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Very concerned about Mum

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by Haych, Jan 2, 2016.

  1. Haych

    Haych Registered User

    Jan 2, 2016
    Hello there. I have just joined and I thank you all in advance for listening to me. This may be a long post but I would really appreciate your advice.

    I've been caring for my Mum since 2012, as she had Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. She is in the clear now but the resulting treatment has left her very frail. She also has Osteoporosis. Since about August 2015 I've noticed problems with Mum's memory. She started asking 'what day is it?' Repeatedly. I have been to our GP with her. He ordered a comprehensive range of blood tests and all came back normal apart from a vitamin D deficiency, which we knew about because of her Osteoporosis. She's now on a strong dose of vitamin D, however he has referred her for a memory clinic appointment, which could take up to four months to materialise. Since 27 December, she's has a chest infection which came to a head when she was saying I was an imposter and I wasn't her daughter. That prompted me immediately to go to my GP and he diagnosed a chest infection. I've been reading up about chest infections in the elderly and know that hallucinations and delirium is an unpleasant side effect of the infection. She's been on Amoxicllin 500 mg since Tuesday and she's on a 21 tablet course which is due to finish on Tuesday next week (5th Jan). She keeps having bouts of confusion and delirium, and I've found it very hard to cope with. I was so concerned that I phoned the Adult social care team at my local county council. We now have assessments lined up for us both - and the memory clinic called asking if they needed to call out, however, as a chest infection has been diagnosed they said that I'd have to wait for an appointment. The thing is, I work full-time - I've churned the figures over and over in my head and there is no way on this Earth that I can possibly give up work. My Mum has lived with me since her cancer diagnosis and subsequent recovery. Loking after someone who is a bit frail and who forgets to take the odd tablet is one thing, but looking after someone who doesn't know you from one day to another has been very frightening and upsetting for me. I haven't had a good night's sleep since this all came about on 27 December. I phoned the helpline today and the lady I spoke to said that I should phone the GP first thing on Monday for follow up treatment and to phone the Adult social care team in Monday too and insist on getting our assessments as a priority. I'm so concerned I may lose my job - I'm dreading going back to work next week as i've got no-one avaliable to look in on her whilst I'm at work. I texted my boss yesterday and she said I can call her tomorrow - she's always been very understanding of my situation and I'm hoping she will again. I used to suffer with depression years ago, but I can feel all the old feeling I used to have coming back. I'm so frightened about the future right now I feel sick to my stomach. I can't deal with this anymore. I have two Sisters - one tries to help and do her very best when she can, the other eldest sister is in complete denial about what's going on and just shouts at my Mum which is completely unacceptable. I can't give up work and I'm worried about the future. Will I be doing the right thing about phoning up the Adult social care team and my GP on Monday? I can't take much more of this and i cannot give up work. Any advice would be very much appreciated - and big apologies for the long, rambling post. Thank you in advance everyone.
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    Of course you'll be doing the right thing by phoning up GP and Social services. You need help and these are the very people who should give that to you.

    No one says you have to give up work to care for your Mum. SS can put together a care package that can consist of carers coming in or befrienders or a place at the Day Care Centre, plus respite for you. You need to tell them all you have told us and together you should explore what help is available and would be best for you.

    Also, a chest infection can cause terrible confusion, so once she is over it, she might be back to her normal self. Make sure the GP checks the infection has all gone - sometimes it takes another course of antibiotics.

    I know you are terribly worried right now but try to have a good night's rest so you have a clear head tomorrow.
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Hello Haych
    welcome to TP!
    this is a really good place to come and air whatever is on your mind - lots of litening ears, so ramble away

    sorry to hear of your poor mum's situation - you have been doing such a good job supporting her - I'm glad you've reached out for help from the Adult care team and totally agree that it's a good idea to get back on to them and to her GP as soon as you can - let them know that you cannot be there in the day as you must work, and that you are extremely worried that your mum will be at risk, let them know exactly how things are
    maybe your boss will be able to give you some time to make arrangements, knowing that you are doing your best to get back to work but you need to know your mum is safe

    of course you can't give up your job - and I'm sure she wouldn't really want you to - but you do need much more support - maybe even a respite stay for her just to get you both back on an even keel - you are spot on that caring for someone who is recovering is one thing, dealing with a person with dementia is another - so I hope the clinic will rearrange the appointment asap

    let us know how you get on
  4. Haych

    Haych Registered User

    Jan 2, 2016
    Thank you so much Beate for you kind words and comforting support. I telephoned my boss at home this morning and she's been brilliant. She's given me the week off to sort things out. I'm going to the GP tomorrow to see if they can do a home visit as she is still sounding wheezy. But I'm also going down to tell them about how all this has affected me too. I'll also be phoning social services too to see if they can put some sort of emergency care package in place so that I can get back to work next week. I'll keep you posted. Thank you again for your advice, I appreciate it very much indeed.

  5. Haych

    Haych Registered User

    Jan 2, 2016
    Thank you so much Shedrech for you lovely welcome and for your advice and support. I telephoned my boss at home this morning and she's been brilliant. she's given me the week off to sort things out. I'm going to see if my GP can speak to the memory clinic too see if they can get us an appointment any sooner. I'm also going to ask for a home visit as she is still sounding wheezy, but I'm also going to tell them about the effect that this has had on me too. I'm also going to phone the Adult Social care team to see if they can put an emergency care package in place to enable me to look at the situation for the future. I will definitely keep you posted - and thank you so much again for your kind words and wonderful advice.

  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Nothing to add to the advice - it is exactly the way to go :) Just wanted to say welcome to TP, keep posting and take care of yourself too xxxx One day at a time - it is amazing the amount of support out there when we reach out.

    When you have time it might be worthwhile getting in touch with your local carers organisation - they usually have carers cafes which are a great source of local information and a good place to connect to others in the same situation.x
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Welcome. My mum is going through her 5th or 6th chest infection and is a total space cadet. She could improve when the infection is gone but it sounds like the amixycillin is not working. Again, not uncommon either. Hang in there and get help lined up.

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