Upsetting visit

[lil50]

I visit my Mum 2 or 3 times a week, 80 mile round trip. I prepare us some lunch and try to keep her company whilst also doing anything that needs doing. If the weather is fine I take her for a little outing in her wheelchair. I'm not sure how much she is getting out of these outings any more though.

I am aware that as she senses it is nearing time for me to leave her anxiety increases, the questioning accelerating. However we normally manage the goodbyes with her waving and blowing kisses until I am out of sight.

But last night was different. After our walk she began questioning me on where she was going to live, I offered some suggestions and then she asked out of the blue if I was from the ' social '. Mum has known who I am up till now, except for a very anxious time 2 years ago after my Dad died. She suddenly became aware that she would be spending the night alone and got very cross with me for not letting her know earlier in the day so she could have made arrangements and got a taxi home to Birmingham!
She cried her eyes out, could I not take her home with me and on to Bham tomorrow. She was going to phone my brother and get him to take her now.

I did manage to calm her eventually, nice shower and tucked into bed and me home for a boo. Family all away at the moment, I didn't go as I did not feel happy leaving Mum this time .

Now is it just a mood change, urine infection or advance of the Alzheimers? I will get my brother and carers to check on her today.

But why is it that though I have learnt so much of the theory of this horrible illness the practicality of it can still knock me sideways. Dreading my next visit in case it happens again but know she could be totally different.

Sorry for the long post but reckon better out than in!

 

[susy]

It's a good idea to check her out for a urine infection if there is a sudden down turn in her.
As for knocking you sideways... I completely agree. My dad asked where his parents were a few weeks ago. I really didn't know how to answer him. I said oh they passed away years ago but I don't know where there graves are. He just said ok!!! I mean it was surreal!!!!
Hope she and you are ok xx

 

[lizzybean]

None of this is easy & I find most things knock me sideways the first time they happen. I am often posting on here when something new occurs yet I realise when I get answers from the lovely people here on tp that I have read many threads on the same topic. I think you live so much in the moment that when something new pops up you cannot think straight for a while. This is why tp is invaluable.

 

[Tin]

I feel the same as lizzybean. I can be mums daughter one minute then suddenly I'm her sister or good friend. I have not been her daughter for a few days now, she often asks me "wheres your mother gone" I have a good cry in the garden then I enter back in to the twilight zone.

 

[worn out]

oh how awful. i know how you feel.my mum asked me where i lived as a child yesterday and said its a good job her mum does her washing(that is of course me). You have a strange feeling of loss dont you?sure no urine infection?