I'm at such a loss after going through so much at the moment health wise and having to cope with my father who has vascular dementia, he was diagnosed in 2012. At present he thinks we are constantly 'having a go' at him, an example - his walking stick was next to the settee (it should be at the back door for when he goes outside) and when I asked why he said my sister had moved it. I said I would have a chat to her and suddenly he got mad at me and told me not to, to 'just leave it!' At that point I just knew he was lying, and he was. Rather than admit something he's now blaming others so he 'doesn't get told off'. The thing is, we don't tell him off, we explain why. But he doesn't like keep being told. Today he did something awful in a shop, at the time I just said 'NO' in a loudish voice. He asked me why so again I said 'NO', he started laughing and walked away. Once we got back to the car and we were travelling home I just said, in a calm voice, 'Don't ever do that again when we are out in a shop.' At that point he started screaming at me that I was having another go at him. At which point I said, 'Yes I am, because you shouldn't have done it.' He carried on screaming at me and told me not to keep 'having a go' at him. I said quite calmly, although inside I was crying, 'Ok I won't bother next time, because you obviously think it was right what you did.' He screamed at me that, 'it wasn't right!' So I sat in silence while driving him home because I just didn't know what to do.
We got back to his house, I put the shopping away, asked if he wanted a brew before I left, and at that point he apologised. I have had enough, I don't know what to do and I don't know how to handle the lies and anger. This is by far not an excuse, but I think you just need to understand a little more. I've basically been poorly constantly with different things since Christmas, so I've missed a lot of special time with him over the last few months, I've been in hospital 3 times since Christmas. So now that I can finally see him on a weekly basis again I've noticed how bad he's become. I'm not sure if it's true but, when you see them a few days a week, I think the illness grows with you and you just go along with it. But because I've missed him loads I can now see how much the disease has taken over. There isn't just myself that looks after him, there's 4 of us. We have all noticed but they don't seem to tell him like I do because they don't want to upset him. I'm not sure if that is right, I think he should be told. Please please please can someone advise or just give me your thoughts? I'm never nasty or raise my voice because I don't want to upset him, but I won't lie to him, if something is wrong I say. Should I? Or should I just grin and bear it? I'm so at breaking point. I've even considered not taking him shopping, maybe get his Carer to go with him?? So I can spend less stressful days with him having quality fun times while we can ♀️♀️
We got back to his house, I put the shopping away, asked if he wanted a brew before I left, and at that point he apologised. I have had enough, I don't know what to do and I don't know how to handle the lies and anger. This is by far not an excuse, but I think you just need to understand a little more. I've basically been poorly constantly with different things since Christmas, so I've missed a lot of special time with him over the last few months, I've been in hospital 3 times since Christmas. So now that I can finally see him on a weekly basis again I've noticed how bad he's become. I'm not sure if it's true but, when you see them a few days a week, I think the illness grows with you and you just go along with it. But because I've missed him loads I can now see how much the disease has taken over. There isn't just myself that looks after him, there's 4 of us. We have all noticed but they don't seem to tell him like I do because they don't want to upset him. I'm not sure if that is right, I think he should be told. Please please please can someone advise or just give me your thoughts? I'm never nasty or raise my voice because I don't want to upset him, but I won't lie to him, if something is wrong I say. Should I? Or should I just grin and bear it? I'm so at breaking point. I've even considered not taking him shopping, maybe get his Carer to go with him?? So I can spend less stressful days with him having quality fun times while we can ♀️♀️