Upstairs or downstairs

Jaycee23

Registered User
Jan 6, 2011
383
0
uk
My mum spend eight months in a pysch ward and then transferred to a nursing home. She has been away from her home for a year now and only just starting to adjust to the routines as far as I know. She has one to one for 8 hours a day but when I visit she never seems to have anyone with her. They said she usually has this at the end of the day. She is on the first floor where she cannot get out for obvious reasons as she is unaware of the dangers to herself. I visit about twice a week and she only just seems to be a bit calmer and less tearful. The other day I visited and she had decided to have a lay down in her room but I could not find her to start with as when she leaves her room she pulls the armchair as near to the door as she can and wedges a piece of cardboard in the door jam (been watching detective programmes) so that no one goes in. The cardboard was in the door so I assumed she was somewhere about on the 1st floor. We could not find her so tried her room eventually and there she was. I wanted to connect her tv but could not find the ariel connection and she went ballistic saying they have been in her room and stolen it and she keeps asking for a key and where would you stay in a hotel that did not give you a key? I calmed her down and said we would look in her drawers and found it. She has stored all sorts of items in there which I do not know where these have come from (have told them at the office). Mum was asking about how many houses did she have and I said how many? you only have one as you are not rich are you?? I asked which house was she thinking of and she described the one on the hill which was where she grew up. I acknowledged the house and asked if she remembers the house where I was born and managed to move the question on before she started to question why she cannot go home. I know lots of things are going on in her head. We walked to the sitting room and I was took aside by a member of staff who had told me previously that she thought my mum should be downstairs with the others as she seems a lot calmer there (I am not there 24/7 so would not be aware of how she is all the time). I put this to the manager and she sort of agreed but said about the safety issue of visitors coming and going and leaving the door unlocked and mum had already managed to get out once. I am confused as this is in a way detrimental to my mums contentment just because visitors do not ensure all doors are locked after them. Maybe they should be alarmed? Anyway to go back to the member of staff, she took me to one side and asked me to never mention her name again when talking to the manager as she got a right telling off! Mum saw her talking to me and said she hoped I was not talking about selling her house and that she was going to go back home or kill herself. I do feel that my mum would be more content down stairs as I feel she is only aggressive when the others come near her and they seem a lot more advanced mentally and physically than mum and unable to hold some kind of conversation. Even when I have been on visits I can feel intimidated by some of the men who walk towards you and can react and swear and shout. I feel that care homes always seem to be stretched to the limit with staffing and you are unable to feel confident in the fact that the residents are just a number and not having their needs met. In one of my posts I complained about my mum's overgrown toenails and they use the excuse that she will not comply to attempts to personal care. Luckily she has seen the chiropodist now. I sit thinking about her not having anyone to talk to all day because she is on the 1st floor!!!! :(
 

steffie60

Registered User
Jan 22, 2013
232
0
Hampshire
I think I would try to find out who is supposed to be giving your Mum 8 hours one to one and if this in one stretch or if it is in smaller time slots to vary the day. Can you have an appointment with the care home manager to get answers to your questions and if you are not happy with responses to your (written down) questions then perhaps your Mum's Social Worker could be involved.

I have just got my Mum from a month's respite care whilst I had a break. This was privately funded but even so the home had a lack of staff to deal with some of the problems presented by my mother. She has a stoma which needs fairly regular attention, Mum went in with her skin in tact but has come home with the skin on her tummy very sore and it will take me a while to sort it out.

Staff levels are always a problem and even the level of care a member of staff will want to give having said that there are always the wonderful souls who truly care and will go the extra distance.

I hope something works out for you.
 

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