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Vascular Dementia

Linz67

New member
Oct 30, 2019
1
My father passed away after loosing his fight to cancer he was Mums primary carer who suffered a stroke around 3 1/2 years ago resulting in the onset of Vascular Dementia being diagnosed.
Mum has moved into a residential care home nearer to me. Initially after dads passing Mum appwared to be coping well - stoic - a word I found myself using to descibe how she was coping. However over the last few weeks mum has declined become anxious unsettled wondering constantly looking for dad. She has in her mind that he has left her for another partner.
What advise is there for me to be able to help her and myself through this awful time?
She is obviously pinning for her husband I have very little idea of how to help her or myself.
Has anyone else been through a similar situation.
Its so difficult she has lost her husband of 60 years and her home all at the same time.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,227
South coast
Hello @Linz67 and welcome to DTP, although I am sorry that you have found us at such a sad time. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your dad.

Im afraid that what you describe is all too common. Your mum knows that your dad is gone and feels the sadness, but cannot remember what has happened. Have you tried telling her that he has died? Usually it is like the first time that they have been told and are devastated all over again, but will not be able to hold onto the truth although she will retain a feeling that something terrible has happened (which is why she thinks he has left her for another woman) and that will make her keep asking.

If this is the scenario that you are facing then it is better to let her forget. If she cannot deal with her husband dying then it is the time for "love lies" - telling her something that she can understand and accept. Perhaps he is at work? Did he ever have to go away for some reason?. Think of something that will explain his absence to her and will not upset her.
 

Mcrampsie

Registered User
Sep 17, 2016
6
My father passed away after loosing his fight to cancer he was Mums primary carer who suffered a stroke around 3 1/2 years ago resulting in the onset of Vascular Dementia being diagnosed.
Mum has moved into a residential care home nearer to me. Initially after dads passing Mum appwared to be coping well - stoic - a word I found myself using to descibe how she was coping. However over the last few weeks mum has declined become anxious unsettled wondering constantly looking for dad. She has in her mind that he has left her for another partner.
What advise is there for me to be able to help her and myself through this awful time?
She is obviously pinning for her husband I have very little idea of how to help her or myself.
Has anyone else been through a similar situation.
Its so difficult she has lost her husband of 60 years and her home all at the same time.
 

Mcrampsie

Registered User
Sep 17, 2016
6
This may not be helpful but in the specialist Alzheimer's ward my partner was in prior to her death last May, patients often asked the staff about the whereabouts of their husband/wife (often long dead). They would reply that the person was 'resting' - which seemed to be acceptable to many. It may/may not work but its so tricky having to explain over and over again.