Vascular dementia mid stage

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
hello Tony Truro,

My mum had vascular dementia and she was about 66 on diagnosis, so a similar age to your wife, and the health professionals classed her as young because the Older People's Team started at 70. She was better on some days than others too. Her memory was not as affected as much other things, and she knew who we were nearly all the time.

One of her biggest problems was sequencing of tasks i.e. what things to do in what order. She would not remember how to get in and out of a car, she would ask "what foot do I put down first?"
She also did things like put all the dinner in a pyrex jug to heat in the microwave, because she hadn't realised the items cook at different times.
It's going to be a happy day today . It was a long night Tony
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
Pleased to talk Jane it's a hard life I really don't know what to expect or to do .Think it's a long road .My wife is 65 and diagnosis mid stage .yet the odd day she seems normal. Tony
Hopefully today Will be a happy day. We are going to try the memory cafe on Thursday. To see what it's like tony
 

jumbo

Registered User
Nov 20, 2017
39
0
Hope it's a good day for everyone the sunshine is just starting yippee
Hi there,
Still struggling along. Today will be hard to get my wife up because we had our monthly trip to the cancer hospital in London. I shall try to summon the energy to get her up but it will take time. At least the sun is shining and that cheers me up. I shall not have any excuse not to tidy up the garden. We may get some visitors over the weekend but not the family because they don't want to know. They are always far too busy socialising! I don't mind because when they do visit ( about twice a year) they tell me what I should be doing! I wont print my thoughts. Keep at the good work Tony and like me, do the best we can do in difficult circumstances. Cheerio for now Jumbo
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
Hello Tony,
Yes it's all normal, if you can read Oliver James book called Contented Dementia, it will help you to cope with your daily situation, it gives practial help in dealing with daily life, if you can imagine our memories as a photographic album, without dementia we call recall (look back) into the album and find anything picture (memory) we like, but for a person with DM they have blocks of pictures containing facts missing, hence their need to search for answers when questioned, this is what then we see as their distress, but also if the memory can't be recalled for a fact, that will include a negative feeling and cause distress, however, if we go to the place where the person with DM is at that moment in time, don't question or contradict, accept, then the person with DM will have a happy memory and with it created a happy feeling. The more pictures missing, the less facts to be recalled, but then they are left with just the feelings, so if we can create a ribbonning effect of more good feelings the person with DM will be more positively contented. Best of luck. Ps the book is brilliant.
Thanks for your advice it's much appreciated..its been a great day sunshine.. I will get the book ..hope you had a great day . Tony
 

Norfolk Cherry

Registered User
Feb 17, 2018
321
0
My mum has Vascular dementia too. She will forget a plan we made and put in the diary 10 " after doing it, but today noticed I was wearing a new jacket?! I can find myself really surprised when she does remember something. I also liked Oliver James book, Contented Dementia, it helps you focus on keeping the person calm, content and free from anxiety, which can mean stretching the truth. Glad you joined, there's so much support on here.
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
My mum has Vascular dementia too. She will forget a plan we made and put in the diary 10 " after doing it, but today noticed I was wearing a new jacket?! I can find myself really surprised when she does remember something. I also liked Oliver James book, Contented Dementia, it helps you focus on keeping the person calm, content and free from anxiety, which can mean stretching the truth. Glad you joined, there's so much support on here.
Hi hope you have a great day in the sunshine . I took my wife Teresa to a memory club it was hard for her has all the other people was 75 90 . But once over the first few minutes she settled down and think she enjoyed it .. Teresa is 65 .It's along road .Talk soon Tony
 

