1. Fiona

    Fiona Registered User

    May 31, 2003
    5
    East Sussex
    I need more info on forms of dementia not Alzhiemers. I think mum has vascular dementia and its breaking my heart. We know its not Alzhiemers because of a scan she had which cleared that. I want to sob and sob right now even though she is not dead and only in the early stages so when she is bad I'll have 'done that'. But people think I am being dramatic and out of order.

    If your mum suddenly looked at you gesticulating and talking gibberish and in the last six months had lost freedom of mobility and shuffled around and suddenly couldn't cook dinner and was angry a lot and your Dad was asking questions about Alzhiemers and neurological disorders where are you supposed to put it? How do I care for them unless I have made my own peace - and how do I make my own peace without enough information and the understanding of my own husband and family?

    They retired to Spain 13 years ago from Scotland and she can't come back now because the stress of being out of her own environment makes her worse. I can't move to Spain because my daughter is too young and our work is here. My brother and sister don't want to know and my husband gets upset if I cry.

    Is it normal to feel grief now? Am I just a nutter myself. I am 46 and she is 73. I love my mum and I think I am going to break but I musn't because she needs me and so does my dad.

    Fiona
     
  2. aceblytons

    aceblytons Registered User

    Sep 2, 2007
    58
    Wigan
    hi fiona
    sorry to hear about your mum,but i understand how upset you are coming on tp was the best thing i did.
    i felt alone and cried i did't know what to do.my husband has vascular dementia he has lost the ability to do do anything
    washing,dressing very confused,unable to hold a conversation or have a conversation,needs help with eating.
    he goes to a day centre five days a week and that gives me a break,and he is very happy there.
    all i can say to you is take each day as it comes,thats how i get through,and you will.
    thinking of you
    aceblytons
     
  3. barbara h

    barbara h Registered User

    Feb 15, 2008
    96
    county durham
    When my mam suddenly deteriated with her vascular dementia in february and had to go into a care home i felt as if i lost her then. The shock of that on top of the stress of looking after her the few months previously just about tipped me over the edge. The doctor gave me a sick note for two weeks and some tablets to calm my racing heart rate down.

    I realise now that i think it was a form of grief for the person my mam was and i realised i wouldn't have her back again. Her suffering was quite bad but fortunately short in comparison to lots of people with the illness and she died in july.

    I think you grieve twice with this illness and the advice given is right to just take each day as it comes and if you feel like a good cry just do it - you will feel better for it. I tried to hold my tears back for a long time and when i finally gave in to them one day at work and had a good long sob on a friends shoulder it was quite a relief.

    Good luck with everything.

    barbara h
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #4 Margarita, Sep 20, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2008
    Vascular dementia does not progress in the same way as AZ, My mother was sent to Spain from Gibraltar in 03 to have brain Scan , where they told her she had AZ.

    When we went back to England 3 years later in England my mother was told she has vascular dementia Just from the Symptoms she was showing

    Did your mother get Vascular dementia from having heart problems, stroke Or because she dietetic ?

    As my mother was given Exbixa in Gibraltar which slowed now the progression of her dementia.

    But I know Exbixa can not be given if someone has heart problems in UK , but other country do have different views on that so can be given Spain one of them that will give the medication .


    This thread is a Good read about vascular dementia
    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=840

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/s...cumentID=161&gclid=CK2xv7Ky65UCFQ9KQgodATmafw
     
  5. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Fiona

    you encapsulate a wodge of issues with a loved one with dementia in the one paragraph.

    Is it normal to feel grief now? absolutely

    Am I just a nutter myself. it is quite normal to feel this, the situation is so ghastly and unreal

    I am 46 and she is 73. encountering dementia in any form at a younger age is devastating, and it does mark your life forever. I was 44 when Jan started to show her symptoms.

    I love my mum and I think I am going to break but I musn't because she needs me and so does my dad. often it is the need to be strong for others that keeps us from falling apart entirely. In your case, where such a distance is involved, it is very difficult.

    I hope you will find that Talking Point is an invaluable safety valve for your feelings, as well as a source of information based on experience.
     

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