Can anyone tell me if it's a common thing for people with dementia to become verbally aggressive to their nearest and dearest. My Mum has been in a care home since October 2020. I try to visit her as often as I can which is usually every ten days. She has recently started to be nasty as soon as I get there. She's saying things like I don't given a damn about her and I'm bloody useless. I have done so much for Mum since she reached her eighties (she's now 93). I helped her with all the things she couldn't do, and when she eventually was admitted to the care home I cleared her house and put it on the market, which was a nightmare because the sale didn't go through smoothly and there were many obstacles to overcome but we got there eventually. I don't know where this idea that I don't care about her has come from. Can anyone relate to this?
Yes, SJA0554, I can relate to this. And I’m sorry you are experiencing it too. It’s very difficult to deal with.
I receive verbal aggression from my Mum. Some others who have overheard it call it “abuse.”
Mum is still articulate so it feels believable and I come away at times thinking about what she said, even doubting my character and motives.
Before I realised it was the dementia, I would react to it - even saying unkind things back when I had reached my limit as I didn’t understand. Of course, I feel really bad about that now.
When another residents daughter heard Mum having a go at me one day whilst I was in the care home visiting, she called out to me as she passed saying: “It’s the dementia!” It helped to hear that.
I agree with other posters that she won’t recall how much you have done for her. Mum says similar stuff to me.
It’s hard to let the words go over your head because it’s so hurtful and you try to figure out if she actually means it but I agree with the other comments on here - the disease is the cause.