Mipsydoo

Registered User
Jan 16, 2018
14
0
hello < my mums 65 and diagnosed with Vascular Dermentia . Ive been told this week, her driving licence is to be revoked and im dreading her getting this news as it is going to be a serious blow . This weekend ive been up n down emotioally , just wishing she had not put off things she enjoyed . She has an old mini that has sat in the garage for 6 years and finally comes on the road in the next week (shes like a kid in a sweetshop since the news its going on the road ...finally ) but now it looks like she may get no time at all to enjoy it . My mums has become very short with me on a regular basis but im guessing as one of 4 and mum single < im the one to nag about medication, appointments , activities. As a mum myself to 3 teenagers , work , house and of course running as a sanity release time seems to be a juggling act .Never relalised how emotionally stressful it is , you do all you can , do everything right & for the good (in my mind) but cant wave a magic wand ... these forums do generally help with my big bag of guilt i carry around .
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,731
0
South
Hi Mipsydoo.
My (late) mum gave up her licence after driving home from work after a TIA. I think it scared her, especially what we said afterwards that she could have caused an accident. She did say several times that was the biggest loss for her in terms of her vascular dementia. She was diagnosed at 67. You will find lots of threads about driving/giving up difficulties if you search for them.
As for the bag of guilt, try to recognise when you are carrying it and when it is heavy, if you see it then put it down and hide it! You sound like you have enough responsibilities without carrying that one too x
 

Mipsydoo

Registered User
Jan 16, 2018
14
0
Hi Mipsydoo.
My (late) mum gave up her licence after driving home from work after a TIA. I think it scared her, especially what we said afterwards that she could have caused an accident. She did say several times that was the biggest loss for her in terms of her vascular dementia. She was diagnosed at 67. You will find lots of threads about driving/giving up difficulties if you search for them.
As for the bag of guilt, try to recognise when you are carrying it and when it is heavy, if you see it then put it down and hide it! You sound like you have enough responsibilities without carrying that one too x

bless you, thank you for your kind words x
 

Norfolk Cherry

Registered User
Feb 17, 2018
321
0
hello < my mums 65 and diagnosed with Vascular Dermentia . Ive been told this week, her driving licence is to be revoked and im dreading her getting this news as it is going to be a serious blow . This weekend ive been up n down emotioally , just wishing she had not put off things she enjoyed . She has an old mini that has sat in the garage for 6 years and finally comes on the road in the next week (shes like a kid in a sweetshop since the news its going on the road ...finally ) but now it looks like she may get no time at all to enjoy it . My mums has become very short with me on a regular basis but im guessing as one of 4 and mum single < im the one to nag about medication, appointments , activities. As a mum myself to 3 teenagers , work , house and of course running as a sanity release time seems to be a juggling act .Never relalised how emotionally stressful it is , you do all you can , do everything right & for the good (in my mind) but cant wave a magic wand ... these forums do generally help with my big bag of guilt i carry around .
Hi @Mipsydoo . Soobee puts it very well. I've been carrying the bag of guilt for about eight years now and am learning, with support on here, ways of putting it down. You have to put your teenagers and yourself first, your mum would never have wanted you to sacrifice your young family and yourself if you had been able to discuss it with her pre-dementia. It's a bit different for me, as mine had left home, but I have only started to realise the losses incurred to my ability to be present and available to my daughter as she raises two lovely grandchildren in London. I could spend even more time with mum her than I do, but now I choose not too. To give her the support she needs to stay in her own home, I need time for my husband, my children, my grandchildren and myself. That includes time for friends otherwise I lose their support. So what I'm saying to you, is your priority is getting help and reading up on dealing with the guilt monster, or it will win. My mum is safe, comfortable, and as content as possible in the circumstances. When this is no longer the case, she will move to her next home, a care home. All the best.
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
hello < my mums 65 and diagnosed with Vascular Dermentia . Ive been told this week, her driving licence is to be revoked and im dreading her getting this news as it is going to be a serious blow . This weekend ive been up n down emotioally , just wishing she had not put off things she enjoyed . She has an old mini that has sat in the garage for 6 years and finally comes on the road in the next week (shes like a kid in a sweetshop since the news its going on the road ...finally ) but now it looks like she may get no time at all to enjoy it . My mums has become very short with me on a regular basis but im guessing as one of 4 and mum single < im the one to nag about medication, appointments , activities. As a mum myself to 3 teenagers , work , house and of course running as a sanity release time seems to be a juggling act .Never relalised how emotionally stressful it is , you do all you can , do everything right & for the good (in my mind) but cant wave a magic wand ... these forums do generally help with my big bag of guilt i carry around .
Yes it's very hard . My wife Teresa is also 65 diagnosed vascular dementia last year age 64. Yes it's a hard road she gets angry on a regular basis .the nights are long she's up and down all night. I really wonder how we will cope.
Stay strong and remember they don't know what they say or do most of the time .I'm finding it very challenging. But it must be worse for her with the brain fog .think it's going to be a long road when you love them spooky much. Talk soon tony
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
Yes it's very hard . My wife Teresa is also 65 diagnosed vascular dementia last year age 64. Yes it's a hard road she gets angry on a regular basis .the nights are long she's up and down all night. I really wonder how we will cope.
Stay strong and remember they don't know what they say or do most of the time .I'm finding it very challenging. But it must be worse for her with the brain fog .think it's going to be a long road when you love them so much. Talk soon tony
 

