1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Theresa .G.

    Theresa .G. New member

    Sep 16, 2019
    my father lives on his own ,he is 82 years old,he's had dementia around 10 years now.
    I am my dads main carer and literally do everything for dad and around the house.
    I'm there around 4 hours a day .
    However I am going back to work and tried to put more care into place,so that my dad is eating and drinking enough fluids.
    So here goes.
    My dad needs prompting to eat ,drink,wash,he needs help in the shower,the last couple of weeks he has been getting up in the night and not making it to the toilet,
    He's leaving taps on ,bowling the kettle with no water in.
    All this has been brought to social services and care companies attention.
    I asked the question at what stage do you think my dad is at the Manager of the company said 3 I said no dad I said at stage 6 , doesn't know us,can't make a sandwich ,can't make a drink,won't do either if no ones there ,lost weight.his fluid intake is very poor unless someone is there with him.
    Today I get to my dads at 11.40 he's up sitting in his vest ,shoes,and pyjama bottoms,tap running,no water in kettle,carer should come at 1.30 arrived just after 2 we only have female carers as dad doesn't like male carers,through a bad experience.
    Luckily for dad I was still there with him
    So they come in at 1.30 to do him toast,a drink,and tablets,they then prepare a lunch which he never eats,then they come at 5.30/6 pm to give him tea which consists of a couple of spoonfuls of dinner,a drink of pop.
    We had a meeting,to up dads care ,they don't want to know,but what's going to happen when I'm at work ,my dad sitting there until someone comes in to feed him ,it's absolutely shocking.i don't know what to do anymore.
    I asked the care company if dad had lost weight she said yes.
    I go in he's combing his face, he doesn't know who anyone is,he's still well mannered and I keep him immaculate.i make sure his skin is hydrated,he's fed well and hydrated, I know he will go downhill once I go back to work.
    Why can't my dad have carers in 4 times a day ???, we part fund his care.
    Kind Regards
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @Theresa .G.
    a warm welcome to DTP
    you've clearly been doing well by your dad in caring for him, and it's good that you are going back to work, but obviously you are worried about him
    and I agree that he needs more support ... and for the support to be more effective ... is there any chance of changing care providef so carers at least make sure he actually eats his meals
    I'm not sure why you are contributing to his care fees, these should be paid from his finances only, and if he has little savings and a low income, the LA ought to be contributing ... has there been a financial assessment?

    personally, I'd make it clear to the Social Worker that you will not be providing hands on care and that the current care package is not meeting his needs so must be re-assessed ... the 'duty of care' lies with the LA to make sure your dad has care to meet his needs otherwise, as a 'vulnerable adult' he will be 'at risk of harm' due to 'self neglect' as he is no longer able to cope with key daily tasks
    to be honest, it sounds as though it's time to consider residential care so carers will ensure he drinks and eats properly ... but if he is not self-funding the LA will prefer to provide care at home for as long as possible, so keep pushing for more care visits

    you might find Admiral Nurses will be able to help you negotiate with the LA

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