Hi,
I've been reading Talking Point for the past 4/5 days, I am utterly inspired by the way you all deal with this terrible disease and I am also uplifted (if there is such a word) to know that there are people out there in the exact same situation as us. Of course I would rather none of us were in this "situation" but of course there isn't much we can do about that.
Anyway, I'm 20 years old and grandaughter to a granny with quite advanced dementia and a grandfather who has just recently (past 6 months or so) started to show signs of it. I am also daughter to their main carer. It is actually my Mum that I am most concerned about. My mum is one of 7 children, yet she is the only one who cares for my grandparents, is this the case in most families or just ours? It infuriates me so so much!! My mum has had to give up her job to care for her parents, yet her brothers and sister are "too busy" to visit my grandparents!!
Up until about 8/9 years ago my grandparents had lived in a housing estate in our town but my dad built us a house out in the country (about 3miles out of town), he also built a smaller house nearby for my grandparents to live in as they were having a bit of trouble from youths, etc in the housing estate. My Dad did not have to do that but he wanted to make my Mum happy and she really wanted my grandparents to live in the country as they had both been reared in the country. Anyway, now 4 of my mum's 5 brothers see their parents between about 3/4 - 6/7 times a year, her other brother does as much as he can. She also has an older sister who calls over about twice a week, but can't stay long as she's "very busy"!! My Mum is under the opinion that her brothers/sister think that since she moved them out to the contry she has nominated herself to take care of them. My Mum of course would do absolutely anything for her parents, but I just feel so upset that she is left to get on with it as such. Even when my granny first developed alzheimers, most of her family thought my Mum was exagerating!! They would quite happily put my grandparents into a nursing home but that is the one thing that my Mum definately doesn't want!! My grandparents also have 18 grandchildren and me and my brother are the only 2 that see them every single day. Only some of the other 16 visit at chirstmas, some of them don't visit at all!
Our own family life (me, my mum, my dad, my brother) has also suffered, I can notice the strain between my mum and dad. I do as much as is possible for my mum in helping her to care for them but it is difficult as I am at college.
My Mum's health has also started to deteriorate, mainly due to stress. However, she's not getting any help from anyone. I have begged her to get a home help in but she refuses because my Grandad doesn't want one. He is major denial about my granny and doesn't seem to think there is any problems. Both my grandparents are still quite physically active, and my grandad seems to think he is still 20 and can do anything!! My Mum does all their shopping for them and when she tells them it was £20 or whatever, there is a whole commotion over the price of the shopping (they still seem to think that shopping should only cost a few shillings or whatever was used!!) and they always say they don't have any money even though my Mum get's their pension every week. Anyone have any tips on dealing with this? My grandad has even accused my Mum of stealing his pension!
My granny is incontinent in both senses (if you know what I mean?) and my Mum has to clean both my granny and the house, I really don't know how she has coped as well as she has but I don't know if she'll be able to cope for much longer.
I know I must sound very selfish and I do realise that it is the disease causing my grandparents to behave in the way they do, but it is still extremely hard to cope with. I love them more than anything, but it is so upsetting to see that the essence of who they are is slipping away. I think it must be that I'm that bit younger and find it difficult to cope with.
My Mum is due to see our GP tomorrow to discuss my Grandads new behaviour but I can almost guess what they're gonna say - we can't do anything!
Sorry, that this post has been so long and all over the place. Thanks for listening (if you got this far!)
Sony
I've been reading Talking Point for the past 4/5 days, I am utterly inspired by the way you all deal with this terrible disease and I am also uplifted (if there is such a word) to know that there are people out there in the exact same situation as us. Of course I would rather none of us were in this "situation" but of course there isn't much we can do about that.
Anyway, I'm 20 years old and grandaughter to a granny with quite advanced dementia and a grandfather who has just recently (past 6 months or so) started to show signs of it. I am also daughter to their main carer. It is actually my Mum that I am most concerned about. My mum is one of 7 children, yet she is the only one who cares for my grandparents, is this the case in most families or just ours? It infuriates me so so much!! My mum has had to give up her job to care for her parents, yet her brothers and sister are "too busy" to visit my grandparents!!
Up until about 8/9 years ago my grandparents had lived in a housing estate in our town but my dad built us a house out in the country (about 3miles out of town), he also built a smaller house nearby for my grandparents to live in as they were having a bit of trouble from youths, etc in the housing estate. My Dad did not have to do that but he wanted to make my Mum happy and she really wanted my grandparents to live in the country as they had both been reared in the country. Anyway, now 4 of my mum's 5 brothers see their parents between about 3/4 - 6/7 times a year, her other brother does as much as he can. She also has an older sister who calls over about twice a week, but can't stay long as she's "very busy"!! My Mum is under the opinion that her brothers/sister think that since she moved them out to the contry she has nominated herself to take care of them. My Mum of course would do absolutely anything for her parents, but I just feel so upset that she is left to get on with it as such. Even when my granny first developed alzheimers, most of her family thought my Mum was exagerating!! They would quite happily put my grandparents into a nursing home but that is the one thing that my Mum definately doesn't want!! My grandparents also have 18 grandchildren and me and my brother are the only 2 that see them every single day. Only some of the other 16 visit at chirstmas, some of them don't visit at all!
Our own family life (me, my mum, my dad, my brother) has also suffered, I can notice the strain between my mum and dad. I do as much as is possible for my mum in helping her to care for them but it is difficult as I am at college.
My Mum's health has also started to deteriorate, mainly due to stress. However, she's not getting any help from anyone. I have begged her to get a home help in but she refuses because my Grandad doesn't want one. He is major denial about my granny and doesn't seem to think there is any problems. Both my grandparents are still quite physically active, and my grandad seems to think he is still 20 and can do anything!! My Mum does all their shopping for them and when she tells them it was £20 or whatever, there is a whole commotion over the price of the shopping (they still seem to think that shopping should only cost a few shillings or whatever was used!!) and they always say they don't have any money even though my Mum get's their pension every week. Anyone have any tips on dealing with this? My grandad has even accused my Mum of stealing his pension!
My granny is incontinent in both senses (if you know what I mean?) and my Mum has to clean both my granny and the house, I really don't know how she has coped as well as she has but I don't know if she'll be able to cope for much longer.
I know I must sound very selfish and I do realise that it is the disease causing my grandparents to behave in the way they do, but it is still extremely hard to cope with. I love them more than anything, but it is so upsetting to see that the essence of who they are is slipping away. I think it must be that I'm that bit younger and find it difficult to cope with.
My Mum is due to see our GP tomorrow to discuss my Grandads new behaviour but I can almost guess what they're gonna say - we can't do anything!
Sorry, that this post has been so long and all over the place. Thanks for listening (if you got this far!)
Sony