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Very anxious about visiting mum today

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Cheekycow, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. Cheekycow

    Cheekycow Registered User

    Feb 8, 2016
    15
    Hi, I haven't visited my mum for a while but am going today. I was told not to bother to visit (by my sibling that lives with her) the last time I was going and haven't been since.

    I'm so anxious/scared. How is mum going to react? What mood am I going to find my sibling in? Am I going to have to deal with verbal abuse again from my sibling? I want to visit and spend time with my mum but I get myself in such a state 'coz my sibling can be so nasty.

    Well, let's see how it goes.
     
  2. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,953
    Female
    London
    Tell your sibling you want to spend time alone just you and Mum...and then chat with sibling after, if she is difficult at least you have visited Mum, ignore the rest!
     
  3. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    801
    North East
    I have no idea of the circumstances you find yourself in. One thing that comes across here is that "invisibles" pop into the home environment and mix things up that disturbs the person with dementia as they haven't spent much time with the pwd they don't know how to phrase things and not say certain things etc. Nothing necessarily done on purpose, just circumstances. I'm not labelling you as an invisible by the way, just a suggestion.
    Another is if you and your sibling are usually at loggerheads this will no doubt bring about an awful atmosphere, best try and smooth the waters beforehand.
    Yet another is, your sibling is probably under an awful lot of stress, it is really hard and I mean really hard living with a pwd. Please take this into consideration and give allowances for her behaviour within reason.
    I really do hope that your visit is a positive thing for all of you and you have a lovely time with your mum. All the very best wishes.
     
  4. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,947
    Ireland
    I hope your visit to your Mum went OK yesterday x
     
  5. Cheekycow

    Cheekycow Registered User

    Feb 8, 2016
    15
    All that worrying for nothing. Had a good visit, managed to get a few personal things done for my mum, even got her to have a shower :), and my sibling wasn't abusive at all this visit.
     
  6. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,947
    Ireland
    Very happy to hear that! Well done.
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,783
    Female
    South coast
    Wonderful, Im so glad it went well :)

    Perhaps you could visit more regularly?
     
  8. Cheekycow

    Cheekycow Registered User

    Feb 8, 2016
    15
    I want to visit weekly, it's my sibling that puts a stop to that normally, also sometimes life gets in the way :(
     
  9. Dothedealnow

    Dothedealnow Account Closed

    Jun 4, 2016
    97
    Ignore sibling and visit and often as you see fit. If you take any notice, sibling will keep trying to exercise control over access to your mum.
    Even better, sit them down and tell them the above.
    It sounds simple in writing but far harder in practice.
     
  10. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    801
    North East
    So pleased for you. A successful visit all round. Your mum will have felt lovely with having had her shower and a lovely moment for you to have in your collection.
    Keep going and keep keeping it sweet with your sibling. This really should be a time she can actually have a little rest herself.
     

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