very angry

[taylorcat]

Dad has just told me on Sunday when he was up visiting one of the nurses told him "when I was giving your wife her medication today she spoke very clearly to me and said just let me die". She then went on to ask my Dad if Mum was depressed!!!!

What on earth are we supposed to do with this information??

I'm trying to get hold of the consultant just now to tell her in future if any comments like this are indeed made then could they be kept to themselves unless it's something we can physically do something about.

 

[Grannie G]

What on earth is happening to people like nurses who feel able to play god?

This was such an insensitive comment to your father, already under the most horrendous stress, that I cannot believe any responsible professional would make it.

You have every reason to be angry. I am angry for you.

 

[taylorcat]

I've spoken to the consultant now who says the reason would be because this indicates she is depressed and they now need to call in a psychologist. I still don't think it was necessary to tell my Dad the reason they were calling them in.

The consultant reminded me that a few weeks ago I had called her because the nurses had not mentioned Mum was going for an MRI scan, x-ray etc. because it would just worry Dad. At that time I had said I wanted to know everything.

They obviously can't differentiate between things.

 

[Grannie G]

The nurse could have told your father she was worried that your mother was very depressed and left the details for you.

I think you will need to dot the i`s and cross the t`s for them.

 

[Taffy]

This was such a totally unnecessary thing to say to your poor dad, he doesn't need to hear things like that.

She then went on to ask my Dad if Mum was depressed!!!!

I think the answer to that one would be obvious. I don't know, I think people just don't think at times and that's the problem. I hope that something is sorted for your poor mum and she's feeling brighter soon. Take Care Taffy.

 

[merlin]

I think that however upset you and your father are by the nurse's comments, you should remember that dementia sufferers have periods of lucidity for only split seconds. Therefore your mother will have no recall of the statement at all.

Just before I left my wife last night at the home (which is traumatic enough in itself) she said "you won't ever leave me will you" I managed to hold myself together long enough to say quite normally "see you to-morrow as usual" and she replied "alright, take care" and the moment had passed.

As for the nurse's comment, surely it should be her proffessional judgement as to whether your mother is depressed not to ask your father. In that respect she is at fault.

Merlin

 

[jenniferpa]

I'm so sorry that this has happened: I sometimes think peoples brains and their mouths are entirely unconnected. When my mother was hospitalized they wanted to refer her "because she's sleeping a lot and we think that might be due to depression". I had to point out to them that 1) she was 89 and in pain and bored and sleeping seem to be a reasonable thing to do and 2) why the hell did they think she was taking anti-depressants anyway? "Oh is she" was the response and that was it.

Such issues as depression can be raised with family members without spelling out the nitty-gritty of why the issue is being raised. Frankly, my response to being ill, old, confused and in hospital would be not disimilar to your mother's reported comments. To not to want to be in that situation seems absolutely reasonable.