UTIs, seizures and hospital

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by canary, Oct 27, 2019.

  1. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,244
    They say life’s a rollercoaster, actually I detest the things!
    Hoping you find time for you & get plans & help sorted
    Xx
     
  2. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,399
    Female
    Chester
    Sorry to hear you had a manic Monday. Hope things have settled now.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,111
    Female
    South coast
    Ive had a bad few days (Im hoping that the antidepressants kick in soon) not helped by a phone call from daughter which stoked all my fears.
    Son and dau and their families are coming down the weekend before Christmas. They are spending Christmas with their respective in-laws and said they wanted to see us at some stage over Christmas. This would be lovely if it wernt for the fact that although no-one else in the family has mentioned it I know that my SIL (who doesnt live far away) is holding a family Christmas party on the Sunday and I havent been invited.........
     
  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,648
    Nottinghamshire
    I’m in a similar situation to you @canary. Mind you I’ve had the impression that family have been avoiding me and my daughters for the last couple of years - I suspect because they were afraid they might be asked to help with dad. It hurts doesn’t it?
     
  5. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,310
    Yorkshire
    Hi @canary
    Families eh!
    Maybe they are trying to not put you under pressure.... Though an invitation with understanding should you decline may have felt kinder
    Would you like to go... Maybe mention to your children and turn up in your glad rags arm in arm with them
    Sending warm thoughts and a blanket of kindness to wrap around yourself
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,111
    Female
    South coast
    Yes @Bunpoots and @Shedrech , it does hurt. And yes, I would have liked to go - a good party would have cheered me up. And no, I dont think it would be a good idea to gatecrash, especially as I think they are purposely not telling me and keeping me out of it.
     
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,244
    Typical SIL behaviour in my experience! my SIL posts every little thing on Facebook- I don’t look now!!

    Christmas nuts to them !
    I’m often excluded/ forgotten / ....whatever!
    Actually I believe what goes around comes around... it’s just very hurtful & thoughtless!
    Says more about her .....

    So I will raise a virtual glass with you when they have their “jolly” - spend time with those who want to spend time with you my lovely xxx
     
  8. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    573
    Female
    South East
    I am sorry you are having a hard time , and also sorry at the mean spirit of people (not the spirit of Christmas at all ) . I wonder too if they think you may have too much on or may not want to celebrate at the moment but it’s still nice to ask, don’t they realise that these things always come out. Leave them to it, you are a much kinder person and I know who I would want to be with .
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,111
    Female
    South coast
    That made me laugh!
    Well its just going to be me and probably everyone on here on Sunday afternoon.
    Im waiting to see what excuses son and daughter are going to make when they leave early on Sunday to go to the party without telling me. Im very tempted to say, when they say that have to get home, "Oh what a shame, youll be missing the party!"
     
  10. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,648
    Nottinghamshire
    Do it!!
     
  11. Quizbunny

    Quizbunny Registered User

    Nov 20, 2011
    104
    I think you should make them aware that you know about the party, and how that, and their hiding it from you, has made you feel. They are your children and they should be more focused on supporting you rather than other parts of the family. By speaking to them about it and getting it into the open you may find that they will realise they have hurt you. It could even lead to a discussion about how they can better support you as a carer.
     
  12. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    756
    I agree with @Quizbunny. You don’t want to make your children feel guilty but they need to know how you feel. Get it out in the open long before they are due to go.
    Sorry things are so tough, sending you lots of love. xxx
     
  13. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,111
    Female
    South coast
    I dont really know what to do . I feel so hurt.
     
  14. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    573
    Female
    South East
    I too would let them know , it will fester if you don’t let it out . I would ask them outright and see what they say, or do it over the phone if that feels easier , but I would definitely let them know you know . It’s extremely hurtful , I would hope it’s because they think you would not be in the mood, have too much on etc. raise a glass to flaky family . I certainly have my share of them as I guess a lot of people on here have too. Sending hugs.
     
  15. Quizbunny

    Quizbunny Registered User

    Nov 20, 2011
    104
    I can so understand that you feel so wounded. Please do allow them the opportunity to understand and make it right. @Woohoo is right, don’t let it fester.
     
  16. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,310
    Yorkshire
    hi @canary
    I appreciate how your feelings are hurt right now ... personally I've given up with family, but it's a sad place to be; wouldn't recommend itif bridges can be built ...
    so been pondering how you might speak with your children .... I still wonder if they all have been waiting to weigh up how things stand with respite ....
    anyway ... sometimes it's worth coming at things sideways ... could you ask for their advice as you've heard whispers that there may be a family party but you're not sure as there's been no invitation in the post/e-mail, so it must have got lost as you know family wouldn't cause you upset by leaving you out, and you 're worried that folk may be thinking you're being anti-social as you haven't replied when actually you'd really enjoy seeing everyone, but you don't want to ask directly in case it's just a rumour
    sorry far too long a sentence
    but trying to work out how you can make your feelings clear without a 'confrontation' over this .... yet giving you and your children an opportunity to air how you feel
    apologies if this is out of order
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,111
    Female
    South coast
    I cannot see how it can possibly be "made right". I was obviously never intended to know that my children and their families had been invited, but I wasnt.
    There is only one thing worse than not being invited to a party and that is a late, reluctant invite once everyone realises that you know
     
  18. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,766
    @canary I would be very hurt by this if it were my children (couldn't care less about the SIL)

    Are you sure that your children know that you have not been invited or maybe they are just being thoughtless without realising how it could make you feel. I am trying to make excuses for them here but you have to let them know how you feel or it will fester and you don't want that with your children.

    Somehow get it out in the open. Your children may feel awful for it and so they should but they need to know how you feel.

    Hope it works out and so glad that we can talk about these things on Talking Point.
     
  19. Tea and. toast

    Tea and. toast Registered User

    May 8, 2019
    43
    Hello Canary I can't offer any more suggestions regarding not being invited to the party but I've been thinking about you and following your posts.So here is a photo for you to bring a little bit of colour on a cold winters day. The Peony is called Bowl of Beauty. Take care. SAM_4236 (640x480).jpg
     
  20. Prim&Proper

    Prim&Proper New member

    Sep 8, 2019
    4
    Hello, this is my first post.

    I read your post @canary and it has really saddened me (I hope you don't mind me commenting).

    It's sad how family members can treat each other so awfully, do you normally get on with SIL or is she one of the invisibles?

    I agree with @Duggies-girl though, maybe your children don't know you haven't been invited? I'm sure they wouldn't want to hurt you on purpose and have just taken for granted you have been invited. I hope it all works out well for you.
     

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