UTIs, seizures and hospital

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by canary, Oct 27, 2019.

  1. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,095
    Female
    South coast
    Hello @Prim&Proper . Thank you for reading my posts and for commenting. You are very welcome to post,
    Normally I get on well with SIL. I havent seen much of her this year, but she has been very ill and I have had problems of my own with OH

    Im pretty sure that my children are fully aware that I havent been invited. When they said they would come the weekend before Christmas they both knew that the other one was coming that weekend and I got the impression that they had purposely arranged it that way. Then it clicked that that was the weekend of SILs party. I know that they have both been invited (I overheard SIL inviting dau) and if they thought that I had been invited too then it would have been natural to mention it.
     
  2. Splashing About

    Splashing About Registered User

    Oct 20, 2019
    348
    Hi @canary
    If you can bear to break the dam of emotion about this I’d have that conversation early and then put it to bed to enjoy what time you do have with them. Otherwise it will lurk like a cloud

    Sorry people are so thoughtless.
     
  3. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    747
    Hope you have a good weekend with your children and manage to approach the thorny issue of party invites in a way that lets you all have an honest conversation and then move on. Just a thought your SIL isn’t trying to throw a ‘surprise’ party for you is she? What ever happens here’s a hug {{{Canary}}}
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,095
    Female
    South coast
    So, after I last posted (yesterday , early evening) I sent a message via the immediate family whatsapp (me son, dau and spouses) saying that Im looking forward to seeing them next weekend and am assuming that they will arrive late Friday, I'll be seeing them on Saturday and then on Sunday they will be going to SILs party.
    Ive not had a reply.

    No, @Sarasa , its not a surprise party for me - I overheard it described as "our family Christmas Party"

    Oh, @Tea and. toast - thank you for that lovely photo of "Bowl of Beauty" peony. I dont know how I missed it
     
  5. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,121
    Male
    North West
    Just been catching up on your thread @canary

    What a difficult time for you, feeling hurt in the process around this Christmas party. I would have to say something, I couldn't bottle those feelings up as well as you have. Difficult as you obviously don't want to upset anyone, but your also feeling upset over it all. Is it worth talking to one of your children about it and getting it off your chest? You have so much to deal with and this time of year just magnifies everything in how we feel about those who we think are close to us

    I hope you find a way round this, you deserve better
     
  6. Tea and. toast

    Tea and. toast Registered User

    May 8, 2019
    43
    You are welcome re the photo Canary. I have followed your posts for a while and was going to post a photo of a bath seat that the person who sits on it, can swivel their legs round into the bath. Then your OH took ill so didn't post. I hope you have spoken to one of the children or they have replied to your text. I find it hard to understand why some folk behave the way they do. Take care.
     
  7. millalm

    millalm Registered User

    Oct 9, 2019
    53
    @Sarasa I also thought what if they're throwing @canary a surprise party lol However having lived for 40 years with a FIL who taught his children to never let the right hand know what the left hand is up to , nothing surprises me when it comes to family dysfunction lol I do feel for you @canary, having been left out of, and left out during family gatherings and special occasions. I try to remember to 'consider the source' and be thankful for how I was brought up , and choose to stay on the high road. I hope you can too!
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,141
    Female
    Dundee
    I’ve just caught up here. No wonder you feel hurt @canary I certainly would too. I agree with others who think your children should know how you feel. Thinking of you.
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,095
    Female
    South coast
    Thank you @Palerider , @Tea and. toast , @millalm and @Izzy for your support. Its good to know that Im not just being oversensitive - although that sounds weird to say

    Ive managed to get a bathboard @Tea and. toast - I persuaded the OT to order me one, so that is one thing sorted.

    Still no contact from the children. Either they are too embarrassed to contact me, or they are trying to work out with SIL how I know and what to say.
     
  10. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,627
    Nottinghamshire
    I really do empathise with your situation @canary
    I’ve felt myself and my kids being gradually sidelined while we were caring for dad. I suspect it’s because they don’t want to have to deal with the situation we find ourselves in...head buried firmly in the sand.
    I don’t want to confront my siblings either and just spend hours whittling about what I will do and say. I’m expectIng a massive row and then not to see them anymore. It’s different when it’s your children :(
     
  11. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    235
    Ive just caught up with your post Canary and was so sorry to hear that you are going through all this party dilemma on top of everything else. Perhaps there is an innocent explanation, but I would agree with what others have said that your children need to know how upset you are about not being invited and they need to pass this message on to extended family. They should be rallying round to bring some cheer into your life, and not be making things worse. Really hoping that someone will sort this out, it's just not right xx.
     
