Canadian Joanne said:
I really understand this. At least my Mother's 89, which means 10 years at most. Not that I can deal with the idea of 10 more years, and worse, I know she'd hate what she has become.
Jennifer
Very bad news
- Thread starter jenniferpa
- Start date
I really understand this. At least my Mother's 89, which means 10 years at most. Not that I can deal with the idea of 10 more years, and worse, I know she'd hate what she has become.
Jennifer
I agree My Mother would not want to see herself in the state she is in and if she lives another 10 years I will have emigrated
The last year has been hell enough
At 89 we are time expired and we should all have the right to choose what happens long before we are 75 as to what we want in the event of AD or any terminal illness striking
Some will not like me saying this but I consider I gave my dogs total dignity in being able to be spared the agony of terminal cancer ..........they had enjoyed a good life and did not deserve to suffer in any way
The last year has been hell enough
At 89 we are time expired and we should all have the right to choose what happens long before we are 75 as to what we want in the event of AD or any terminal illness striking
Some will not like me saying this but I consider I gave my dogs total dignity in being able to be spared the agony of terminal cancer ..........they had enjoyed a good life and did not deserve to suffer in any way
Re Very Bad News
Dear Jenifer
Yes GEORGE ELLOIOTT hospital is only a few miles from me in Nuneaton a lovely place as we found whem my son was in years ago very caring
sending love and God bless ---it is worth the trip to get more stockes of Cadburys
Love Bel x
Dear Jenifer
Yes GEORGE ELLOIOTT hospital is only a few miles from me in Nuneaton a lovely place as we found whem my son was in years ago very caring
sending love and God bless ---it is worth the trip to get more stockes of Cadburys
Love Bel x
Well, here I am checking in. Mummy's still is hospital, since they want to do a MDT evaluation (I think - they say they do, 2 hours later they say they don't, then they say they do). She hasn't had another stroke - it was a seizure. She has to have another cat scan, because since having the first, she's fallen and knocked her head. Also, they now consider her at risk for falls (well, isn't everyone at 89), and need to evaluate that. I pointed out that the fall occurred when she was there, so what makes the hospital so much safer, and that went down like lead balloon. They've also managed to lose her dentures!
I got here O.K. - my luggage was another matter however, and they still haven't found it.
She doesn't seem much more confused than before - the one issue seems to be is that she's completely forgotten that she's in her 80's - she seems to think she's in her 60's and can't understand why she's in a ward with a whole load of old ladies. God help us. I point out the truth, but 10 minutes later she's forgotten. Which raises another question - how honest she I be with her about her mental deterioration? She thinks she's quite O.K., and even if I tell her, it will not only upset her, the chances are she won't remember. On the other hand, the whole self-satisfaction thing is really getting to me - childish I know, so I continue to bite my tongue.
Jennifer
I got here O.K. - my luggage was another matter however, and they still haven't found it.
She doesn't seem much more confused than before - the one issue seems to be is that she's completely forgotten that she's in her 80's - she seems to think she's in her 60's and can't understand why she's in a ward with a whole load of old ladies. God help us. I point out the truth, but 10 minutes later she's forgotten. Which raises another question - how honest she I be with her about her mental deterioration? She thinks she's quite O.K., and even if I tell her, it will not only upset her, the chances are she won't remember. On the other hand, the whole self-satisfaction thing is really getting to me - childish I know, so I continue to bite my tongue.
Jennifer
Tell me about it
When out with my sister my Mother tells everyone shwe is 100 and isnt she doing well
With me she swears she is not nearly 90 and she is not old and has done everything perfectly all her life ..........strange thats not what the bank had to say about her cheque writing etc
When out with my sister my Mother tells everyone shwe is 100 and isnt she doing well
With me she swears she is not nearly 90 and she is not old and has done everything perfectly all her life ..........strange thats not what the bank had to say about her cheque writing etc
Jenniferpa,
Have they mentioned it might have been a TIA (Transient ischemic attack)? I know that is very common for folks that have had and will have strokes. My MIL had a massive stroke after many little TIA's. We were told that those little strokes don't neccesarily show up in a scan and can lead up to a massive stroke. A friend's mother just had a massive stroke after weekly little TIA's....she would just pass out and then wake up like nothing had happened. Might be something to ask about, I hope all goes well.
take care,
Debbie
Have they mentioned it might have been a TIA (Transient ischemic attack)? I know that is very common for folks that have had and will have strokes. My MIL had a massive stroke after many little TIA's. We were told that those little strokes don't neccesarily show up in a scan and can lead up to a massive stroke. A friend's mother just had a massive stroke after weekly little TIA's....she would just pass out and then wake up like nothing had happened. Might be something to ask about, I hope all goes well.
take care,
Debbie
Well, I'm back again.
After all that, they decided that they didn't want to do a MDT evaluation after her carers said they'd be willing to take her back - personally I think they wanted the bed. Anyway, she came home (without her dentures) and with an enormous lump on the back of the head, and really bad depression. Tears all the time. Doctor put her on an anti epilepsy drug (after I pointed out she almost died from this seizure), plus an anti-depressant. The AD is working, but it will take some time to get the right dosage.
