Very bad news

Susan S

Registered User
Feb 16, 2008
newcastle upon Tyne
The consultant visited Mam on Friday and rang me after her visit.

The consultant said my Mam's deterioration was so dramatic that she thought the carers had shown her to the wrong person.

She is now in the advanced state of dementia and is looking very frail.

She asked me and Barbara to consider drawing up an "end of life" agreement and after talking about it we agreed it would be a sensible thing to do.

I visited her today and she seemed a little better, but she seemed unable to hold her head upright and when she stood up her head and shoulders were almost bent to 90 degrees to the rest of her body. She looks very tired and weak.
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Registered User
Feb 26, 2006

So sorry to hear of your Mam's deterioration. I have noticed that in the final stages Mary shows signs of a certain weariness with life some days and on others she is quite lively.


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Susan,
This is a nightmare for you and Barbara. It is the worst news you caould have and I`m very sorry.
Take care xx


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Susan, so sorry to read your news.

It is heartbreaking to receive the "end of life" careplan news.

I would only say, if you can manage to accept that this is inevitable, please go easy on yourselves and try just to have this final time with mum as comfortably and calmly as you can.

Often, as I know, we have longer than we think, but whatever our length of time, try to spend it wisely in not agonising about what you cannot change.

I wish you and Barbara time, peace and happiness with mum at this stage.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Susan, so sorry that you have had this news. It's something they comes to us all, but that doesn't make it any less devastating.

Connie's advice is good. This end stage can be long or short, and there will be good days as well as bad. Make the most of the good days, build a mental library of happy memories which will stay with you for ever.

We are in the privileged position of making the end of life as peaceful and comfortable as possible for the ones we love.

Take care of yourselves, and try not to get too tired.


fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
Dear Susan

Terribly sorry to read this news. My heart goes out to you. At least as Hazel said we can make things as comfortable and peaceful as possible for those close to us.

Thinking of you.


Registered User
Jan 15, 2008
Hi Susan

I hope that you and Barbara are OK - what a horrible time for you all. Your Mum's deterioration has been staggering in its speed and you have my total empathy and sympathy, of course.

My own Mum is declining but very sloooooooowly to the extent that it's sometimes hard to track it.

I think this Forum is splendid and I hope you will gain comfort from logging on here as often as possible in the next few weeks.

(Another!) Susan


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Dear Susan,

Very bad news indeed, heartbreaking for you and Barbara.

I am sorry that your faced with this heartache.

Caring Thoughts,

Love Taffy.