  12. Splashing About

    Splashing About Registered User

    Oct 20, 2019
    348
    Unless you’re in the thick of it you don’t really understand the major challenge that caring is. People need non
    judgmental support, caring and thoughtful behaviour to support them... to care. So sorry you’re not experiencing this
     
  13. millalm

    millalm Registered User

    Oct 9, 2019
    53
    @ canary I thought I'd give you a chuckle today. All the posts about what family should do for carer , be supportive, rally around , be thoughtful etc etc . My SIL texted me today to UNINVITE me and my family from our family Christmas get together. A week after saying she wanted us to come there for a break since we have always hosted everyone, she has agreed to babysit her daughter's DOG. Since I am terribly allergic to dog hair her solution is to uninvite us, but of course they will be happy to come to our house one day during the holidays. Don't know how they're going to leave the dog home alone but it certainly made it clear to me where I figure on her priority list . You've got to laugh. I hope it turned out there was a good reason for you not being invited to SIL family party, perhaps a dog? lol :)
     
  14. Splashing About

    Splashing About Registered User

    Oct 20, 2019
    348
    @millalm Oh for gawd sake!!!!! Some people
     
  15. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    Really!!! I hope you unwrap whatever lovely gifts you had for them & enjoy them yourself!

    How utterly crass of them ! sorry but I’m spitting for you
    Xxx
     
  16. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    @canary i can’t post what I think on here in polite society, but sending my sincerest love & (((((hugs)))))
    Xxxxx
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,095
    Female
    South coast
    Welll the saga continues.

    I, not sure if I mentioned at the beginning, but OH was epilepsy as a result of the car accident he had 25 years ago and takes anticonvulsants. The seizures that he had that brought him into hospital and the ones that he continued to have while he was on the ward were very unusual, though.
    Yesterday, I visited OH and was catting to him in hia room when he had a small seizure infront of me, When he came round he said "oh" I feel all faint and dizzy". I explained that he had had a seizure and he nodded and said "Ive been getting a lot of that since I came back from hospital" He has been getting very confused recently, so I didnt think a great deal about it, but then he said that they had cut down on his anticonvulsants! I couldnt see that the care home would do this, but thought Id better check.

    I spoke to the manager and she looked up on his drugs chart to see what he was supposed to be having and I then discovered that OH was right! He had got the details wrong, but his anticonvulsants had indeed been reduced - at some stage while he was in hospital someone had decided to reduce his anticonvulsants (against the advice from the National Neurological Hospital) so that his tegratol was cut down from14,000 mgs a day to 200 mgs a day, all at once. :eek::eek::eek:

    To say I am shocked is an understatement. Anticonvulsants should never be reduced suddenly and to reduce by such a large amount is appalling. Suddenly things began to make sense - the continued seizures in the hospital (particularly the bout of massive seizures about 5 days after he was admitted), his regular complaint that he had a headache, his fluctuating presentation and the way he is sleeping more says to me that he is having multiple minor seizures throughout each day. Even when the care home phoned me up to say they thought he was getting a UTI as he was suddenly much, much more confused and very wobbly on his feet it could equally have been due to him having a major seizure - if it happened while he was in his room then nobody would have seen it, and I suspect that the minor seizures are going unnoticed because they are so small that unless you knew what to look for you wouldnt see them.

    I have left an urgent message on the National Neurological Hospitals epilepsy clinics answer phone asking for advice and Im hoping that they will contact me again soon.

    @millalm - thats terrible. Words fail me.
    Nothing has been said to me about SILs party
     
  18. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,627
    Nottinghamshire
    That’s unbelievable @canary. Why on earth would they do that :eek::eek:?
    I hope you get a quick response, the damage isn’t permanent, and your OH can get back to some kind of normal.

    @millalm Families!!! :mad:
     
  19. Splashing About

    Splashing About Registered User

    Oct 20, 2019
    348
    OMG. That’s dreadful. You need to identify who made that decision and flag it. It’s appalling
     
  20. Splashing About

    Splashing About Registered User

    Oct 20, 2019
    348
    That’s a huge reduction in dose and enough to precipitate seizures. What an utterly dangerous action to take. Even if they were worried about Tegretol side effects (for example) surely they should have replaced with another drug or weaned from one to another?
     

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