The primary result of this whole thing is that she's gone from the total oblivion of before about her condition, to an awareness of her lack of abilities, without, however, an understanding of why she is as she is (i.e. she's 89 and has had 3 strokes). Understandably this causes her to panic.
In a way, I'm glad she became depressed while I was there, otherwise I'd feel really guilty (well more guilty than I do already). As it stands, though, the terrible fear she's experiencing is not alleviated even when there is someone there. In fact, even when I was there (in the other room of her 1 bed flat) she twice tried phoning me in the US, because she forgot I was there.
Incidentally, while I was there, the doctor did another one of those mini mental state tests. It's very odd, but they don't show the problems that she has. Counting forwards, counting backward, spelling backward, even the remembering 3 things (she remembered 2) were fine. Yet, she can't remember where the bathroom is, or who takes care of her, or how to turn the TV on, or even, sometimes, that I'm her daughter. I'm sure this means there is a specific area of her brain that's damaged, compounded by her life long propensity to avoid thinking about things that are unpleasant.
All in all, she's like a lost depressed child, who doesn't understand what's happened to her. She says she wishes she was dead, and honestly, I can't help feeling that in some ways it was a pity that she had the seizure when there was someone there - from what I've been told, she would probably not have survived it. On the other hand, maybe she would, but with even more serious brain damage, so who knows.
I feel I need to at least try to make the attempt to work out the next stage of her care - she isn't far enough gone to make a dementia facility appropriate, yet much more of this and a care home won't be appropriate either. Financially, it's going to be a strain as well - we're currently paying almost $2000 a month for her to be in her own flat (but attached to a care home) - about 40% of which is coming from savings. I'm just not pleased with the available options though - too much or too little.
Jennifer
After all that, they decided that they didn't want to do a MDT evaluation after her carers said they'd be willing to take her back - personally I think they wanted the bed. Anyway, she came home (without her dentures) and with an enormous lump on the back of the head, and really bad depression. Tears all the time. Doctor put her on an anti epilepsy drug (after I pointed out she almost died from this seizure), plus an anti-depressant. The AD is working, but it will take some time to get the right dosage.
The primary result of this whole thing is that she's gone from the total oblivion of before about her condition, to an awareness of her lack of abilities, without, however, an understanding of why she is as she is (i.e. she's 89 and has had 3 strokes). Understandably this causes her to panic.
In a way, I'm glad she became depressed while I was there, otherwise I'd feel really guilty (well more guilty than I do already). As it stands, though, the terrible fear she's experiencing is not alleviated even when there is someone there. In fact, even when I was there (in the other room of her 1 bed flat) she twice tried phoning me in the US, because she forgot I was there.
Incidentally, while I was there, the doctor did another one of those mini mental state tests. It's very odd, but they don't show the problems that she has. Counting forwards, counting backward, spelling backward, even the remembering 3 things (she remembered 2) were fine. Yet, she can't remember where the bathroom is, or who takes care of her, or how to turn the TV on, or even, sometimes, that I'm her daughter. I'm sure this means there is a specific area of her brain that's damaged, compounded by her life long propensity to avoid thinking about things that are unpleasant.
All in all, she's like a lost depressed child, who doesn't understand what's happened to her. She says she wishes she was dead, and honestly, I can't help feeling that in some ways it was a pity that she had the seizure when there was someone there - from what I've been told, she would probably not have survived it. On the other hand, maybe she would, but with even more serious brain damage, so who knows.
I feel I need to at least try to make the attempt to work out the next stage of her care - she isn't far enough gone to make a dementia facility appropriate, yet much more of this and a care home won't be appropriate either. Financially, it's going to be a strain as well - we're currently paying almost $2000 a month for her to be in her own flat (but attached to a care home) - about 40% of which is coming from savings. I'm just not pleased with the available options though - too much or too little.
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer,
Having just put my Mom in a NH, I understand the frustration! It is very hard to find the right place at the right time. We are fortunate that my Mom fell within the medicaid guidelines for them to pay for it. Of course, when my Dad dies, they will get the estate but thats ok with me!
The MMSE is only a tool, I know Mom's doctor got more from the information we supplied him than from that test. She got pretty good at faking her condition for awhile!
It was difficult but we signeed a DNR when Mom went to the NH. I know with all certainty that she would not want to live this way. She also made a living will a long time ago so we know her wishes on the subject. Really makes it easier for family to make those decisions!
My heart goes out to you and I know this is a really tough time for you. Hang in there and try to get some rest.
hugs, Debbie
Having just put my Mom in a NH, I understand the frustration! It is very hard to find the right place at the right time. We are fortunate that my Mom fell within the medicaid guidelines for them to pay for it. Of course, when my Dad dies, they will get the estate but thats ok with me!
The MMSE is only a tool, I know Mom's doctor got more from the information we supplied him than from that test. She got pretty good at faking her condition for awhile!
It was difficult but we signeed a DNR when Mom went to the NH. I know with all certainty that she would not want to live this way. She also made a living will a long time ago so we know her wishes on the subject. Really makes it easier for family to make those decisions!
My heart goes out to you and I know this is a really tough time for you. Hang in there and try to get some rest.
hugs, Debbie
