Urgently in need of some advice please.


Registered User
Oct 26, 2007
Firstly Hello to you all.
I am new on here and a bit nervous as well but could do with some advice please and support.

My dad who is 82 has Multi-infarc Dementia and has beem like this since having to retire when he was 58 from work.
My mum is his sole carer as well and has her own health problems too.
I am his daughter and i also have a chronic pain condition called Fibromyalgia and also ME/CFS and am mainly housebound and feel so helpless that i can't help my mum and dad.
Dad's health had rapidly got worse the past 2/3 years and suffers with 2/3 TIA/S each day now.
He is cathiterised and has been for many years now as has a stricture and waterworks problems. Dad has many other health problems too.
He does have tremendous support from our local Althemiers support group and going into respite once a week each month to give mum a break.
He is the most loving and caring dad anyone could wish for and a very religious man. His days now are soley sat in the chair or bed praying constantly with his rosary and is a very gentle man who would'nt hurt anyone.

However last night mum rang in a panic as he just stared at her and said "who are you" and where am i?". This went on for 2 hours and mum just gently talked to him and kept calm but he became very agitated and started picking at his clothing and rocking in the chair. His memory has come back and he dos'nt remember anything but seems so much more slower now. His Gp said he may have had a bigger stroke which had triggered this.

Thing is want to ask is that my mum rang my Gp and was told it was a one off but we think this is the start of things to come as dad has been having blank spots of mum catching him staring into space alot and fiditing.
He has fallen alot now and feel last week so wonder if this has triggered something as well. He has difficulty walking too and shuffles all the time now quite bad.

I feel so guilty and so helpless that i can't help my mum with my dad and it's making me ill now.

Mum dar'nt leave now now alone in the house in case of this happening again and just dos'nt know where to turn now for help.

Thanks for reading about my dear dad.



Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Dear Julie,
Welcome to Talking Point. My husband was diagnoised when he was 58 and I have been disabled for 21 years, so I became his Carer.
The feeling of guilt attacks us all but deep down inside we really know we are the best we can for our loved one.

In my own personel experience I would get back to the Doctor, Social Worker, Alzheimer's Branch, in fact anyone you can think of for help.

More people will come on line with advice latter.

Everyone here is so friendly.

Wish you al the best and remember Talking Point is open 24/7.


Registered User
Jul 10, 2007
It sounds like your dad may be having strokes (cva)and Tia's and I would suggest you get onto his consultant to ask for a ct brain scan. This will definately tell you if that is so.

I hope an eye is being kept on his cholesterol lvl and if needed being given statin based meds, he should also be on some type of blood thinner such as warferin.


Registered User
Feb 20, 2008
West Yorkshire
Hi juliejo
I am so sorry to hear that your dad is poorly and seems to be getting worse. Perhaps you could get a gp appointment for you and ask their advice about Dad again and see if more help can be found if not for your Dad then for the sake of you and your mum. Its very wearing to get on at people but perhaps thats what you need to do if you can?
Well done for finding TP i'm sure you will get lots more advice and support. Keep posting
take care


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Mum dar'nt leave now now alone in the house in case of this happening again and just dos'nt know where to turn now for help.

As you said that your father has have tremendous support from your local Althemiers support group, could you ask your mother to ring them so they can give her all the information to get the ball rolling in from Social service to offer your mother support during the week .

Or who set up respite for your mother ?

As who ever done that could review your father care plans , as it does read that your father needs are becoming higher , so your mother needs more support from who ever set up respite for her.


I know from my own experience caring for my mother at home , when they a change in her behavior all I have to do is go to the doctor get a letter from him saying her needs have change

In your case you doctor can say your father had another stroke .

so I fax letters to social services and they do a review on her need , so care plan support go up for me in getting more support for my mother .

I have also been told that I can tell AZ day center that if they see a change in my mother behavior they can ring social service asking for another meeting on a review on her care plan , it one had been done in the last 3 mouths . So then I would not need to go to doctors .

As my mother care is cared for between myself and 2 different day center .

As in 07 I was finding my mother needs becoming very strain-full
on me , so rather put her in care home full time , they came up with more days at days center , to keep her home more longer .
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Registered User
Feb 28, 2008
Macclesfield, Cheshire
Oh you poor thing having to cope with all this. Dont feel guilty for one second, you are obviously a loving caring daughter who is doing her best. It certainly does sound like your mum and dads care plan needs a review, and as soon as this is done a package can be put in place to meet their greater needs. Be firm and insistent in dealing with the GP. He has a duty of care to investigate these latest changes in your dads health. So many times I hear of people being fobbed off because they "cope", when really they are struggling along and worried to death.

Contact anyone you can think of who has a part in your dads care, and tell them you need more help and advice. He certainly needs a brain scan and his medication needs looking at to make sure he's on everything he needs to be and to check if there is anything better to control his situation.

These things can take a bit of time so try to keep your spirits up and talk to the lovely people here at TP whenever you need to.I know their support has been invaluable to me and my dad since I joined not long ago. :) x


Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
leigh lancashire
It sounds to me(not a professional )that your dad may be experiencing "absent seizures",which can occur when TIA's have presented.Faling may be a part of the TIA'S ,but can also be an underlying problem with blood pressure,it can sometimes drop when standing and cause falls.hope it helps elainex