valentines day


Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
i reminded him it was valentines but it didnt register. So i bought my partner of 67 a bunch of red roses and some chocolates. He ate the chocolates but that was all.
Last year when this all began and i was desperately asking myself whether he had depression or dementia he had bought me red rose. Then, I dried one of them and kept it because something told me it would be the last.

I played him a favourite..'pretty woman ..roy orbison ...and he danced. But that finbally broke me into pieces. He used to be an amazing rock and roller but now the movements are jerky and his face expressionless.

so i drove to a hill nearby and wept and wept..because the man i have loved with my life has gone and i shall never see him again. No, he wont wake up with his quick intelligent wit again.

I am heart broken, and grief striken. It has been two years since this began and only now can i tell anyone. I tell myself that if this hurts me how bad can it be for him?? I must hide my feelings of grief and make sure that he is ok; cheer him up, smile and laugh.

Nobody knows how I feel about this. All i do know is that if he has to be a diferent peson, helpless now after all his career across the deserts of the world, i will love him as much. but i must ask nothing.

Crazy. No i feel it cannot be quite true. So i am taking him to africa in four weeks. he will see the desert again, see the blue skies and maybe somehwere remember all the mountains he climbed as he mapped them. maybe he willr emember the tent he lived in for a whole year, alone in the desert.

maybe he will remember the valentines message to me so long ago

'desert man loves the witch'

good night all.


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Nobody knows how I feel about this
Hi Carolyn,

you are not correct you know.... so many of us here know exactly how you feel about it.

Only you know whether it is sensible to take him to Africa once more. I took my wife Jan one time too many on long haul holidays, and the last one was very difficult. All the same, I'm glad we did it.

Worth checking you are insured for his condition before you go.

We were in Kenya when my wife's symptoms began. That was in 1991. It is a long haul, but at Talking Point you will be in some fine company. None of us - or our partners, family etc - deserved this. We just do the best we can.

Take care


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Carolyn

Your post is so moving. I feel your pain, and know exactly what you are going through. It's terrible watching the person we love turning into someone else, someone we still love deeply, but can no longer reach.

Is your partner on any medication? Perhps he has tried an it hasn't agreed with him, but if not you should try to get him some. It's not a cure, but can sometimes slow the development of the disease.

Don't bottle things up. Everyone on TP knows how you are feeling, so talk to us, anytime you like.

Take care,



Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Carolyn, agree with Bruce and Hazel.

We may not know your pain, but so many, many of us here on TP are in the same position.

You can only do what you can to help you both through the dementia maze.
Wish I had words of comfort for you.

Thinking of you, love