hrh

Registered User
Sep 16, 2017
76
0
Hi hope you have a great day in the sunshine . I took my wife Teresa to a memory club it was hard for her has all the other people was 75 90 . But once over the first few minutes she settled down and think she enjoyed it .. Teresa is 65 .It's along road .Talk soon Tony
Hi Tony so pleased you read the book, it helps you as a carer to understand how the memories of a dementia person works and how we can respond in a positive way, it is only part of the plan but does help. So no direct questions, no contradiction, listen carefully what the person with dm is telling you, and remember to get a project for yourself away from the care, join a rambling group, photography, what ever you want to do..
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
Hi Tony so pleased you read the book, it helps you as a carer to understand how the memories of a dementia person works and how we can respond in a positive way, it is only part of the plan but does help. So no direct questions, no contradiction, listen carefully what the person with dm is telling you, and remember to get a project for yourself away from the care, join a rambling group, photography, what ever you want to do..
Thanks have taken all on board enjoy the sunshine talk soon Tony
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
Dear Tony,
I can identify just how you feel as I am battling to try and persuade my wife to get up for something to eat. Seeing an once alert, intelligent and active person reduced to one who does not care or show an interest is devastating. I have to keep picking myself up and trying my best. Margaret is really struggling and I have to constantly remind myself that it is not her fault. but for the grace of God go I. The good days are now few and far between. Thinking of you.

jumbo
Hope your doing ok jumbo .Hope you get a sleep tonight I'm knackered it's a struggle 3 hours sleep a day. But will keep on soldering on .. Tony
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
Dear Tony,
I can identify just how you feel as I am battling to try and persuade my wife to get up for something to eat. Seeing an once alert, intelligent and active person reduced to one who does not care or show an interest is devastating. I have to keep picking myself up and trying my best. Margaret is really struggling and I have to constantly remind myself that it is not her fault. but for the grace of God go I. The good days are now few and far between. Thinking of you.

jumbo
How's Margaret doing mate ..i just wish Teresa would go to sleep at night I'm warn out talk soon Tony
 

jumbo

Registered User
Nov 20, 2017
39
0
How's Margaret doing mate ..i just wish Teresa would go to sleep at night I'm warn out talk soon Tony
Dear Tony,

Plodding on doing the best I can. Margaret is still enjoying the late night TV and I get some sleep whilst she is doing that. Like you I do feel very tired and find myself falling asleep in the middle of the day. Battling to persuade her to get up and get dressed rather than slop around in a dressing gown. The Royal Wedding made us think of old times when we were Stewards at St Georges Chapel. The last time we did a duty was close to Easter in 2008 when we were overwhelmed with tourists from the USA on a bitterly cold day. Two days later Margaret had her first stroke! How life changes! Keep smiling and telling yourself that you are doing the very best you can for someone who cannot help their problems. Jumbo
 

tony truro

Registered User
Apr 23, 2018
67
0
Dear Tony,

Plodding on doing the best I can. Margaret is still enjoying the late night TV and I get some sleep whilst she is doing that. Like you I do feel very tired and find myself falling asleep in the middle of the day. Battling to persuade her to get up and get dressed rather than slop around in a dressing gown. The Royal Wedding made us think of old times when we were Stewards at St Georges Chapel. The last time we did a duty was close to Easter in 2008 when we were overwhelmed with tourists from the USA on a bitterly cold day. Two days later Margaret had her first stroke! How life changes! Keep smiling and telling yourself that you are doing the very best you can for someone who cannot help their problems. Jumbo
Thanks mate we will keep plodding on . Teresa did sleep last night yippee. Talk soon Tony