Very bad news

[jenniferpa]

I've just had a call from a nurse at Mummy's home - when she was talking to a carer this evening she had some kind of "fit" which left her unconcious. She's been taken to hospital and I'm waiting to hear at the moment.

Is it really awful of me to hope that this is it?

Jennifer

 

[Maggie]

I am sorry to hear you’re new.

How bad meaning what stage is your mum before the fit ?

Just like to add don’t know if its awful or not to feel like that , but it does make you feel like that to tell you the truth !

 

[jenniferpa]

Mummy has, as close as I can judge, vascular dementia, following several strokes. I'm assuming this is another one. In a way, I suppose she's not too bad, but she is 89, in a great deal of pain from arthritis, and sufficiently compos mentis to know that she has misplaced her marbles. It makes her very sad. I just hope that if this was another stroke, and I think it must be, that if she recovers she won't be much worse. The only good thing is that this happened when she was actually with someone, so treatment won't have been delayed. Still waiting to hear, and looking for flights online.

Jennifer

P.S. Thanks for understanding, Maggie

 

[Kayla]

Dear Jennifer,
I'm sorry to hear of your mother's illness and your worries. My Mum also has vascular dementia and rheumatoid arthritis. It must be very difficult for you, living so far away and I hope you are able to arrange travel to the UK easily. I will be thinking of you and your mother. It was fortunate that she was not alone and she could receive treatment straight away. I hope everything works out for the best.
Kayla

 

[bel]

DEAR JENIFER
So sorry to hear your news like you are thinking i have felt my self and it is nothing to feel bad about although at the time i did
i was torn betwen not wanting to see them suffer any more and loosing them but i also think what is to be will be
thinking of you and wishing i could be there to give you a hugg
Love Bel x

 

[tedsmum]

Almost all of us know exactly what you mean some days my dad is relatively ok and other times like tonight we have just come back from the NH and wonder how much longer he can carry on like this he is 86 and just so confused and unhappy, and seems to be getting frailer by the day. It would be a blessing for him but so sad for everyone at the same time.There is no easy answer I'm afraid but in some small way it helps to know you're not the only one living this nightmare.
Take care

Christine

 

[jenniferpa]

Right, well I've heard from the carer. Mummy has recovered conciousness, and is speaking, although not making very much sense. Very distressed and they've had to dsedate her. No apparent paralysis. She's having a scan tomorrow to confirm what is a virtual certainty - that she had another stroke. I've managed to get a flight tomorrow (at a price, and via Philadelphia and Dublin) so I'll be out of touch for a while. It doesn't sound as if it has been quite so damaging as the others, possibly because she was in hospital within 1/2 hour. However, it obviously IS damaging, so only time will tell. Anyone know anything about George Eliot Hospital in Nuneaton? - Bel, I think that must be quite near you (you're in Coventry, correct?)

I don't know - hope for the best, expect the worst, I suppose.

Thanks everyone - you're about the only people I could say that to.

Jennifer

 

[Amy]

Hiya Jennifer,
Safe journey. Understand your feelings entirely. Thinking of you.
Love Helen.

 

[May]

Hi Jennifer
Sorry to hear the news, but know what you mean and no it's not awful, just truthful. Take care and hope you have a swift and safe journey, will be thinking of you.

 

[rummy]

God speed and I hope all goes well for you. Don't blame you a bit for your feelings. Why would we wish someone we love to hang on when they are in pain or there is no hope for a meaningful recovery. Keep us posted.
Debbie

 

[Rosalind]

It is not bad to hope this is it at all. Your mother is not enjoying a good quality of life, and after another stroke it is likely to get worse. I think you need to tell the medical staff how you feel, as they are now so terrified of being sued they will often to go to any lengths to keep them strugging on. A friend's mother who went from a very unhappy type of dementia (constantly terribly worried about things, and often crying) into an almost vegetative state, but still was treated for pneumonia twice, so she lived to be 97, with her final ten years a combination of misery and unconsciousness. What is the point of that?

 

[Maggie]

I know that jenniferpa may not read this till she get back ,but when I was flying back wards and forward when my unite was very ill .its the time in the airplane that my mind could go blank for a while as up there in the sky in no man land no real time ,as we leave Gibraltar its 8am England time 7am so we get another 8am angina in time as we change our watches on the airplane ,but that 8am that we get a second time is time less as its spent on airplane , same we can’t get that on earth only in air space time .

