Hello there
Please can I ask for some more advice?
I have posted before but not sure how to start a new thread so I have done it this way.
My mother is nearly 90 and has the usual signs of early Alzheimer's forgetful, suspicious, vague and confused.
My family have organised an LPA (thanks to this forum...).
My mother has been to the doctors for all her physical tests - bloods, urine and ECG and all okay and now the doctor wants to refer mum to the hospital for memory tests. Mum has cancelled two appointments already because she does see the need to go as she thinks she is perfectly okay and that her memory is old age.
This morning I called to take mum to the drs for 9.10 but she was in her (heavily stained) dressing gown and curlers saying that she was not going to go but that she was going to go her friends for a coffee morning at 10.00. We then had an argument because she refused to go to the drs with me. I pointed out her memory problems with examples but she wouldn't believe me. I then went to call the Dr's from mum's phone but mum cut me off several times and tried to wrench the phone out of my hands. She got extremely upset and angry. When I tried to take the phone from her to call the Dr to explain that mum was not coming, mum took the phone away again, I pushed her out of the way and she nearly fell over. I caught her just in time.
Mum then accused me of dominating her, interfering in her life and to leave her alone. She said that she will go to the drs when she thinks its right to. I told mum that I was going to call the doctor from my home and will arrange for the dr to come and see her. Mum told me that she will never speak to me again if I did that. I explained again about her memory and that I was worried but she told me to leave her home, to get out basically and that she will never forgive to speak to me again.
The doctor contacted mum later this morning because mum did not arrive and the Dr has now made an appointment for mum to go for memory tests at the hospital. Mum has made it clear that she does not want me to go with her and the only other alternative is a social worker but someone has to go with mum. The appointment will not be for two months.
I have spoken to my brother (who is now being quite supportive) who says that we must just try and bridge the next two months until mum is assessed. In the meantime, my brother tells me to leave mum alone because that is what she wants.
However, if anything goes wrong (like she's run out of milk/bread regularly) Mum will come to my door (I live next door) for these things.
At the moment, I am feeling bruised, raw and very hurt by the things mum said to me today and I know it is the disease but I just don't want anything to do with her at the moment.
I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this and how did you handle it? I don't think I acted well this morning but I was frustrated, fed up and annoyed because, as always, I battle with mum on my own. My brother cannot come and help because he lives so far away.
What do I say to mum when she knocks at my door wanting a carton of milk, a lift somewhere? I don't like bad feeling and will do anything to avoid confrontation and mum knows this.
The doctor has been lovely and very supportive.
To make matters worse, I have been in contact with some of mum's friends to find out some dates for when mum will needs lifts (christmas dinner, coffee mornings, social gathering) and made the mistake of opening up to one of mum's friends (whose husband has Alz) and this 'friend' has now told mum everything I have said. So last night, I had a vicious phone call from mum accusing me of interfering in her life and her social life, implying that she was 'senile old woman', how dare I contact one of mum's friends without speaking to her, blah blah blah. Now this argument this morning has totally ruined our relationship.
What happens after the memory clinic assessment? If she is diagnosed does she receive care? What if she doesn't want it?
I wish I lived miles away!
Any advice or experiences would be most welcome right now.
Mrs C
Please can I ask for some more advice?
I have posted before but not sure how to start a new thread so I have done it this way.
My mother is nearly 90 and has the usual signs of early Alzheimer's forgetful, suspicious, vague and confused.
My family have organised an LPA (thanks to this forum...).
My mother has been to the doctors for all her physical tests - bloods, urine and ECG and all okay and now the doctor wants to refer mum to the hospital for memory tests. Mum has cancelled two appointments already because she does see the need to go as she thinks she is perfectly okay and that her memory is old age.
This morning I called to take mum to the drs for 9.10 but she was in her (heavily stained) dressing gown and curlers saying that she was not going to go but that she was going to go her friends for a coffee morning at 10.00. We then had an argument because she refused to go to the drs with me. I pointed out her memory problems with examples but she wouldn't believe me. I then went to call the Dr's from mum's phone but mum cut me off several times and tried to wrench the phone out of my hands. She got extremely upset and angry. When I tried to take the phone from her to call the Dr to explain that mum was not coming, mum took the phone away again, I pushed her out of the way and she nearly fell over. I caught her just in time.
Mum then accused me of dominating her, interfering in her life and to leave her alone. She said that she will go to the drs when she thinks its right to. I told mum that I was going to call the doctor from my home and will arrange for the dr to come and see her. Mum told me that she will never speak to me again if I did that. I explained again about her memory and that I was worried but she told me to leave her home, to get out basically and that she will never forgive to speak to me again.
The doctor contacted mum later this morning because mum did not arrive and the Dr has now made an appointment for mum to go for memory tests at the hospital. Mum has made it clear that she does not want me to go with her and the only other alternative is a social worker but someone has to go with mum. The appointment will not be for two months.
I have spoken to my brother (who is now being quite supportive) who says that we must just try and bridge the next two months until mum is assessed. In the meantime, my brother tells me to leave mum alone because that is what she wants.
However, if anything goes wrong (like she's run out of milk/bread regularly) Mum will come to my door (I live next door) for these things.
At the moment, I am feeling bruised, raw and very hurt by the things mum said to me today and I know it is the disease but I just don't want anything to do with her at the moment.
I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this and how did you handle it? I don't think I acted well this morning but I was frustrated, fed up and annoyed because, as always, I battle with mum on my own. My brother cannot come and help because he lives so far away.
What do I say to mum when she knocks at my door wanting a carton of milk, a lift somewhere? I don't like bad feeling and will do anything to avoid confrontation and mum knows this.
The doctor has been lovely and very supportive.
To make matters worse, I have been in contact with some of mum's friends to find out some dates for when mum will needs lifts (christmas dinner, coffee mornings, social gathering) and made the mistake of opening up to one of mum's friends (whose husband has Alz) and this 'friend' has now told mum everything I have said. So last night, I had a vicious phone call from mum accusing me of interfering in her life and her social life, implying that she was 'senile old woman', how dare I contact one of mum's friends without speaking to her, blah blah blah. Now this argument this morning has totally ruined our relationship.
What happens after the memory clinic assessment? If she is diagnosed does she receive care? What if she doesn't want it?
I wish I lived miles away!
Any advice or experiences would be most welcome right now.
Mrs C