Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by daveyshadow, Aug 13, 2019.
Thanks.I was having a good day as well.As we all know this “capacity “ malarkey is a real pain.....
Bit like my sanity at times ... fluctuating!!
That did make me smile ..Going to have a wine now
Ah don’t rub it in... I’m trying not to get anxious about the blood pressure monitor winging its way home!!!!
I have a Quardio BP monitor and it works with the iPhone.I take my BP every couple of days and I try and keep an eye on my weight.I have high cholesterol though...I’m so afraid of ending up like dad ,it definitely spurs me on to do more exercise.
I’ve really scared myself, but yesterday blood pressure 138 so slept better last night! Definitely don’t want to be more susceptible to Dementia!
And ... shes off again. Ranting about how theres nothing wrong with her, doesn't need carers... blah blah blah. I know i sound a bit harsh, but ive had enough. Mums forgetting to lock her front door, so i have arranged for the carers to check if her doors locked every eve at 9pm. Shes shouting out of her bedroom window at them to go away. Then calling me to rant about it all. Her latest idea is that she will move away, then no one can go round! Aaarrrrrgggghhhh
Really do sympathise, it sounds just like my Mum was; & possibly could be again !
Does your Mum have a social worker ? I rang social services & said Mum was a vulnerable adult, & a social worker was assigned. Mum hated the intrusion to begin with but has now become fond of her social worker, & carers.
My husband, who my Mum adores ( well it’s not me shall I say!) her granddaughter (who again is the golden child/adult!) & myself ( never flavour of the month!!!) sat down & repeatedly asked her what she wanted to achieve. I have had to “put the kettle on several times” to stop exploding in frustration but when I come back into the room with refreshments ( my family are awash with refreshments!!!!) Mum usually asks me what I think.
It’s this point of dementia that has been the most frustrating for my family & myself. It’s taken along time ( I have a slow learning curve !) for me to realise that Mums actions are that of a terrified woman used to being controlling now having little control.
Calmly ( at times I have ranted & raved in frustration & got no where! Except Mum seemed to get a kick out of the exchange ) I talk to Mum about the options. I dread these discussions but envisage myself before hand being calm. It actually works, no matter what Mum says I don’t loose my cool! ( would have used another four letter word but I know that I’d get moderated again! Think the lovely moderators have enough on their plates!) Even when she trots out those sayings looking to hurt
“ I just want to die!” Or “I’m so much trouble, I’ll just go into a home!”
So instead of the usual response & emotional out bursts ( yes really wasn’t dealing with all this well!!) I wait & count to ten & then say very calmly, “ I think it must feel very frightening to be in this situation, but .... “
Followed by either in reply to the home rant - “ if that’s what you want, then we will talk about it another day. But if you want to stay in your own home we will do everything we can to help you achieve that”
Or the I want to die rant, “ I don’t think you mean that really, because if you did you would stop eating & drinking. It’s because you are frightened about what’s happening & I want to know how I can help you ?”
Actually talking about how she feels, she hated the intrusion has helped her accept the situation a little. She doesn’t like it but by making it about her feelings & giving her options without me getting emotional has helped- a little bit!
Absolutely fuming! Dad arrived home from his monthly bath.The carers arrived late(30 mins) which was just as well .(should have arrived at 18.05) but dad wouldn’t have been back then......Watching them assist dad was painful.Poor Dad was tired and he uses a Sara steady to get up out the wheelchair.So you have a carer in front holding the Sara steady and one holding the wheelchair!(Didn’t need to hold wheelchair as the brakes were on)So ,poor dad was struggling to get his hand onto the bar of the Sara steady with them just looking.He asked for help,eventually got it,but the one with the wheelchair just stood!So I stepped in and got dad to stand straighter so I could get the paddles behind so he could sit on them..Then they wheeled him to bed......I also asked them “what happened to the catheter bag stand?”..”I think it broke “was the reply..They have broken 2 in 3 months so I am not buying any more.District nurse can supply it in future.I know the bag broke as I spent most of yesterday shampooing the carpets!!.....They had uniform on but NO ID badges.An ID badge is a requirement of CQC,plus the council.Also a legal requirement as you are going into a vulnerable adults home!!!!Another problem is none of them are putting the hospital bed down as far as it will go at night.I know dad doesn’t move but it is supposed to be lowered so if he turns ,or puts his legs by the side of the bars ,he won’t hurt himself by falling!!!Complaint going in today!...
Thank you for your reply..... its a real minefield of knowing whats the best thing to say or do. Ive tried being calm, explaining things in very simple terms, and although mum might understand some things im saying, she still goes back to her moaning and saying theres nithing wrong with her. Deep breath required.... and my comfort food... chocolate buttons! Good job i dont drink, id be an alcoholic by now!
I can honestly say that it’s taken me years to get to a calmer place.... & 3 stone heavier!!!!
Don’t want to think about the liver.... am being good at the moment so I believe the liver regenerates!! At least that’s one bit of me sorted!!!!
That’s awful, I’m so sorry. It’s heartbreaking when things go wrong. I hope that they take notice & get themselves sorted out.
Let us know how you get on today
Hi!I had to shampoo the carpet ,yet again!..I have left them a note about it.Plus ,I will be filling in a letter of complaint @ID tags etc..Not happy at all!
I did not know that so Thank you for highlighting the information.
So sorry to hear about the horrible situation. I hope the letter of complaint brings a better result
Not good for your stress levels - look after yourself