Then my imagination runs wide I add all my hour in air space time what could I do with them? And I think this I shall do this nothing enjoy my sounding ,because at this moment in the airplane I am like the song says free like a bird in the sky till the moment I land and reality hit me.

 

[jenniferpa]

Well, knock me over with a feather - they don't think it was another stroke! Even the hospital staff are calling it a fit, which personally, I don't think is terribly technical, and doesn't describe the reason, but that's as far as they've got. She's muddled, but has no other evidence of a stroke (e.g. weakness etc). They're actually talking about her going home - it depends on whether they want to do a scan as an inpatient rather than an outpatient. It looks as if I've panicked (what a surprise), and am flying half way around the world for no good reason (well, good reason to see her, but you know what I mean). Oh well, I want to get her to a memory clinic, so maybe I can set that up while I'm here. Also, we've run out of Cadbury's chocolate, so I need to restock with that!

You have all been so kind, so thank you

Jennifer

 

[DaisyG]

Thinking of You

Dear Jennifer (if you are still with us , and not on a plane...),


My husband was approx 7 months Post Stroke (his first stroke)... when he had his FIRST of many seizures.


He was eventually diagnised with post stroke epilepsy.


The hospital he was at just were very 'matter-of-fact' about it... didin't really discuss much with us .... we kind of had to get on with things ourselves.


The docs (in our hospital) don't really like to 'label' you with epilepsy, until you have had another fit/seizure.


Your mum may have had a seizure / or different kind of fit ??

Whoever was with her will have given a description of what happened to the DOCS... and they will be able to tell what kind of fit it may be.



Has she had a change in her medication?

Could she have been a little dehydrated?
(a blood test they would have done at the hospital would show this).


I hope you manage to get some answers at the hospital.


Take Care

DaisyG

 

[jenniferpa]

Yes, I'm still here - my plane doesn't leave for several hours. I think you may well be right - I've been doing some research into this and it seems a fairly common complication. I suspect that she may have had other "fits" but if no one see them she's not going to remember. Can I ask you - did they medicate your husband for this? Anti-epleptic drugs are quite heavy duty - I went through this with my son (not epilepsy, chronic pain syndrome which anti-epileptics can help). I suspect, if we ever get a reason it will be a hypo-something (e.g. low sodium, low blood sugar, low calcium). One of her meds is a diuretic, so that can increase these problems.

Jennifer

 

[DaisyG]

Hello again

Hi,


I too only found out how common seizures were after the strokes.
It's a shame the docs didn't 'pre warn' us ... but they say they don't want to alarm everyone.


When my husband has the first seizure he HAD been taking 'water tablets' ...
It has been a really hot and sweaty night ... and he was really unsettled. ...
Had the seizure early AM .....
He was REALLY dehydrated ... and needed fluids in A & E.
(He also dislocated his 'good non-stroke' shoulder from the violent shaking/convulsions).


He was already taking GABAPENTIN medication for his stroke hypersensitivity,
and as GABAPENTIN is also a seizure drug .... they initially increased this.


As he went on to have several other seizures they have changed his medication several times.


It will be up to your Consultant to work out what meds they think are the best for your mum.
(there is a slight possibility maybe that it may not be epilepsy)


The seizure drugs will make her very 'sleepy/woolly' till she is used to them ... this is normal.

Good luck


DaisyG

 

[jenniferpa]

Thanks Daisy, I appreciate it.

Jennifer

 

[mojofilter]

have a safe flight Jennifer,

Paul

 

[mel]

hi jennifer
have a safe trip
love
Wendy

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Safe journey & as good a visit as you can manage.

As for your original post, I don't think it's awful. I'm much in the same position emotionally as you. My mother (69) doesn't know who I am any more, is at the level of a 2 year old.

She's not my mother, she's not the woman who raised me, she's this poor, pitiful, angry, cranky person. My husband keeps saying "She'll live another 20 years" as he thinks this will cheer me up. No way.

It's been 5 1/2 years since diagnosis & probably another 2 to 3 years to go. We have already put in a "Do Not Resuscitate" order.

We muddle through the best we can.