from you. This is not a criticism but a statement of facts as you have presented them.
Seems like none of my posts seem clear to you?? So maybe don't reply to them if you cant be supportive and give sound advice?
 

Onmyown

Registered User
May 30, 2017
385
0
Hello @Onmyown
Are you in a position to walk away? Firstly, do you have another home or do you live with your mum? And if you left, could your mum manage without you?? What alternative arrangements would need to be in place?
I can really hear your frustration and upset, and it doesn't sound as though you can carry on like this. Perhaps if you could consider the options and the pros and cons, it might help you decide what to do for the best.
Good luck.
Lindy xx
Yes I have a friend three doors down from mum? I've left before only to have mum shuffle down to me to see how I was getting on? Then leaving money in the door for me talk about a cry for help? I was gone a week and I popped into the house to get something and just cried at the way she was living talk about a health and safety issue? I couldn't see her live like this so I moved back in. While I was gone my brother was already sussing out nursing homes??
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
I believe @marionq was being supportive, @Onmyown . She was just giving an outline of the situation you have described in various other threads, for clarity, because not everyone would be familiar with all your threads. Threads gradually move down the page, and can get missed. The members of this forum are not professionals. Most of them are in the same position as you. Doing their very best in very difficult circumstances, to take care of a loved one with dementia.

And with resources stretched so very thinly here, and official support can amount to a sympathetic "Do your best.", getting a diagnosis of dementia for your mum may not actually change the situation much at all. Although, personally, I did find that the very fact of knowing that I hadn't been wrong, and it wasn't my imagination, did help, enormously!
 

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